1 ad Corinthios: The Last Enemy
by yoan0798
Summary: Everybody knows of the story of James and Lily. But people forget their youth. People forget how they were only twenty one when they died People forget the love shared between the four brothers. People forget their fears, their dreams, their hopes. This story is to remember the moments till they faced the last enemy, and to remember, that even after their deaths, they are infinite.
1. Chapter 1: The One with the Beginning

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.  
**

* * *

It was happening. It really was happening. I stood on the platform, my hands tightly clutching the handles of the trolley as I inhaled slowly, trying to calm my nerves.

I was in seventh year, my _final_ year at Hogwarts, and I was Head Girl.

I glanced down at my badge again, just to make sure and there it was, gleaming on my robes, just like it was ten minutes ago when I had checked last.

 _Head Girl_.

Honestly, I can't say I know what Dumbledore was thinking, giving me this badge when I struggled to get my robes the right way around each morning. But I supposed there was no way he would know about that. Unless he really _was_ as omnipotent as they said.

Merlin, I really hoped he wasn't.

I always thought it would go to Lucinda Malfoy with her perfect blonde hair, perfect grades and perfect pure blood status. But I guess Dumbledore _is_ as mad as they claimed if he chose me over her.

Hm. Now who was Head Boy?

Remus Lupin?

I hoped so, he and I got along despite the fact that he made up one quarter of the bloody Marauders, who I spent a good chunk of my prefect years chasing and threatening. He was a lot better than Severus Snape, or Edward Prewett, the Hufflepuff prefect. The former probably would ignore me until the year was over and only communicate with bits of parchment and the latter… Well, Edward was very sweet, but I could barely hold a conversation with him, let alone hope to lead the Prefect body together with.

And forget about Matthew Davies. The thought of working all year with my ex boyfriend made me shudder.

Yes, Remus would do perfectly fine. Maybe he could even convince the Marauders to lay it low during our final year, considering it was N.E.W.T.S and all. I snorted to myself. Fat chance of that happening.

Someone barrelled into me, a flurry of long arms and dark hair, interrupting my thoughts, and I yelped, tumbling back and my grip on my trolley loosened.

"Lily!" Kate's arms tightened around my neck but I was too distracted by the sight of my trolley skidding down the smooth floors of the platform, approaching the crowds that had amassed, to greet my best friend. Not to mention that Owl had started to screech, shaking her cage in indignant anger as the trolley continued to whiz down the platform.

People turned to stare at the source of noise with wide eyes and I felt a blush creep up my neck.

Instant blushing, one of the many lovely upsides of having red hair.

Pair that with pale skin that freckled instead of tanned and blonde lashes, it was a wonder why I didn't get as many dates as Charlene Vane.

Really.

"My trolley!" I shoved her off, tripping over my own feet as I tried to rush towards my stupid trolley that was now running at an alarming rate at a large crowd of people. But before it could cause any serious damage, and potentially ruin my first day as Head Girl, a pair of hands reached out, dragging it to a firm stop.

"Evans, you always had a way of making an entrance," Sirius remarked drily from next to Remus, who held onto my trolley firmly. Remus, on the other hand, gave me a slight smile.

"Hullo, Lily," he greeted and I noticed he was looking thinner than before, the sleeves of his robes loose around his wrist and shadows were bruising the skin underneath his eyes.

Hm. It seemed as if the summer break had not done any good for his health.  
"Thanks, Remus, thank you, thank you," I grabbed the trolley from him, giving him a bright smile, "I think it's a little too early for murder, isn't it? I mean, the trolley probably could have rolled over at least five people before it came to a stop. It wasn't my fault, by the way, it was completely Catherine Skye's fault,"  
From next to me, Kate just smiled widely, ticking my chin, "I knew you missed me too,"

"Get off me," I squirmed away from her but she latched on tighter.  
"You're drivelling," Sirius noted and I scowled at him, which he returned with a lazy smile.

"Head Girl, I see," he flicked my badge with his wand, a burst of sparks emitting from the end as he did so. I swatted his wand away in annoyance. I did not need my robes to catch on fire.

"I suppose he went for the safe bet with one half, eh?" Peter appeared out of seemingly nowhere, his head bobbing up from next to Sirius' elbow, "Lo, Lily,"

I waved at him absently, my eyes fixing onto the Remus' chest.

"You didn't get Head Boy?" I asked in dismay, noticing the familiar Prefect badge on Remus' robes.

His smile widened as he shrugged carelessly, "I think a poorly Head Boy would be quite useless,"  
"No need to be so hard on yourself, Moony," Sirius clapped his shoulder comfortingly, "You're useless either way,"  
"Shut it, Padfoot,"  
"Who's Head Boy, then?" I asked, frowning and groaned, covering my eyes with a hand, "Oh Merlin, please don't tell me it's Severus, or worse, _Prewett_ ,"

"Dumbledore would be mad to give Snivellus Head Boy," Sirius sneered and Peter nodded feverishly in agreement whilst Remus just looked away, "Probably would wet his pants at the taste of power,"

I didn't bother reply to his statement because frankly, I was done thinking or talking about Severus. Snape, I meant Snape. Severus and I weren't on first name basis anymore.

"You forgot Davies," Kate supplied unhelpfully.

She had finally let go of me and was now on her toes, peering around the crowd, looking for, I was guessing, the final third to our trio, Mary Vance. She kicked Sirius out of her way when he purposefully stepped in front of her, blocking her view.  
"No, I left him out on purpose, actually" I muttered underneath my breath.

"Strange, I thought you rather fancied him," Kate snickered and then snapped, "Move it Black, or I'll hex your netheregions,"  
"I think it's incest even talking about my netheregions, Catherine," Sirius said patronizingly, finally shifting to the side and Kate rolled her dark eyes, shoving at his ribs.

Kate and Siruis were cousins, distant, distant and many times removed cousins, much like many pureblood families. They looked nothing alike though, save their dark hair. Kate had wide, brown eyes that looked like they were on the verge of laughter. Sirius had slate grey eyes that looked as if he was bored or angry. Or a mixture of both.

"Incest or not, it'll be painful," she waved her wand at him threateningly but all he did was laugh.

"That was two years ago, thank you very much," I said primly before turning my attention back to Remus, who was looking distinctively uncomfortable, "Do you know who's Head Boy?"  
"You don't know?" he asked evasively as he rubbed his cheek, his eyes flickering away from mine, "I thought you would know,"

"Of course she wouldn't, Lily's only got half a brain when it's not related to studies," Kate said cheerfully, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

Rubbish best mate she was, though she wasn't completely wrong.

"Come on, let's get a compartment before the first years take all of them. I _swear_ I wasn't that small back then," she dragged me away, waving at the three dismissively.  
For someone so slender, Kate had a shockingly strong grip on my arm as she led me and my trolley through the crowd, pushing it in front of us unapologetically. I smiled helplessly at the glares we were getting as Kate pummelled through the crowd, chattering away obliviously.

"And then in _Spain_ , Brody that idiot, thought it would be fun to slip Dungbombs into Narcissa's wine, and you know how uptight she gets," Kate was saying but all I could think about was how strange Remus' expression was when I asked him about Head Boy.

Maybe I was being insensitive asking him because he probably was still disappointed by the fact he didn't get it. In fact, of course he would be, I mean, look how disappointed I was, for crying out loud.

 _"Please, please don't let it be Sev, I mean, Snape"_ I thought to myself desperately, praying upon all the deities I could think of.

I honestly would start crying right here if it was him, Head Girl and good impressions be damned. I had spent the last year completely ignoring my former best friend, and though I would never admit it to Mary or Kate, it hurt. I hated that our friendship had ended, but I could see no other solution for the two of us. It was virtually impossible for us to be friends, especially if he continued to hang around _those_ people.

"Oi Mary!" Kate let go of me and launched herself onto Mary who let out a small strangling noise as Kate squeezed her tight. I felt for the poor girl, I really did, having been on the receiving end of Kate's death grip. Maybe she should lay it easy on the Quidditch training, because at this rate, she gave the Giant Squid a run for his money in terms of suction power.

"Where were you two?" Mary asked, slightly breathless as she detangled her limbs from Kate's, "I saved us a compartment,"

"Had a bit of an accident with the trolley," I gestured to the offensive item which was now being loaded and cleared by a porter, "Let's go in, I'm exhausted,"  
"Don't you have a meeting soon?" Mary asked as we entered an empty compartment. I spotted Mary's familiar patchwork knapsack on one of the seats with a Witch Weekly peeking out from the flap.

"Soon," I yawned, stretching out onto a bench, "I have no idea how to run it, but I suppose it'll be okay. I'm sure the Head Boy will be a bit more responsible than me,"  
"Shouldn't you know?" Kate poked my leg, forcing me to rescind them so she could sit down next to me, "You've been Prefect for two years,"  
"I usually just doze off until I'm talked to," I admitted and laughed weakly as the reality of the situation sank in, "I can't believe I'm Head Girl,"  
"You'll do fine," Mary said soothingly, petting my leg, "They all like you,"

"Save a significant quarter of them," I moaned, burying my face into my hands, "I can imagine it, I'm going to mess the notes up and be blushing and tongue tied like an idiot and Sev, I mean, Snape, and Malfoy are going to glare at me and whisper about how I'm a pathetic Head Girl and how Dumbledore is barmy and _Merlin_ , people are going to agree and because of me, one of the greatest wizards of our time is going to be reduced to a loon,"  
"You know, Sirius is right, you do drivel," Kate snatched the magazine from Mary's bag, ignoring her protests, "And don't worry, people already think Dumbledore's mad. Brilliant old crock he is. So don't worry about it you twit,"

That was reassuring.  
"I better get going," I stood up, straightening my robes and checked my badge anxiously, "Head Girl shouldn't be late,"  
"Don't worry too much, your horoscope is looking good, Evans," Kate looked up at me from her magazine, "Though Mars might tangle you up a bit,"  
"What does that mean?" I tried to peer over her head but her dark hair blocked the view.  
"Hell if I know, I'm rubbish at Divination," Kate said brightly and snapped the magazine shut and waved it at me, "Bye Lily, remember, don't dribble pumpkin juice on yourself,"  
"That was _once_ ," I snapped defensively but Kate and Mary just exchanged bemused smirks.

"Twice, but who's counting," Kate shrugged and yelped when I kicked her.

"Oh, honestly, Kate," Mary said in exasperation, smacking her lightly over the head with the newspaper she was reading, "Just leave her alone,"

"You two are so bloody violent," Kate cried, rubbing her head, "And to think, one is _Head Girl_ , whilst the other is Gryffindor's resident nice girl!"  
We both chose to ignore her comment and Mary settled back into her seat, the picture of serenity as she began to read her paper again.

"This is why Mary gets better Christmas presents than you," I informed Kate, but she just stuck out her tongue at me. I stuck mine out back before I left the compartment, flicking my hair over my shoulder for good measure.

Yes, the epitome of maturity was me, Lily Evans.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to the Prefect's compartment. I had expected it to be empty, since the meeting wasn't to start in another ten or so minutes, but there was one figure, with a familiar shock of unruly black hair, sitting at the head of the table, apparently engrossed in the parchment in front of him.

I narrowed my eyes.

James Potter.

He looked up at the sound of the door opening and blinked rapidly when he noticed me staring. And then he _smiled_.

A perfectly friendly smile.

"Hello, Lily," he rolled up the parchment.

I gaped at him.  
 _Lily_?

Since when did he call me Lily? Since when did he _smile_ at me like that?

"Hi… Potter," I said warily, finally managing to close my mouth shut.

I edged closer, wondering if the Marauders had decided to pull their very last back to school prank in the Prefect's compartment.

Because that would be completely brilliant.

Not.

I definitely did _not_ need them to ruin my first day as Head Girl, considering I was probably going to do it myself anyway.

Possibly by dribbling pumpkin juice onto the front of my robes like I did during the End of Year feast last semester. It was not my brightest moment.

Okay, plan one; stay away from drinks.

I eyed the stack of sweets at the centre of the table. I'd probably get crumbs all over me or chocolate smudged at my mouth so maybe it was a good idea to stay away from the food as well.

Okay, new plan one; stay away from all drinks and food.

"How was your break?" he asked casually, leaning back into the seat.

He was still smiling.

"It was good," I hesitated. Internally, I wondered to myself what would be the most polite way to ask him to get the hell out of the compartment. He was being so nice too. I would feel bad if I just snapped at him. And plus, I was _seventh_ year now and Head Girl. I should be self actualised and mature. Also, James and I hadn't argued since… Well. Fifth year.

Huh, had time gone by that fast?  
"Erm, Lily?" James looked up at me, his eyes uncertain behind his glasses as he watched me skirt around the table, "What are you doing?"  
"Nothing," I said quickly but my skin betrayed me by flushing a deep red, so I opted for honesty, "Just… James, what are you doing here?"  
"Reading some notes," James held up the parchment sheepishly and I could see, to my fascination, that the tips of his ears were pink. The James Potter that I knew never got embarrassed.

"I mean, it might sound rather idiotic, but you know I was never Prefect so I thought I should do some preparation so I wouldn't look like a complete dolt. Moony helped, of course," he finished quickly.

His ears were red now. I would have found that rather endearing if it wasn't for the fact that it was, one, James Potter and he could never be endearing, and two, I was too baffled by the situation to feel anything but confusion.

So I opted to stare at him blankly instead.

What was he going _on_ about?

"Preparation?" I repeated stupidly, "For what?"  
For a moment, James looked just as confused as I was before realisation dawned onto his face. James cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up his nose with one hand whilst the other ran through his hair in clear agitation. He was uncomfortable.

Panic erupted in my stomach at that. He was the second person to look so flustered in front of me today, and they were both Marauders. It couldn't be coincidence.

Preparation? And then my eyes narrowed onto the gleaming badge on the front of his robes and everything clicked together.

Merlin.

"I'm Head Boy,"


	2. Chapter 2: The One with the Change

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"Any questions?" James asked and the group in front of us shook their head collectively and he turned his gaze to me, "Lily?"  
"Nothing," I managed and I was impressed by how steady my voice was despite the fact that my head was still reeling, trying to comprehend the situation.

James Potter.

Head Boy.

Oh my God.

But that was for later.

I narrowed my eyes at the Prefects, "Just remember not to dock points off the students for stupid things, alright? Like for tripping or breathing too loudly…Or… Or-,"  
"Being prats," James finished for me and the students laughed at that, save Severus who was glaring at James murderously, his fingers clenching and unclenching.

He had been staring at James like that for the past half hour and I wondered to myself if his eyes hurt from all that straining. To my surprise, James continued to ignore him and didn't snap or hex him like I had feared he would. In fact, he remained quite calm throughout the whole meeting, cracking jokes here and there, but didn't run wild and rampant as I thought he would.

Interesting.

"Lily?"

I snapped back into attention and realised that the compartment was now empty, save the two of us. And immediately, heat began to pour onto my cheeks again, staining them red as I remembered how we had ended our conversation before the arrival of the Prefects.

After he had informed me that he was Head Boy, I had just stared at him, my jaw unhinged, in what I was sure was a very attractive manner, before squeaking.

" _You_? Head Boy?"  
He smiled a little at that, his voice a touch dry as he replied, "Yes, me,"  
And then I squeaked again, " _Head Boy_?"  
It continued like that for ten minutes, much to my utter mortification and James' growing amusement and exasperation, until the rest of the Prefects poured in, saving me from embarrassing myself further.

I was still in shock, despite witnessing it firsthand that James was indeed Head Boy, and he was, if his complete control of our first meeting was any indication, a darn good one. I didn't know why I didn't think of him before, why I hadn't even _considered_ him as a candidate for Head Boy. Oh.

Wait, never mind, silly me, what was I thinking. I knew _exactly_ why.

Because the hundreds of pranks he had pulled in the last seven years, the thousands of rules he had broken and the countless amount of detentions he had been in. But then again, Remus was Prefect despite actively taking an active part in the Marauders debauchery. And it made sense, really, if you cast aside those aspects and really thought about it.

James was popular and well liked by both the student body and the staff at Hogwarts, especially with the nitwits that made up our female population (I was a traitor to my own gender, but honestly, their giggling about the Marauders was getting out of control), and he did well at school, _and_ he was a Potter, which was the closest thing the wizarding world had to royalty. Even the Slytherins showed grudging respect towards James, solely for his 'blood purity' (their words, not mine).

So of course he would be a perfect candidate for Head Boy.

But still, I was shocked. Beyond shocked really, stunned. Speechless.

Because he was _James Potter_.

"All right, Lily?" he waved a hand in front of my face, brows furrowing in obvious concern. I didn't blame him for looking so apprehensive, that poor bloke, considering I spent most of our conversation staring into empty space, my mouth slightly agape.  
"Why do you keep calling me that?" I asked, finally managing to look at him.

His eyes had green and gold flecks in them, something I never noticed before.

"Because that's your name," he replied easily.

That smile again.

"But you always called me Evans," I frowned, unwrapping a Chocolate Frog. I kept to my rule, despite the fact that I had not eaten since seven and I was starving. It didn't matter if I got chocolate all over my mouth in front of Potter. He wasn't someone I needed to impress.

"I think it's time we graduated from that," James said lightly, opening a box of jelly beans and offered me one. I shook my head. I had a very bad experience from eating those cursed beans, having eaten a rotten eggs one a few years ago. I swore off them ever since.

"I mean, we have to show a united front and all, right?" he nibbled on the edge of a white one tentatively before popping it into his mouth, "Milk,"  
"Right," I agreed uncertainly, because really, it did make sense.

There was no point in fighting with James anymore, especially if we were going to be working together from now on, and, well… I didn't _feel_ the need to argue with James anymore. This left me tense, waiting for an obnoxious comment or an arrogant remark.

"So," he looked up at me from the box he was fiddling in his hands, "You seemed surprised,"  
"Yeah, I was, honestly, I still am," I said, looking down at the card to see Dumbledore, smiling peacefully up at me.

"Because I'm not cut to be Head Boy, yeah, I know," James said, a touch of bitterness in his voice and he let out a long breath, "What was Dumbledore thinking?"  
I stared at him.

Who was this boy? Since when was James Potter unconfident about _anything_? I could distinctively remember back in second grade when he insisted he had fought the Giant Squid and knocked it unconscious, which was the reason why we couldn't see it these days. Though it turned out, the lake had frozen over, and then James Potter had claimed that he froze the lake over. I had laughed at his face and called him an idiot.

"Well, I could say the same about me," I said brightly, holding up my Chocolate Frog card, "We should go ask Dumbledore,"  
"What are you talking about, Lily?" James tilted his head to the side, "Everyone knew you would get Head Girl,"  
"What?" I laughed, a slightly hysterical sound, "No, everyone knew it would be Lucinda Malfoy,"  
"Well, people did consider her," James looked thoughtful, "But really, save the Slytherins, everybody knew it would be you. And no one cares what the Slytherins think anyway,"  
"I… I," I stammered, lost for words.

Did people really think that I would be Head Girl?

I knew I did well in my classes, but that was the _only_ thing I did well in.

"Trust me, Lily," he quirked a smile at me, "You're perfect for this job,"

"Well then, I can say the same about you," I said, trying to force the blush down, "You're popular and you're smart. So why not?"  
"I think we know why not," James said wryly, "Perhaps you've forgotten about the million and four detentions I've been in?"  
Wow. He didn't even latch onto the fact that I complimented him. Who _was_ he?

"No, it doesn't matter because… Because you'll do great," I finished lamely and started to open another chocolate, trying to distract myself, "I mean, you led the meeting really well today,"  
"That was all Remus," he said dismissively.  
"No, that was _you_ Potter," I informed him and sighed when his expression continued to be disbelieving, "Fine, let's say that Dumbledore _did_ make a mistake. With the two of us,"  
I held up a hand when he opened his mouth to protest.

"But, two negatives make a positive, right?" I continued and watched as the brooding expression left his face, a slight smile curving his lips, "So let's hope that you and I won't completely ruin this to shambles, and I don't know, set the school on fire or something,"  
"The school has anti flammatory spells all over it," James informed me, "We tried back in third year,"  
"You tried to set the _school_ on fire?" I asked, my eyes widening and he quickly shook his head.

"No, it was a spell gone wrong," James grimaced and then laughed, the tension leaving his shoulders as he settled back onto the seat.

He gave me a lazy smile, "You make a fair point, Evans. Two wrongs make a right. I always liked that saying,"  
"Two wrongs _don't_ make a right, I think you're getting confused, Potter," I said flatly.

James scratched his head, "Ah, was that the saying? So Sirius and I have been getting it all wrong all this time, no wonder we got in so much trouble,"

I couldn't help but laugh at that and his smile widened.

"James," he said, leaning over the table so that his face was closer to mine, and I locked into place.

"What?" I replied awkwardly, flustered by his proximity.

From this distance, I could see how long and dark his lashes were, unlike my stupid, blonde ones, and the small, silver scar that was at his temple.

"You keep calling me Potter,"  
"Oh," I blinked, pulling away slightly, "Sorry, habit… James,"  
His eyes crinkled at that and he hummed under his breath as he fished out another bean and tossed it into his mouth. Immediately he spat it out, coughing.

I laughed, pushing him a glass of pumpkin juice which he downed quickly.

"Vomit," he explained through his gasps, " _Vomit_ ,"  
I laughed harder.

Maybe this year was going to be okay after all.

* * *

"Oi, Evans," Sirius bellowed from down the table, "I'm surprised you two made it out in one piece!"  
I tossed a roll at his face but in true Lily fashion, it missed, landing on his plate instead. He guffawed before picking it up and promptly shoved it into his mouth.

"Thanks for that,"

"Shut it, Black," I scowled, piling more potatoes onto my plate.

Merlin, I was starved and I had forgotten just how delicious Hogwarts food was.  
"Your aim is pathetic really," Kate tutted, grabbing another roll and lobbing it down the table.

It hit the side of Sirius' face with a solid _thump_ and she laughed gleefully, "That's how you do it,"  
"Don't you dare," I pointed my fork at Sirius, who had picked up a plate of sausages and was glaring at Kate mutinously, "Just _eat_ ,"  
"A bit hypocritical of you, isn't it Lily?" Peter tittered and withered immediately when I glared at him, "I mean... Yeah, Padfoot, just eat,"  
Mary,who was sitting at the end of the table with her boyfriend, Jonathan Wood, raised her eyebrows at us and mouthed " _Behave"._

I rolled my eyes at that, shaking my head _._

Did I ever not behave?

Please, I was _Head Girl_ , that meant I was mature and always on my best behaviour. An exemplar role model to all the junior years, really.

Or so I tried to be anyway.

Baby steps.

I took a sip of the pumpkin juice and let out a sigh of satisfaction. As much as I loved spending time with my mother ( not Petunia though, but the feeling was mutual so she barely counted) it was not home anymore.

Hogwarts was my home.

"What are you thinking about?" Kate asked, helping herself to ice cream, "Your head is more in the clouds than usual, Lily,"

"It's just good to be back," I told her, taking a portion of treacle tart happily, "The food, the halls, just everything. It's so good to be back,"

Summer holidays had been excruciatingly long. I had spent the entire two months at Vernon and Petunia's. My sister's walrus of a husband had flinched violently every time I had entered the room and Petunia had spent the entire time ignoring me. And my mum... I shivered slightly, shaking the thought away. I wondered if anyone else missed the castle as much as I did. It saddened me, the realisation that I was drifting further and further away from my family, from my old self, as I slowly immersed myself more deeply into the world of magic.

"Yeah, I can't believe it's our last Welcoming Feast," Kate said thoughtfully, "And that was the last Sorting we will watch. Ever,"

I grew silent at that.

I knew graduation was closer than ever now, and some parts of me couldn't wait to leave and experience the world, but at the same time, I was terrified. A war was raging outside the safe walls of Hogwarts where I could sleep in peace under the protection of Dumbledore, but one glance at that paper pulled me back into the harsh reality of the life outside our stone haven. Resistance was weakening whilst the discrimination and hate was gaining momentum, people were being murdered, _slaughtered,_ and because of that, many were fleeing into hiding.

I didn't know what I was going to do exactly after I graduated, but I knew for certain that I was not going to hide. This war was personal; it was against Muggleborns like me, and half bloods like Mary. If others were brave enough to fight for me, for us, then I was more than willing to join the battle against Voldemort. Someday, _one_ day, I knew for sure that it would end because evil could not prevail and I was going to do my bloody best to be a part of what stopped him. I mean, look at Hitler, he was stopped eventually. History, if nothing, always repeated itself.

And maybe, just maybe, I'd make a difference.

I hoped so.


	3. Chapter 3: The One with the 1st Year

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"We need to go see Dumbledore," James stifled a yawn, rumpling his messy hair, "Right?"  
"Right," I replied, rubbing my eyes as we trudged down the corridor towards the Headmaster's office.

We were both exhausted, I could see the tiredness in James' eyes that reflected mine and my body yearned to just bury myself into my warm bed, undoubtedly kept warm by the house elves (really, I loved them all, they deserved a medal) and sleep. But of course, I couldn't do that.

James and I had spent the last hour checking that each of the houses had entered their common room in one piece and that no stragglers, especially first years, were left behind.

Just moments back we had stumbled across a tear stained first year, just outside the Dining Hall, sitting on the steps, her face shiny with tears.

"Hey," James had knelt beside her, his voice holding a softness I have never heard before, "What are you doing out here?"  
"I was at the toilet," she said through hiccups, her pointed hat askew, "And when… When I came back, they were all gone,"  
"Naughty ickle first year," Peeves leered from above the banisters and he began to cackle madly when the girl started to cry again, "You're going to expelled. No more Hoggy warties for little one now,"  
I pointed my wand at him warningly, "Don't make me call the Baron,"

"Oooh, Miss Ginger has a wand," he stuck his tongue out at me, cackling as he flipped in the air.

I scowled. Ginger? Really creative fellow, wasn't he? So bloody funny. I hoped he would still be laughing once I drowned him in the Great Lake.

James rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Just ignore him, he's bitter because Dumbledore banned him from the feast," James said, giving the girl a crooked smile and Peeves blew an angry raspberry before floating up the stairs, howling the school song at the top of his lungs, "Come on, what House are you in?"  
"Gryffindor," she scrubbed at her eyes, peering up at him shyly.  
"Brilliant house, I'd know because I'm in it, but then again, Lily is in it too and she's a mess," James said, smiling teasingly up at me. I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest but the girl giggled a little at that, wiping at her eyes.

"You're good with kids," I noted.  
"I have experience, you know, with first years when they find out they can't try out for the team," James loosened his tie as he continued, "You learn that staring and yelling doesn't help with the tears. At all,"  
"Funny, I thought that would do the trick," I rolled my eyes.

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm, Evans,"  
"What happened to Lily?" I shot back.  
"Lily," he grinned at me and I smiled grudgingly back and we continued our walk in sleepy silence.

"Erm," his hand was at his hair again, staring at the gargoyle, "Do you happen to know the password?"  
"Chocolate clusters," I reminded him, fishing out from my pocket the crumpled note that Dumbledore had sent us before dinner time.  
James wrinkled his nose in distaste, "Peter tried to feed it to me before. I was not happy. They twitch, did you know that?"  
"That's foul," I grimaced as the gargoyle moved to reveal the winding staircase, "And fix your tie. You can't go to the Headmaster looking like you just rolled out of bed,"  
"I wish I could be in bed," he grumbled, tugging at his tie. I watched as he attempted to flatten his hair, but it was tenaciously messy, springing back into place despite his fingers desperately raking at the strands. I bit back a smile when he sighed in defeat, dropping his hands.

"There, am I presentable now?" he held out his arms and I nodded approvingly.

"Good boy,"  
He scoffed at that before he lifted his hand, knocking against the heavy wood twice.

"Come in,"  
The door swung open to reveal the Headmaster's large, circular office. The walls were lined with portraits of old Headmasters and Headmistresses, many who were awake and peering down at us with unabashed curiosity. And there were his instruments. I remembered my first time in his office, three years ago, and being baffled and mind blown by the amount of movement in Dumbledore's room. The shelves were filled with silver instruments, some turning, others twisting and spinning or humming. It was disorientating. Fawkes let out a melodious cry when we entered the room and James lifted a hand to stroke its head gently. My eyes wandered around the room, taking note of the many books and papers scattered throughout the room and offered Phineas Black, the portrait above Dumbledore's chair, a small smile when our eyes met. He curled his lips in return. Yep, definitely a Black.

I fought the urge to cross my eyes at him and instead, looked away.

I wondered to myself where Dumbledore slept. Did he even need sleep?

He smiled at me over the half moon of his spectacles and motioned for us to sit.

"Good evening, Professor," James said, breaking the silence.

"Good evening, Mr Potter, Miss Evans," he said calmly, "I trust you enjoyed your dinner?"  
"Very much, Sir, your speech as usual, especially the ending, was incredibly enlightening," I said and James grinned from next to me.

Dumbledore, per tradition, had ended his speech with Poppycock! Which was when our feast appeared before us.

"I'm glad you are able to see the humour in things," he smiled serenely, "People tend to take me quite seriously at times which is quite unfortunate. Sherbet?"  
"No thank you," I said politely and James refused too.

"Mr Potter," he unwrapped a candy slowly, his eyes never leaving us, "Miss Evans. I am sure you are aware that we are in a very, very dark time,"  
"Yes sir," James said immediately and I nodded next to him, silent.

"I have chosen you two as Head Boy and Head Girl for a very specific reason, though I trust that you are already well aware of that," he continued, raising his eyebrows a fraction when James and I exchanged glances, before he continued, "Remember what the Sorting Hat said. He doesn't make those songs on whim,"  
I bit down on my lip, "Unity,"  
"Yes," his eyes fixed onto mine, "Exactly, Miss Evans,"  
"You want us to unify Hogwarts. To keep the student body strong," James leaned forward. His voice turning fiercer, "But it's hard, Sir, with Slytherin. We know that Voldemort is only able to do what he does because he has followers who believe in his hogwash and it's their parents that are right behind him,"

"Ah, James," he shook his head sadly, "But it is not just those in Slytherin who are vulnerable to Voldemort. It is many who seek power, many who have weakness in their souls,"

James sank back into his seat, his fingers gripping the armrests so hard they were white.  
"Who doesn't have weaknesses though?" I interrupted and he chuckled approvingly.

"Indeed, Miss Evans, but there are those who can choose to fight because of the weakness, and there are those who succumb to it," he touched his fingers together, looking at us, "You are entering a war, a war that is turning bleaker each passing second. But we must keep pure from within. And to do that, it is crucial that you two are united,"  
We glanced at each other uncertainly.

"We get along," James said quickly, "I mean, when we were younger we didn't… But we're okay now, aren't we Lily?"  
He sounded slightly uncertain towards the end. I smiled at him and it was not for the Headmaster's benefit when I nodded.

"Yeah, we are," I replied.

"Good," Dumbledore nodded, "Remember, love and kindness begets more than hate does, Mr Potter, Miss Evans,"  
"Yes, Sir," we both murmured quietly.

"Now, go to your bedrooms and sleep," the twinkle in his eyes returned, "Because if I remember correctly, forgive me if I am wrong, N.E.W.T.S year is quite… Tolling, to say the least. And it all begins tomorrow,"  
I couldn't help the little groan that escaped my lips and blushed furiously when Dumbledore and James laughed.

"Miss Evans, do not worry," he smiled at me warmly, "You will do fine,"

Psh.

Fine? I wish.

He obviously did not know that I got an _E_ for Arithmacy in my OWLs, much to my chagrin.

"That was interesting," James said from behind me as we trailed down the staircase, "Wasn't it?"  
I ran a hand through my hair tiredly, my braid had come undone hours earlier, and I knew by touch that my hair resembled a bird's nest.

"Yeah," our footsteps pattered against the stone floors, the flickering flames from the torches casting our shadows long across the hallway, "It was,"

We both continued in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

Why did he appoint me as Head Girl? I was amongst the top of the grade, I knew that, but I wasn't the only clever witch in seventh grade.

Was it because I was Muggleborn?

Was it because I was the only one willing to chastise the Marauders? I glanced at James from the corner of my eyes, and I could see that his head was ducked low, his brows drawn tight over his eyes. I wondered what he was thinking about.

Now that we were back in Hogwarts, it became more and more obvious why he chose James. James belonged in Hogwarts, he was an integral piece of the school, not only because he knew the whole damn place back to front, but because he was loved and respected by all. I could see it in the way that he moved effortlessly amongst our peers, knocking fists lightly with the boys that called their greetings and smiling easily at the girls who preened around him.

Was I loved and respected like he was?

I didn't think so.  
"I'm going to fight, Lily," he said when we were at the base of the staircase to our dormitories. I stopped on the stairs, looking back at him in surprise.

He looked up at me with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, his eyes blazing, "I'm going to fight till the end,"  
I smiled at him softly, "I know you are, James,"

"You will too, won't you?"  
"Of course, red hair temper and all," I said lightly, gesturing to my messy hair and grinned, "I can't stand it if someone picks on me,"  
His lips curved into a familiar, boyish smile that softened his features, "I know,"  
"Yes, you would," I rolled my eyes and turned around, "Night, James,"  
"Good night, Lily,"


	4. Chapter 4: The One with Useless Mates

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

I needed new friends.

That was the first thought I had this morning when I felt someone yank at my blankets, someone with _exceptional_ upper body strength who had, moments ago, also wrenched open the bloody curtains that provided me privacy, and most importantly, _darkness_. My body which was twisted into the sheets was unceremoniously dumped onto the hard ground, along with the blanket. Without opening my eyes, I crawled back onto the bed, burying my face into the pillow. Who needed blankets to sleep anyway?

I didn't.

"Wake up," the all too familiar voice chanted, jumping up and down on the mattress and I groaned in frustration as sleep slipped further and further away.

I was going to kill her.

I yelped when I felt cold fingers pressing onto the bare skin of my thighs and shot up, glaring groggily at the figure peering down at me from her position by my head. Kate was smiling, far, far too brightly for the morning, waving a sheet of paper in my face.

"Rise and shine, princess," she plopped onto the bed next to my face, showing me the paper, "Who's your best friend?"  
"Mary," I rolled onto my stomach, snatching the paper from her and squinted at it.

It was our class schedule.

Transfiguration followed by Herbology.

Not too bad for a Tuesday morning, really.

"No, Mary is busy snogging Jonathan in the third corridor," Kate smacked my shoulder and I moaned, blindly reaching for the blankets on the floor. I threw it over my head but it flew off immediately and I sighed in defeat. She was too much of a force to handle alone in the morning without Mary, who was a morning person about as much as I was, to act as a buffer. Kate, already dressed in her school robes, was waiting by the foot of my bed, all but dancing with excitement.

She was like an overgrown puppy, that girl. With the attention span of one too.

"Okay, okay," I stuffed my feet into the slippers, "I'm up,"  
"I don't think you showed a proper amount of gratefulness for that," Kate pointed at the class schedule, "If I weren't so charming, McGonagall wouldn't have handed it over,"  
"Charming," I muttered underneath my breath as I shrugged on my bathrobe, "Yeah, that's exactly what you are,"  
"Watch it, Evans," she followed me to the toilet, washing as I scrubbed at my face with cold water, "Why did you come in so late, last night? Were you with James?"  
"We were talking to Dumbledore," I said, dabbing at my face with a towel and slammed the door shut for some privacy to change into my robes.

"Oh, what did he say? Did he impeach you two?" her voice was muffled against the door.  
" _No_ ,"

Thank God.

I quickly changed into my school robes and then glanced at the mirror to look at my hair. I had showered last night and slept with my hair half dry. The result was a messy, tangled dark red mess. I sighed, running a comb through it before I started to brush my teeth.

"Hurry, you're going to miss breakfast," she tapped against the door and I rolled my eyes, jerking the door open.

I had forgotten what Hogwarts morning was like in the girl's dormitory. I was the last one up, as usual, but the dorm was a mess. Clothes, shoes, makeup and books were haphazardly thrown all over the room, some strewn across the floor even. And it was only our second day back.

"You know, Lils," Kate was saying as we jogged down the stairs, my bag bumping comfortably against my shoulder, "You should be more of a morning person,"  
"How about you be _less_ of one?" I grumbled back, my eyes glued onto my timetable as I tried to memorise it. Because chances were, I was going to lose the piece of paper within a week, and I might as well have ask the Whomping Willow to be nice, than ask Professor McGonagall for a new one.

" _Fuck,"_ someone slammed into me and I tumbled back into Kate, rubbing my forehead as I glared up at Sirius, "Watch where you're walking, Evans,"  
"Who told you to charge through like that?" I snapped back, cradling my wrist. My nose stung from ramming into his shoulder.

"You have eyes for a fucking reason," he retorted, rubbing his shoulder whilst furiously glaring down at me, "Dammit, Evans, is your head made out of bricks? Why does it hurt so bloody much?"  
"Stones actually," I snarled and he opened his mouth to retort but Remus just shook his head.

Sirius' mouth snap shut at that and he grit his teeth and looked away from me, muttering something about girls with wool in their head for brains.

That _arse_.  
"Both of them aren't really morning people, are they?" Kate remarked from behind us and we both turned simultaneously to scowl at her.

"Sirius needs his morning milk before we can let him loose," James, who I hadn't noticed, chuckled from next to her and handed me the schedule I dropped.

"Thanks," I muttered, shoving it in my bag.

"But bloody hell, Lily," James was shaking his head, "How many classes are you taking? Potions, Defence, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms, Arithmacy _and_ Divination?"

"I need them," I informed him, my tone matter of fact and he raised his eyebrows.

"Are you planning a career in Gringotts with a side job as an Auror and a seer?"

"You got me," I checked my watch and frowned at Kate, "Fifteen minutes till breakfast is over,"  
"Come on, let's go," Kate tugged at my elbow, "See you guys soon,"

"Move it, _Black_ ," I said when he stepped in my path, his arms crossed over his chest.  
"Make me, Evans," he sneered but James yanked him away, clearing the path,"Hey-,"  
"Quit being a prat, Padfoot," James shook his head in exasperation, "Let her have some breakfast,"  
"Who's side are you on?" Sirius looked outraged whilst James and Remus exchanged a glance.

"I think I have some Honeydukes chocolate in my trunk," Remus said, gently guiding Sirius towards the staircase.

"I have cauldron cakes from the train too," James added, thumping Sirius' back, "It's going to be fine mate,"  
I rolled my eyes, "What a big baby,"  
"Lily, you're pot," Kate laughed, and pointed to the retreating figure of Sirius, "And he's kettle,"  
I grumbled under my breath but I was far too hungry to care.

Eggs. Bacon. Sausages. Toast.

Yum.

"Is Mary really in the third corridor snogging Wood?" I asked as I poured myself another glass of pumpkin juice. Kate snickered as she nibbled on the edge of a toast.

"Yes, thinks they're being really smooth about it too," Kate shook her head and her voice rose a fraction, "Erm. John and I are just… Going to go on a walk. Yes. A walk,"  
We collapsed into a fit of laughter at that.

Mary had met Jonathan last year during the final Quidditch match, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw, and had been dating every since. I liked Jonathan well enough, he was sweet in a quiet, unassuming sort of way.

"Feeling better?" Kate asked as we climbed the staircase to the Transfiguration classroom.

"Much," I nodded and bit down on my lower lip, "Should I apologise to Sirius?"  
"Nah, he probably forgot about it now," she shrugged jauntily, waving her wand around as she skipped, "Reckon we'll finally start animal Transfiguration yet? I always wanted to transform Jones into a rat,"

I rolled my eyes at that. Hestia Jones was our fourth and final roommate, and honestly, I'm not too sure what happened. We all got along fine until fifth year, but suddenly she started acting like a complete bitch to all of us, especially me. I shook the thought away.

Transfiguration and Arithmacy were two subjects I struggled with, meaning I had to put a lot more effort into the two subjects than I did to my others. I had barely scraped an O for Transfiguration and had gotten an E for Arithmacy last year. I sighed again.

Maybe James was right. Maybe I was taking far too many classes but the competitive, inquisitive nature in me couldn't help it. I loved learning about magic, I couldn't help but be greedy to learn as much as I could whilst I had the chance to.

* * *

"Mr Lupin, sit in between Mr Potter and Mr Black," Professor McGonagall said as soon as she entered the classroom.

"We didn't _do_ anything yet," James argued as he stuffed his books back into his bag.

"The use of the word _yet_ worries me, Mr Potter," she replied flatly, "Let's go through seventh year without an explosion, or Merlin forbid, a detention,"

"Can't promise that, sorry, Professor" James smiled at the older Professor who just returned it with an unblinking stare.

"Is this a ruse to get me closer to you, Professor?" Sirius winked at her suggestively but her face remained stony and he sighed dramatically, "Alright, alright, no need to push me, Moony,"  
Kate was right. He was obviously in a better mood now.

I turned my attention back to class, my thoughts drifting as I gazed out the window to the greenhouses. Outside, I could see the Ravenclaw seventh years marching towards the third greenhouse with large, ceramic pots in their arms.

"Lockheart is so fit, isn't he?" Kate whispered to me and I jumped in my seat, surprised.

My eyes flickered to the Professor who was busy explaining the dangers of human animal transfiguration to notice us.

"Yeah," I looked at the blonde outside, his hair gleaming in the sunlight, "He is,"  
"Do you still fancy him?"  
"No," I whispered back, blushing furiously, "I don't. I just think he's one, fine, fine specimen, okay?"  
"And you want his babies,"  
"Maybe,"  
"Don't be silly, your red will clash horribly with his skin," Kate said and I nudged her, digging my elbow into her side, "Merlin, Lily! Keep your bony elbows to yourself,"  
I was going to take another jab when I noticed that Professor McGonagall was watching us with an impassive stare, her brows low with disapproval.

I managed a weak smile, "Sorry,"  
"Pay attention _inside_ , Miss Evans, Miss Skye," she said, shaking her head, "I'm sure Mr. Lockheart will look the same at lunch,"  
Kate, being the mad person she is, just cracked up hysterically, seeming to find the situation all very amusing whilst I sank into my seat, my face the same shade as my hair.

Oh god.

I really did need new friends.

* * *

"Fancy seeing you here," I said amicably, moving my bag off the bench as Mary approached, her cheeks pink, "Thought you and Jonathan were going to take another walk,"  
Her blush deepened, "I knew Kate would tell you!"  
"Of course, Kate can't keep a secret to save her life," I reminded her, taking a spoonful of soup. I had spent the afternoon in the library, checking out relevant books to do with my classes, and was starving. Something about the library was physically draining; maybe it was just Madame Pince and her continuous and angry tirade of French. When I had left, she was busy screeching at a table of first years, who, bless their poor souls, didn't know any better than to play Exploding Snap right in front of her.

"I swear, we were just talking," she mumbled into her sandwich and I smirked.

"Mm, I'm sure your mouths were very busy," I nodded.

" _Lily_ ," she blushed furiously and I laughed, petting her hand reassuringly.

"Lily?"  
I turned around to see James standing behind me, holding our patrols book with a perplexed expression contorting his features.

"Hey," I patted the seat next to me, "Sit down,"

He looked surprised but he sat down carefully, laying the book on top of the table. I watched him in amusement, noting the wariness in his face. I was just trying to be nice, after all, Dumbledore did tell us to get along, and honestly, James Potter was a lot more bearable now than he was for the last five years.

"The patrols," he pushed the book towards me, "I don't really get it,"  
I looked up when I heard the edge in his voice. There was a crease between his eyebrows and I could see that his lower lip pouted ever so slightly and I realised how unhappy and uncomfortable he was to admit to it. I reminded myself that James too, was uncertain about his position as Head Boy.

Maybe we had more in common than I thought.

I offered him a smile, "It's okay, I know it gets a little confusing at first,"  
I flipped the book open to the page, pointing at the columns, "The Prefects write the three dates they prefer to patrol for the next fortnight and the book is charmed to arrange it to fit their timetable as best as possible,"  
"Oh," James closed his eyes, rubbing his temples with a sheepish smile, "I thought I was going crazy when I saw Amos Diggory's name on Thursday when I could swear it was on Friday before,"  
I laughed and pointed to the names in red, "And if there are any clashes, it's up to us to sort it out. Ugly business, really, some prefects get so worked up about this,"

"We can make them duel it out," he shrugged, "Winner takes all,"  
"Not a bad idea, Potter,"

" _James_ ," he reminded me.

"James," I corrected myself, smiling.  
"When are our patrols?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow questioningly up at me.

I hadn't added our names yet.  
"I'm pretty much free whenever," I shrugged, shifting back when his hair, the strands surprisingly silky soft, brushed against my cheek as he leaned forward to read the table.

"Well, I have Quidditch practice Monday and Wednesday evenings and Friday mornings," he glanced up at me, "But I'm okay with the other days,"

"Kate's going to throw a fit," I sighed, neatly writing our names into the blank slate for next Tuesday evening.

Kate was much more of a morning person than an evening person. In fact, past five, her mood slowly deteriorated until it was bedtime. Three hours flying around on a broom did nothing to improve her mood.

"Kate will appreciate it when we win the Cup," he waved a hand dismissively.  
"Confident, aren't we?"  
"It's warranted confidence, Lils," he grinned at me and I blinked, surprised by his use of my nickname.

"Anyway, thanks for your help," he stood up, rumpling his hair, "I have to go make sure Padfoot doesn't…,"

He trailed off, a guilty expression coming onto his face when I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion.

"James, do I need to remind you that you're _Head Boy_?"

"I know, I know," he said quickly, "Don't worry, they're not doing anything crazy,"  
"James, Sirius _is_ crazy," I said flatly.

Instead of getting offended on his best friend's behalf, James just pursed his lips before nodding slowly. That really spoke miles about Sirius, didn't it?  
"You know, I think you may be right about that, I might have to take him to St Mungo's to get tested," he said thoughtfully.

"Definitely crazy,"  
"Can't really blame him, can you?" he shrugged, tugging at his tie, "Not when his family is a bunch of nut jobs. No wonder he has the emotional range of a pea,"  
"A pea might be too generous, I was thinking a rice grain,"  
"You are a cruel woman, Lily Evans," he said disapprovingly as he picked up the notebook but I could see a hint of a smile play on his lips.

"Don't let him burn the dorms down," I told him and he grinned at me.

"I told you, the castle is flame retardant," he rolled his eyes before adding, "Unless we use cursed fire or something. Which we _won't,_ keep your hair on Evans,"  
With that, he waved at me, giving Mary, who I had completely forgotten about, a salute, before ambling out of the Great Hall.

"You two are really getting along now, aren't you?" she asked, having watched our interaction with a vaguely impressed look.

"We're trying,"  
"Good, because James is actually really decent," Mary took a bite from the apple, "And you were really mean to him, you know,"  
"He was a prick though," I said defensively.

He _was_. I could still vividly remember the shouting matches I had with James back in fourth and fifth year as I tried hard to get it through his head that it was _not_ okay to hex others because they annoyed you. He had just laughed in my face before proceeding to ask me to Hogsmeade.

Tosser.  
"But you were a little harsher to James because of Severus," Mary shrugged.

I deflated at that, my eyes automatically flickering towards the Slytherin table. He was not there.

"Yeah, I guess," I said softly, swallowing the hard lump that had formed in my throat.

Mary squeezed my hand comfortingly, "It's okay, Lily,"  
"Is it?"  
"You gave him enough chances," she continued soothingly, "You had no reason to let him continue hurt you like that,"  
I sighed, "You're right,"  
She was right and it was something I had heard and thought about for _years_ now. Snape and I had an unhealthy, bordering on toxic, relationship and he was clearly going down a path that I could not condone. I spent years trying to convince him to keep away from the Dark Arts, to avoid the likes of Mulciber, Avery and Rosier, but he hadn't listened. Because he didn't _want_ to, he was happy with the life he had chosen and I could do absolutely nothing about it.

So why did it still hurt so much?


	5. Chapter 5: The One with Slughorn's idea

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

Potions was going to be the death of me, wasn't it?

Ironic, really, that one of my favourite subjects would be the cause of my demise.

Thanks Slughorn, thank you very much. And you wonder why I don't go to your bloody Slug Club meetings anymore.

I was minding my own business, perfectly blissfully unaware of my impeding fate as I chatted with Kate and Mary about Gilderoy Lockhart's hair, when Slughorn burst into the classroom, a flurry of green and silver.

"Right, right," he beamed at me and I smiled back cheerfully, because I was unaware of the fact that he wanted me to _die_ , "Let's get sorted, shall we?"  
He fished out the class roll and eyed it carefully before a small smile curved his lips.

"All right, the Headmaster _keeps_ on reminding us teachers about the importance of cooperation and such," he glanced up at us disapprovingly, "And it seems like there are two, certain houses that do not get along,"  
Our Potions class was shared with Slytherins and there was an obvious divide in the classroom, with the Gryffindors sitting to the left of the classroom, and the Slytherins to the right. We all just stared back at him, all sixteen of us sporting the identical look of suspicion.

What was he trying to say?

It was in our _blood_ to dislike each other, well, not really, but it was just a part of history!

Gryffindors and Slytherins hated each other since probably the Founders era. Why was he trying to meddle with history?

Mr. Horace Slughorn, you are trying to play a dangerous, dangerous game.

"Lily Evans, my girl," he was still smiling at me, completely oblivious to the tension in the room. Already four students had been paired together and were sitting as far as possible from each other on the bench, scowling.

I stared up at him stonily.

Please don't let it be Snape.

 _Please._

"Please move your belongings to Miss Selwyn's table,"

My jaw dropped open.

Elizabeth _Selwyn_?

I didn't know who was worse, Snape or Selwyn. At least I've talked to Snape before, and I was _quite_ sure that he wasn't going to kill me. But Elizabeth on the other hand… She was the queen of Slytherin, it was said her bloodline traced back to the bloody founder of her House… And here I was, Lily Evans, a Muggleborn. I think my great grandfather was a farmer. Or a carpenter.

I turned my head a fraction to see the cool, silvery eyes of Elizabeth stare back at me, her face a perfectly blank canvas.

Great. Just bril.

"It's going to be okay," Mary squeezed my hand anxiously as I packed my supplies.

"Yeah, she's mad to try poison you when there's antidotes in the back closet," Kate said soothingly and I glared at her, "If anything, she'll probably try get you _outside_ the classroom,"  
"You're not helping," I muttered, smacking her shoulder in annoyance and she just tittered.

James, from behind us, grinned at me and whispered loudly, "Remember, Evans, don't tuck your thumb in when you're going for the punch,"  
"Aim for the nose too," Sirius added.

"Try not to swing your arm much either," Remus smiled and motioned with his arms, "Short and direct does the trick,"  
"You can always cry, if all goes wrong," Peter supplied helpfully, picking up my dropped quill and held it out to me, "Tears tend to confuse the enemy,"  
"Yeah, _you_ would know Wormtail," Sirius snorted and he and the rest collapsed into laughter whilst Peter blushed, stammering furiously.

These bloody gits.

They weren't laughing when Sirius got assigned with Snape.

"You've got to be kidding me," Sirius was raging when I sat down next to Elizabeth, "No _fucking_ way,"  
"Language, Mr. Black," Professor Slughorn said mildly, shaking his wand, "Now please get moving unless you would like to discuss your opinions on the seating plans with Professor Dumbledore,"  
With a mutinous glare, Sirius grabbed his belongings and threw them onto the table in front of mine belligerently.

"Move out of the way, Snivellus,"

"I see your temperament is still the same as a five years old," Snape said back, sneering, "Oh wait, I think that's insulting to the five years old. At least they know how to go to the bathroom without _mummy_ ,"  
His black eyes flickered at James, who was sitting stiffly with his hands clenched tight into fists next to Avery.

"A bit rich coming from you, isn't it Snivellus?" Sirius asked, his lips curling back in distaste, "When's the last time you washed your hair? Or your robes, for that matter. Oh wait, is it because you don't have a _mummy_ to do that all for you?"  
Snape's back tightened, his shoulders ridged as he snarled, "Be careful, Black,"

"What are you going to do?" Black cocked his head and smirked, "Wave your granny pants at me?"  
Snape's hand went to the pockets of his robe where his wand was stashed, but before he could take it out, a soft voice stopped him.

"Severus, enough," Elizabeth said from next to me.

I jumped in surprise. It was my first time hearing her speak.

Her voice was monotonous, almost bored, but there was a certain authority to it that made Snape hesitate, his eyes flickering over to hers before he dropped his hand unwillingly, turning back to the board where Slughorn, that blind old coot, was writing the instructions to our potion.

Sirius looked gleeful as he slapped our tabletop approvingly, "Good job, Liz, I see you got yourself a new dog. Though I don't know what you're going to do with a mutt like him. I suggest you put him down,"  
Sirius knew Elizabeth?

Well, I supposed all old pureblood families knew each other in some way or another but it surprised me that he was close enough to call her Liz. Sirius spent so much energy denouncing himself from his pureblood family, I tend to forget that before Hogwarts, he led a life that was very different to how it was now.

"Get your hand off my table, Black," was all she said.

"I see you still got a stick shoved up your arse," he raised his brows at me and smirked, "Perfect for you, Evans,"  
"Shut up, Black," I rolled my eyes at that.  
"See? Perfect," he smirked as he turned around.

I sighed tiredly and glanced at the clock. Two more hours of this, I thought glumly, and caught the eye of James, who was staring at Sirius and Snape with a worried frown.

I held up my fist at him and pointed to Avery, mouthing, " _Thumbs out_ ,"  
James laughed at that, flashing a wide grin at me before turning his attention back to Slughorn.

This was going to be an interesting semester.

* * *

"I don't know what Slughorn was thinking," Mary was saying as we walked to lunch, "Is he a sadist? Does he want a fight to break out?"  
"I can't believe he paired Sirius with _Snape_ ," Kate shook her head in disgust, "Even the Professors know how much they _hate_ each other,"

Even hate was a weak work to describe the animosity between Sirius and Snape. I never really understood where it stemmed from, but all I knew was that it ran a mile deep and both Black and Snape were perpetrators, not the victims.  
I sighed, "I know, I'm surprised we even made it through the lesson without an explosion,"  
Sirius and Snape had sat at the edge of the bench, as far apart from each other as possible, barely speaking as they brewed the potion together. And when they spoke, it was always barbed insults to each other.

I had a headache just from watching them together.

"How was Selwyn?" Mary asked anxiously, "Did she say anything?"

I knew what the two were worried about. They were worried that she might have called me Mudblood, the most derogatory insult there was to a Muggleborn, like me. The two, who had grown up in the wizarding world, were more affected by the comment than I was. I had absolutely no context behind the word. All I knew was that it was meant to be offensive.  
"No," I shook my head, "Not really,"  
I had been friendly to her, trying to speak to her comfortably like I would talk to any other student, because one, I was Head Girl now and I shouldn't discriminate, two, Dumbledore was right about the need for unity, and three, because I realised that I had no real reason to be afraid of her.

And to my surprise, she was surprisingly… Well, nothing. She didn't snap at me, she didn't flinch when my skin accidentally touched hers and even apologised when I told her she was cutting the flobberworms incorrectly.

Elizabeth was aloof but not cruel.

"It went fine," I replied honestly, shrugging, "We just worked on the potion,"

The Wiggenweld Potion was a difficult potion, nowhere near as hard as its counterpart, the Draught of Living Death, but it had many, intricate steps that required a lot of concentration from the two of us. That was the reason I liked Potions so much. It was easy to get lost in the instructions and you entered a bubble where nothing mattered but precision and care.

And, I was pleased to say, that no one in our class, save Snape and Sirius, produced the bright, shade of green like we did.

"That potion was awful," Kate groaned, "Flobberworm mucus. I didn't even know they could produce mucus. Did you Lily?"

"Nope," I lied.

I did. I read our textbook back to front during the break.

"You little liar," she laughed, "I can see it all over your face. You loved it, didn't you?"  
"Maybe," I sang, skipping down the stairs. Mary caught me when I stumbled over my feet, hitting my head against the window. But other than that, life was good at the moment.

So sue me. I was a nerd. I liked learning and I enjoyed the challenge but it wasn't my fault really. It was magic's fault for being so damn interesting.

"Don't be mean, at least she stopped sleeping with the textbook," Mary told Kate and the two burst into laughter.

"I think the textbook got further than any bloke ever did with Lily," Kate snickered and yelped when I smacked her with my bag.

"Shut up, don't spoil my mood," I said warningly and Kate stuck her tongue out at me.

"I think Lily must be the only one in a good mood in our House after that class," Mary noted, a slight smile on her face as she shook her head.

"Hey, Kate," I turned to look at my friend who was still muttering about Mulciber, who she was partnered with, "How does Sirius know Elizabeth?"  
"Because they're cousins," Kate shrugged and smiled wryly, "We are one, big happy family,"  
"Oh,"

Who _wasn't_ related?  
"I know, it's weird," Kate said, pushing open the door to the Great Hall, "That we're all related. Hell, I find it weird. Which is why I can't believe some people actually buy the blood purity rubbish. Have you not seen the state of most of the purebloods? They're whack,"  
"Including you?" Mary asked innocently and I grinned.

Kate, on the other hand, ignored us, brightening noticeably when she noticed the food on the table.

"Pasta," she said approvingly, digging in, "I love Hogwarts,"

"Complete loon," I agreed.

* * *

I squinted in the dark, my wand between my teeth as I flipped through my Arithmacy textbook carefully. It was past midnight now and the dorm was silent, save for the sound of steady breathing from the sleeping figures in the room. And Hestia's snoring. I frowned a little, trying to block out the sound as I concentrated back onto my textbook.

I had already taken a nap after Charms instead of going to dinner, exhausted. I had spent most of the summer holidays stuck in my room doing nothing, so it was tiring, trying to adjust back to the busy swing of school life. It had already been almost two weeks since I returned to Hogwarts, but even now, I was still struggling to keep up.

It didn't help that I was taking an extra class with Head Duties on top of that. Speaking of which, we needed to have a Prefect meeting soon. From the corner of my eye, I saw Kate shift in her bed, snuggling into her blankets.

Her snoring really was starting to bother me. Snapping my book shut, I grabbed my dressing gown and put on my slippers before leaving the room quietly.

The common room was empty now, the fire blazing sleepily, casting a rosy warmth into the round room. I settled into one of the armchairs near the fire, opening my book again.

"Lily?"  
My head jerked up at the noise and I stared in stunned silence at James who was standing across from me.

"Merlin, you scared me," I breathed, lowering my hand from my chest, "What are you doing up?"  
James was dressed in blue pyjama bottoms and a faded grey shirt, his hair tousled and his glasses crooked on his nose.

"Quidditch," he held up a complicated looking chart and I wrinkled my nose.

"Is that all you men think about?"  
"And a few other things, we don't have that much room up here," he joked, sitting in the armchair across me, "What are you doing here?"  
"Arithmacy," I motioned to my textbook, "I didn't get a single word he said today. You dropped Arithmacy, didn't you?"  
"Yeah, pity since I liked Arithmacy," James shrugged, "But I wanted to concentrate on the other subjects,"  
I sighed, leaning back into the cushion of my chair, "I think I might drop Divination,"  
"Good idea, it's rubbish," he said.

"I know, I realised a little too late that my inner eye might be broken or something," I rolled my eyes, "I'm not sure how trustworthy Professor Warbles is considering how morbid that woman is,"  
"I know, she once told me I was going to die at twenty one," James grinned, "That's what, four years from now?"

"Funny, that's what she said to me too," I laughed and pulled a face, "But then again, she also told me that I was going to be pregnant next year,"

I had laughed in her face, much to her annoyance, when she had said that. Firstly, I didn't even have a _boyfriend_ , and next year was my first year out since graduation. I was probably going to be in Auror training or training to be a Healer.

Pregnant my arse.  
James wiggled his eyebrows, "Who's the lucky bloke?"  
"There is no bloke," I smiled a little and shrugged, "There are rumours that Dumbledore is considering getting rid of Divination from Hogwarts,"  
"Don't blame him, it's complete dragon's dung," he tapped his chin with his wand as he studied the chart carefully.

"We need to have a Prefect meeting soon," I told him after a few minutes of silence.

He blinked up at me, "Already?"  
"Yeah, we need to start a new schedule for rounds," I explained, "And I got all the complaints from the staff,"  
James groaned, "Complaints, great,"  
"Noticed quite a few ones about the Marauders," I raised my eyebrows at me and he widened his eyes innocently.

"Marauders? Never heard of them before," he said, scratching his head.

"Surely not? They're a bunch of prats who run amuck raising hell," I said drily and a small smile twitched the corner of his lips.

"Sounds like a pain,"  
"You have no idea," I said flatly and leaned closer, my voice dropping into a whisper, "And one of them is Head Boy,"  
James' eyes flew open, "Blasphemy,"  
"I know," I sighed, "I don't know what to do with him,"

"I'm sure that he's trying his best to rein them in as much as possible," James nodded sagely, "And he prevented Sirius from flooding the dungeons today,"  
"Oh really, now?"  
"Yes, and he's trying to indulge in the debauchery as little as possible,"  
"But he can't help himself," I said.  
"It's in his nature," James shrugged, holding out his hands.

"To be a prat?" I asked teasingly.

"To be a prat," he agreed and we both burst out into laughter, the sound echoing through the empty walls.

"You got it wrong, by the way," he pointed at my assignment after our laughter died down.

"Which one?"  
He tapped the second question with his wand, "It should be a negative,"  
"What?" I asked blankly, reading the question again, "But… _Oh_ ,"  
"You're welcome," he grinned and I rolled my eyes, fixing the answer.

"Thanks,"  
"You're welcome," he repeated and ducked when I tossed the cushion at him.

"Next Thursday," I told him, "At six. I'm scheduling the next Prefect Meeting then,"  
"Sure," he shrugged, "As long as it doesn't interfere with Quidditch,"  
"Quidditch," I muttered scathingly, " _Quidditch_ ,"  
"Hey, what's wrong with Quidditch?" he asked defensively, "It's completely brilliant. It raises House spirit and morale and-,"  
"Causes unwarranted hostility and competition between the Houses," I finished for him.

"A bit of competition is healthy,"  
"Not when it lands you in the Hospital Room," I told him, "Remember last year, Abbott and Lawrence were fighting in the corridors because of that? Really, it's ridiculous,"  
"Those two are idiots," he said dismissively, "No need to fight in the corridors. A quiet hex or two would have done the trick,"  
I rolled my eyes.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," James laughed at my expression and I couldn't help but smile grudgingly back.

"You four are the worst," I pointed my quill at him accusingly, "Do you remember when you painted the Slytherin tables red and gold? Yeah, McGonagall was not impressed,"  
"She was probably dancing inside, she loves winning just as much as we do," James said, running a hand through his hair as he grinned, "And she probably was impressed by our spellwork too,"  
I pursed my lips but didn't argue with that because _I_ was impressed by it last year.

Even Flitwick couldn't remove the charm from the tables, and it was quite hilarious, watching the Slytherins eat their food sulkily for two days before it changed back.

"You guys are incorrigible," I said, shaking my head.  
"We're the Marauders," he shrugged and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I thought you said you've never heard of them,"  
"Hm? What? I can't hear you, Lily," he was laughing when I threw another pillow at his face, "You're so bloody violet, Evans,"  
"You _make_ me resort to violence," I retorted, tossing another one at him but he caught it this time.  
"Excuses," he shook his head at me but his eyes were gleaming when they met mine, "You're as human as the rest of us, aren't you?"  
"Of course," I said in surprise and laughed uncertainly, "What did you expect me to be? A goblin?"  
"You're too pretty to be a goblin," he said easily.

"That's not nice, I've met my share of attractive goblins before," I said, trying to hide the blush that was heating my cheeks.

Pretty?

"Really? Then I owe Sirius ten galleons,"

I laughed a little, "You two are ridiculous,"  
"So are you, Lily Evans," he replied and we both grinned like lunatics at each other.

Maybe it was the late night and lack of food that addled with my brain, but at that moment, I felt comfortable and more at ease than I had felt in a long time. And when I finally got to bed an hour later, I fell asleep smiling.


	6. Chapter 6: The One with Elizabeth Selwyn

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

The first time it happened, I ignored it, steadily pouring over my spreadsheets instead as I slowly worked through my Arithmacy assignment. The second time it happened, I just grit my teeth together, taking deep, controlling breaths to calm myself but refused to turn my head and snap.

Last night, Hestia had informed me as I got ready for bed, that people thought I was a 'shrill shrew', which was, as you can guess, very flattering to hear. She said this all while she was undressing, having no problems whatsoever flaunting her toned and perpetually tanned body.

Hestia as always did wonders to my self esteem.

Still, it was slightly unnerving to hear that there was a possibility (if she wasn't lying as usual) I had not changed at all from my fifth year self. I was well aware how… _Shrill_ I was during my fourth and fifth year and had made a conscious effort to step out of that character as I had entered sixth year.

I thought I was doing well, but apparently not…

So from today, I was trying to be _un-shrill_ Lily. Cool as a cucumber Lily. Because there was no need to encourage the red hair stereotype. I mean, there had got to be some red heads in the world that were not

1) Pale and freckly with long, knobbly limbs

2) Had a fuse the length of my pinkie

At least one.

If not, I was going to give up any of the hope I had left in humanity.

Then again, I _did_ hear that we were a dying breed…

But the third time it happened, I couldn't help myself and threw down my quill in annoyance, ink splattering over my parchment and fingers. I turned my head to glare at the four boys who had been sitting a few metres away from me. For the last half hour, they had sat there in front of the fire, speaking in hushed tones as they sneaked not so furtive glances towards me.

"What do you want?" I asked crossly and the four Marauders froze, identical expressions of surprise on their face.

Oh, honestly, did they think that they were being subtle? I heard the word _Evans_ being whispered at least four times in the last fifteen minutes. _And_ did they not know the whole point was _not_ to get caught when staring at someone? But I had caught each and every one of them at least twice.

"Well, shit, Evans," Sirius was the first one to regain composure, "What's your problem this time?"  
"You four idiots," I narrowed my eyes at them, "Quit talking about me,"

"I had no idea you were so vain, Lily," James shook his head, his expression the picture of wide eyed innocence, "We weren't talking about you,"  
"Remus," I turned to him but he grinned, raising his hands.

"We weren't talking about you," he repeated whilst Sirius guffawed from behind him.

That prat apparently found my annoyance hilarious.

"Oh great, even Remus is lying to me now," I crossed my arms over my chest, "How many other Evans are there in Hogwarts?"

"Four?" James guessed, turning to look at his friends, "I think there were four,"  
"Five, there's that little git in first year," Sirius snickered, "The one from Hufflepuff that tried to spy on us during practice,"

 _Merlin_ , it amazed me how these four were shocking synchronised, even with their lies.

"If you're going to talk about me, at least do it quietly. I want to concentrate on my bloody homework," I scowled at them.  
They exchanged glances, their eyes wordlessly communicating with each other.

"We were talking about Evan Rosier," Peter spoke up.

Psh.

"Whilst staring at me?" I raised my eyebrows at them.  
"We were staring at Sir Cornish," James insisted, pointing to the painting of the knight behind me.

"Yeah, we find his bloomers rather fetching," Sirius smirked, and I watched as rings of smoke appeared from the tip of his wand, drifting behind me. I turned my head as the knight called his greetings when he heard his name, so excited to be talked to that he fell off his horse. The four idiots burst into laughter, waving madly at him.

Arses.

"Well, you guys can have fun staring with Sir Cornish," I told them as I slammed my book shut before stuffing it into my bag.

"Where are you going Lily?" James asked, sitting up from his lounging position in the sofa.

"To the library," I slung my bag over my shoulder, staggering at its weight before I quickly cast a weightless charm to it. Much better.

"But its curfew soon," Remus said, checking his watch with a frown, "You don't even have an hour left and going there takes five minutes,"  
"At least no one will be staring and whispering about me," I retorted and James' expression turned apologetic.

"We'll go, Lily," James said, starting to stand, "You can stay,"

Sirius jerked him back down, "The hell with that. I'm staying. Evans can leave if she has a problem with it. It's not my problem she's a sensitive bitch,"  
The four of us fell into stunned silence, our mouths slightly parted as we looked at him.

I knew Sirius suffered from chronic moodiness, but I had never had it directed towards me so the acidity in his voice stung. James was looking down at his friend with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation. Remus looked thoughtful whilst Peter fidgeted anxiously, his eyes flickering between us rapidly.

"Sirius," James said slowly and I realised how rarely James addressed Sirius by his real name. It was always Padfoot.

"What?" Sirius snapped, looking up at James, his grey eyes challenging, "She's such a fucking-,"

"Sirius, enough," James cut him off, his voice dangerously low, "Don't talk to Lily like that,"  
"I don't need you to stand up for me," I said, meeting Sirius' stare unwaveringly, "Who peed in your cereal tonight?"  
"You and your bloody self righteousness," he sneered, shaking his head in disgust, "You-,"

I had heard enough.

No matter how I looked at the situation, I couldn't think of what I had done to elicit this sort of reaction from Sirius, and with a lifetime of living with Petunia and a long running friendship with Severus, I knew when to walk away before my feelings could really get hurt. I had no reason to be treated like this from him and I wasn't like the other three who enabled his damn moodiness.  
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, walking past them, "I don't have time to deal with your shit,"

Remus, Peter and James looked stunned, either shocked by the fact that I swore, or because of my dismissal of Sirius. Probably the latter. Or both, I had no idea with the three.

I pushed away the portrait, ignoring the angry squawk by the Fat Lady for my roughness but I didn't care. I was too furious at Sirius Black.

Sensitive bitch?

Bloody self righteousness?

I snorted.

He had no idea.

* * *

"Can I sit here?"

The only seat that was unoccupied was the table far by the Potions bookshelves where Elizabeth Selwyn was sitting. She looked up at me in faint surprise, caught off guard for the first time since we had started working together last month. She was, if anything, unflappable, even when Snape smashed into our table when Sirius had tripped him, and caustic liquid splashed all over our desk, almost hitting our skin. Before she could reply, I sat down anyway, too annoyed at Sirius to remember that she was a Slytherin. And I was sick of tip toeing around Slytherins.

Curse me. I _dared_ them.

"Sorry, the other tables are full," I said, taking my books out briskly and grimaced, "Or first years,"

First years, as sweet and adorable as they were with their shiny eyes and bushy tails, they were far too noisy and disorientating for me to handle in my current mood. I was okay with talking to them in small doses, but long exposure simply exhausted me. Surely she understood the sentiment.  
She just raised a fine brow before turning back to her books.

"You have rice on your clothes," she said without looking up.  
My cheeks caught on fire and I looked down immediately. Sure enough, there was a tiny grain of rice from dinner hours earlier, clinging to the collar of my school shirt. I flicked it off sheepishly.

"Thanks,"

Her head moved a fraction in acknowledgement but her eyes remained fixed onto her book.

I looked down at my worksheet, shaking my angry thoughts away as I attempted to focus on the questions before me. I must have been tapping the quill against the table too loudly because after a few minutes of silence, Elizabeth looked up at me, her fair brows drawn together.

"What?" I blurted.

Her eyes were incredibly beautiful, a clear, luminous grey that was quite unlike Sirius'. Whilst his were best described as stormy, hers glowed, almost silvery in the bright lights.

"Oh," I said when she looked down at my offensive hand pointedly, "Sorry, my bad,"  
She looked down again and I scowled, her eyes reminding me of the bastard that set me in this mood to begin with.

"You know, boys are such idiots," I said, propping my elbows onto the table and rested my chin against my hand, "And they complain girls are moody. Bunch of hypocritical dolts is what they are. Especially your cousin,"  
Silence.

"Which one?" her lips curved up a fraction, a ghost of a smile.  
I looked at her in surprise. I hadn't really expected her to respond, let alone make a joke and _smile_ about it to me.

Me.

The great granddaughter of a Muggle farmer (or carpenter, I really should check with mum).

"Sirius Black," I said flatly, "Rotten disposition, that one. Are boys in Slytherin like that too? Moody, arrogant berks? Or is that just a specialty to Gryffindor?"  
"They're boys," she said simply, as if that was explanation enough and I supposed it was.

I laughed a little, picking up my quill again and murmured to myself, "I guess Slytherins are humans too,"  
I froze.

Oh shit.

Oh my god.

Did I really just say that in front of Elizabeth Selwyn?

She didn't look offended or angry, instead, a thoughtful, pensive expression clouded her face as she appraised me with curious eyes.

"So are you," she said.  
"What?" I asked blankly and laughed a little, "Of course I'm human,"  
"I was taught that Muggles were less than human," her tone was matter of fact as she shrugged elegantly, "Before I entered Hogwarts, I had never encountered a Muggle before,"  
"Yeah?"

I couldn't quite believe this conversation was happening. I think this had got to be the longest conversation I ever held with a Slytherin in my entire seven years at Hogwarts.  
"Yes," she nodded, "You are human too,"

I looked at her in surprise, uncertain by her words. What was she trying to say?

"I have no deep meaning to my words," she said, as if she had read my thoughts, "I'm just stating that you, Lily Evans, are human too,"  
"Just like you,"  
The hint of a smile returned again, "Maybe,"  
"You think you're better than me?" I asked.

"I thought Slytherins were meant to be cold blooded snakes," she said, her eyes steady as she looked at me, "Isn't that what the other Houses say?"  
"I don't think you are," I responded honestly after a moment of silence. It was true because I didn't think they were all evil, spawns of satan.

I just didn't trust them and didn't go out of my way to befriend them because of the way _I_ had been personally treated by the Slytherins over the years.

Last year, there was a Gryffindor and Ravenclaw second year students, tossing the bag of a furious, red faced Slytherin student in the corridors to each other, taunting him. A circle of students had formed around them but they were all jeering, applauding the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw for their actions. I had stepped in, snatching the bag from mid air and handed it back to the Slytherin, snapping at the other students, much to their shock and annoyance. They were even _angrier_ when I had docked points. It had taken two weeks for the mutinous glares to stop.

However, instead of thanking me, the child had sneered, "I don't need your help, Mudblood,"  
I just walked away from him without a word.

That wasn't the only case. Any friendly smile was returned by a sneer and every time I outstretched my hand to help, simply because they were in need, I was greeted with a flinch or an insult.

And Severus.

My best friend had spat out that word at me, _Mudblood_ , his voice laced with a bitterness and venomous hate that hurt. So I had taken a step back away from them out of self preservation, not spite.

Still, I couldn't help but notice. I watched them during dinner time, noting how no one from the other houses cast a single glance at them or talked to them despite the laughter that were shared between the other three houses. And during my years at Hogwarts, it was blatantly obvious that the other three houses banded together against Slytherin, instinctively shying away from the house in Quidditch, in fights, in basically everything. After watching the silent, proud house for many years, I could only think of one word.

Isolation.

Whether it was forced or chosen, I could see that, even though they probably could not see it for themselves, they were lonely.

"I know you don't," Elizabeth said quietly, looking down at her slender, long fingers.

I could see the slim ring on her forefinger, a signet ring stamped with a slanted _S_ on its surface, wink up at me.

"I can see the way you look at us," Elizabeth continued, her gaze meeting mine again, "And it wasn't with hate,"  
"I have no reason to hate you,"

"You do," she said, her voice devoid of any emotion, "Because we hate you,"  
"Do you hate me?" I asked curiously.  
Elizabeth looked taken aback by my question, blinking her eyes rapidly and I couldn't help but smile a little. It was my second time within an hour seeing Elizabeth look anything more than serene. That had to be a record.

"No," her voice a smudge above a whisper, "I don't,"  
"Then I don't hate you," I shrugged, frowning as I tried to decipher the chart on the parchment before me, "I don't hate your entire House for what Voldemort does,"  
"You say his name," she noted.

"It's just a name," I said flatly, but Merlin, this question was difficult, "Fearing his name only gives him power,"

She stared at me.  
"I don't know if you're brave or stupid," she said, shaking her head slowly.  
"Probably both," I grinned up at her, "I mean, I'm a Gryffindor, aren't I?"  
She smiled back automatically but it disappeared as soon as it appeared, and she looked surprised by her own reaction.

"We can't be friends," she broke our stare, "Because I'm Slytherin,"  
"Because you're going to kill me?" I asked dubiously.

Elizabeth didn't really seem like the murderous type.  
"No, but my brothers and sisters will," she twisted her ring slowly, her eyes still cast low, "My brothers and sisters of Slytherin,"  
"Not all of them," I reminded her again before ruefully adding, "Just… You know, a lot of them. Plus, only _one_ of them can kill me anyway. I can die only once, remember?"

My joke fell flat as it was met only by silence and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

This conversation was very, very strange and unexpected.

And I barely got any of my Arithmacy homework done.  
"The members of my house are afraid," her silvery eyes were on me again.

"Of?" I prodded, scribbling a guess down onto the paper.

I could check my answers with Lovegood later. Despite his perchance of sporting vegetables around his neck, he was rather brilliant at Arithmacy.

In front of me, Elizabeth was slowly gathering her books, neatly fitting her creaseless parchment into her folder.

I looked down self consciously at my mess.

Ah, well.

"Of you and James Potter,"  
I spluttered, " _Me_? _James_?"  
"The Headmaster knew exactly what he was doing, appointing the two of you as Head Students," she picked up her bag, "Because you two are dangerous,"

Without another word, she left the table, disappearing into the maze of bookshelves silently.  
Erm.

Alright.

Well.

One thing I could say with absolute certainty after tonight, was that Sirius' family was _weird_.


	7. Chapter 7: The One with Rudolph

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"Are rounds always this boring?" James asked and I rolled my eyes, tossing the last Chocolate Frog at him.

This was his fifth time asking the question.

"You know, I always thought rounds were meant to be exciting," James said thoughtfully as he unwrapped the sweet and held it out to me, "I thought we'd pounce on the snogging couples in broom closets or be scaring the shit out of first years. That's what the Prefects did to me,"  
I broke off some chocolate and snorted, "Seriously, Potter. Broom closets? Is that where you take them? Classy, aren't you?"  
"You'll be surprised how hard it is to find a decent spot," he said defensively, "Classrooms are always busy and it's not like you can snog next to another couple,"

Hormones.  
I rolled my eyes and teased, "Is that where you would have taken me if I said yes to you?"  
"No, I would have taken you to my dorm," he replied without missing a beat.

Oh Merlin.  
I kicked his leg at that and he laughed, dodging deftly as I blushed furiously.

"You're the one who _asked_ Lily," he grabbed my hand, pulling me back when I started to storm away, "Come on, let's play a game,"  
"A game?" I asked inquisitively, the competitive side of me rearing its head at the possibility of a win.

It was a quiet Thursday night, we had barely run into anyone during our rounds, save a few couples that stammered red faced before fleeing, and a couple of younger students trying to break curfew. We had just sent them back to their Common Rooms without deducting any points, far too amused by their flustered confusion to punish them.

"Erm," he raked his hand through his hair, "I don't have one in mind actually,"

Typical.  
"Useless prat, aren't you?"  
"At least I'm not a brat," he shot back.  
"Well aren't you rude?" I huffed and ducked away from him as he reached out to ruffle my hair.

James just smiled, humming under his breath as we continued down the corridor in companionable silence. It amazed me how friendly James and I were, really, I was proud of myself for getting along with who was once my worst enemy. Maybe I really _did_ mature.

And James did too, much to my surprise. I don't know why I was so shocked when it was obvious that a person would change as they aged, especially someone in our situation.

I had grown to pity our generation for being born in a time of war and for being forced to grow up far too fast. But it made me appreciate the moments, our moments of youth and carelessness, even more. Because who knew how much longer that was going to last.

But James was different. He was the incorrigible, obnoxious, untouchable _James Potter_.

I was under the impression that he would remain the bigheaded, reckless toerag he was for the first five years I had known him. But he wasn't any more… Well, he didn't completely lose his mischievous streak and cockiness, but it was softened by a quieter, more aware and cautious side of him that I had never seen before.

We both started when we heard a crash from the end of the corridor, the sound piercing the silence that had blanketed the castle.

"Wands out, James," I ordered.

"Blimey, Lily, buy a fellow dinner first," James joked but I scowled, smacking him over the head with my wand, " _Ouch_ ,"

"Then stop being an idiot," I hissed and socked his arm impatiently, "Your _wand_ ,"  
"Okay, okay," James rolled his eyes, holding out his wand in one hand whilst rubbing his warm with another, "You're so violent, Lily, did I ever tell you that?"  
"Yes," I trained my eyes forward.

"I really think you should fix it," he muttered.  
I ignored him, frowning at the empty hallway.

"Peeves?" James suggested dubiously, picking up the helmet that lay still on the stone floor.

"No," I shook my head, staring down the empty corridor in confusion, "I swear I heard footsteps,"  
James looked at me for a long moment, his hazel eyes wildly conflicted, "Do you trust me, Lily?"  
I stared at him blankly.

What was he saying?

Why was he asking me this _now_ of all times?

"Just answer the question," he urged.

"Yes," I said slowly, "But why?"  
"Then turn around for a moment," James said and added, "Please,"  
It was the please that got to me.

I had never heard James ever say please before.

And I wasn't lying when I said I trusted him. If you asked me a month ago if I trusted James Potter, I would have laughed in your face before socking it for daring to ask such an obvious question. But this James. The James that spent hours with me organising rounds for the Prefects, spending exhausted nights after Quidditch practice writing meticulous reports for Dumbledore and the Head of Houses, and helping me with my Transfiguration and Arithmacy homework with infinite patience... This James, I trusted.

I turned around and I could hear James fumble for something in his pocket before whispering, "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good,"  
What the hell?

I fought the urge to turn around. Trust him, let's trust him, I chanted to myself, squeezing my eyes shut.

I started when his hand touched my elbow.

"Let's go," his hand slid down to catch mine as he tugged me forward.

"Erm, James?" I asked, letting myself get dragged along because I was too baffled to complain, "What was that?"  
"Sorry, top secret bloke business," he glanced back at me, a grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes.

Seriously?

Top secret bloke business?

I didn't even want to know anymore. Well, that was a lie. I was still burning with curiosity to understand what was going on. What was he hiding from me?

 _I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good?_

What was that?  
"I swear to Merlin I am going to poke your eye out with my wand," I threatened and he laughed, swatting my hand away.

"Christ, Lily, I believe you, okay?" he was still laughing when he suddenly pulled me into a wall without warning. I was too surprised to scream when we passed through the solid stone instead of bumping into the wall, into a darkened corridor, lit only by the light from our wands.

"Warn me next time you do that," I hissed furiously, clutching at my heart with a free hand, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"  
"Isn't that what's fun?"  
"That's it, James Potter, I'm buying you a dictionary for Christmas," I informed him, "You need to seriously revaluate your definition of fun,"  
"Are you really going to buy me a Christmas gift? Do I need to get you one?" he asked in interest.

I closed my eyes briefly.

Was that really all he heard from that?

"Will you quit dragging me like I'm some…Some sack?" I asked in annoyance, pulling my hand out from his grasp, "I am more than capable of walking, you know,"  
His fingers, long and thin, were rough with calluses from his years of Quidditch and his skin was warm against mine.

"Hurry up, they'll be here in a second," James urged, beckoning me forward and I jogged to catch up to his long legged stride.

"Who?" I asked in frustration, struggling to match his pace. I really needed to exercise more because already I was almost out of breath. This was embarrassing, especially compared to how calmly _he_ was breathing.

Stupid Quidditch captain.

"What the hell are we doing, James?" I whined.

James just threw me an insouciant grin over his shoulder before he said, "Ready to jump out, Evans?"  
"Jump?" I repeated blankly but he threw an arm around my shoulder before I could rear back in alarm, leaping into the wall. We tumbled through into a lit hallway, which I recognised as the Charms corridor once I gained my bearings. Someone crashed into us and screamed in terror, staggering back into the walls.

"What the _fuck_ ," Mulciber was on the floor, blinking up at us furiously through the bright lights of our wands, "Potter?"  
"Naughty Mullciber, what are you doing out so late?" James asked, tauntingly waving his wand at his nose, "It's past curfew,"  
"What the bloody fuck are you doing leaping out of walls?" Mulciber scrambled up onto his feet.  
"I'm Head Boy, I can do what I want," James shrugged carelessly, an arrogant smile curving his lips but his eyes were blazing in fierce concentration.

I snapped out of my daze from _running_ through a wall and into Mulciber. The timing was too perfect for it to be a mere coincidence.

I shook my head quickly. I could question him later on how on earth he knew where Mulciber would be. We had more pressing concerns in our hands right now.

"What are you doing here, Mulciber?" I asked flatly, "Was that you on the third floor?"

"Don't talk to me, Mudblood," he spat and James' wand was immediately pressed onto his chest.

"Say that again," his voice was deathly quiet as he dug the wand in deeper, "I fucking dare you,"  
Mulciber glared at James, his fingers visibly trembling. I watched as he fisted them together tightly.

"Mulciber?" Rodolphus Lestrange appeared from the shadows, looking vaguely amused as he observed the situation, "Was that you who screamed?"  
The large boy flushed at that, his eyes sliding away from ours as he muttered something underneath his breath.

"Potter," Lestrange tilted his head at James but his lips curled up at me, showing his sharp teeth, "Mudblood,"  
Before James could react, I had my wand pointed at him, staring up into his dark eyes coldly.

I was sick of hearing that damn word.

Mudblood, Mudblood, Mudblood.

Was that really the best they could do?

What I had noticed over my seven years in the magical world was that wizards really weren't the most creative lot.

"Don't call me that," I said, before my eyes flickered to the vial gripped in his fingers, "What is that?"  
"I don't answer to filth," he replied smoothly, tucking the glass away into the pockets of his robes.  
"Then how do you talk to your friends?" I asked innocently, "Aren't you guys inbreds or something? Now _that's_ dirty,"  
His face twisted in fury as he slammed me into the walls, his arm pinning my throat as he leaned in close, "Don't you dare talk about my family you filthy Mudblood. You think because you wear that badge you are protected?"

"No," I gasped, falling limp against his arm and his lips curved triumphantly as I stopped struggling. What he didn't notice was that I raised my right hand, still gripping onto my wand and I flicked it, sending him flying into the wall. He crumpled onto the floor, his arms and legs locked into place.

"Because I have a _wand_ ," I snarled, flicking it once more and their wands flew over to me, "Because I'm a _witch_ ,"  
I tossed the wands to James who caught them easily with one hand, the other still trained onto Mulciber who was watching our interaction whilst taking shallow breaths. I could see the beads of sweat formed on his forehead and the fear that blew his irises wide.

I looked back at the burly boy on the ground thoughtfully, "Your parents made a mistake naming your Rodolphus. Did you know _Rodophus_ means rosy cheeked in Greek?"

James started to laugh at that.

Lestrange struggled to sit up, his arms shaking visibly against the strain of the binding curse.

"Muggles have this fictional character called Rudolph," I mused.

"It's a reindeer, isn't it?" James asked curiously, "I think Moony told us about it before. Has a red nose and all,"

"Ten points to Gryffindor," I smirked and James feigned outrage.

"Only ten? I deserve at least fifty,"

I laughed.  
Lestrange, on the other hand, spat viciously at my feet and let out a torrid of curses that rivalled Sirius' when he was in a bad mood, which was, ninety five percent of the time. He wouldn't be happy to hear the comparison. Not that it mattered anyway. That git did a marvellous job the entire week of ignoring me.

Dolt.

"Hand me the vial," I ordered and Lestrange looked up at me, his eyes dark with hatred so strong it was almost tangible and I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise under his stare.

"No,"  
" _Accio vial,"_ I said and the small glass container flew out of his robes and into my hands.

"When the Dark Lord rises," Lestrange whispered, his words thick with venom, his thick face so twisted with malice, he almost didn't even look human anymore, "I will make sure you will be the first to go, Mudblood,"  
I ignored him.

Years of living with Petunia with her thinly veiled insults and scathing remarks really must have paid off. Thanks Tuney. I knew even you must have your uses.

I unscrewed the stopper to cautiously take a sniff and grimaced at the acrid smell, quickly screwing it shut again. It was a familiar scent but I couldn't quite place a finger on where I had previously stumbled across it before. I tapped at the glass with my wand. The clear liquid changed a deep purple and I swirled it once, noting the cloudiness. It was a poison.

And then I remembered fourth year D.A where we had poked at a cage filled with Doxies.

One bite from them was enough to cause irritation, but a dose this big could be potentially lethal.

"Where on earth did you get this much Doxy blood from? Merlin, did you slaughter a whole nest?" I asked in wonder, looking down at Lestrange, half impressed, "Filch will go mad knowing you managed to sneak this into the Castle under his nose,"  
"You will pay for your mistakes," he growled, "I will _kill_ you, your family, your children-,"  
I snorted at that.

Honestly, _children_?

I was seventeen, for crying out loud.  
"Oh shut _up_ ," I pointed my wand at him in annoyance, pressing it between his brows and he flinched at the contact, "I am so _sick_ of hearing you talk,"  
I moved my wand down his face, his eyes following its every movement, until it was at his throat. I leaned in closer, holding his black eyes with mine.

"And when Voldemort rises, tell him to come find me. So I can say," I pressed closer, my voice dropping lower, watching as the two Slytherins jerked violently at the name, " _Fuck you_ ,"  
"You bitch," Rudolphus spat at my face, his saliva hitting my cheek and he raged, "How _dare_ you say his-,"

" _Silencio_ ," I said, calmly wiping at my face with a handkerchief I conjured and I eyeballed him in distaste as he mouthed at me furiously, "And you call me filth,"  
I turned away, leaving James to bind their bodies, thin ropes twisting around their bodies. I noticed that there were tiny reindeers, all with a bright red nose, adorning Lestrange's ropes.

I bit back a smile. He raised his eyebrows at me, his eyes crinkling.

"I'm going to get Slughorn," I told him and he nodded, turning back to look at Lestrange and Mulciber.

"Doxy blood?" Slughorn, in his dark green dressing gown and sleeping cap, looked stunned as he stared at his students, aghast, "Mr. Lestrange, what would your mother say?"  
Rodolphus just glared savagely at the two of us and we both quietly excused ourselves.

"Pity they don't have McGonagall," James said, disgruntled, "She would give them one hell of an earful. And detention till they graduated scrubbing toilets,"  
"Yeah, pity," I leaned against the wall, my legs suddenly weakening and I ran a hand through my hair, "Merlin,"

The adrenaline that had pumped inside me from the moment Lestrange lunged at me had dissipated, taking my insane courage with it.

Please, please don't ever come back.

At this rate, Professor Warbles was right. I was going to be lucky to live to twenty one.  
"Are you okay, Lily?" he was by my side in an instant, his eyes lit with concern and his hand rested on my arms.

"I'm fine, just… Shock. I don't know," I shook my head, clapping my hand over my eyes and I moaned, burying my face into his shoulders, "Oh Merlin, I really got to fix this temper of mine. I can't believe I said that to him,"  
"Which part? The incest or telling Voldemort to fuck himself?" he asked, sounding amused as he rubbed my back soothingly.

"I must be suicidal," I said miserably, squeezing my eyes shut, "Stupid Gryffindor in me trying to outdo that idiot… Oh _god_ ,"

"No, Lily, you were amazing,"  
"No, I was an idiot, an antagonistic idiot," I sighed, looking up at him to catch a strange, unreadable expression flit across his face. It cleared when my eyes met his questioningly, only to be replaced by a gentle smile.

"No, Lily," he shook his head slowly and repeated, "You were amazing,"  
"Your reindeer ropes were amazing," I mumbled, my skin heating up at his words, "Nice touch. You always paid attention to detail, James,"  
"Lily?"  
"Hm?"

"Look at me,"  
"No thanks,"  
"Come on," he laughed, urging my chin up and I unwillingly lifted my eyes from where it was glued at his feet, to meet his.

He was still smiling, his eyes soft.

"You're perfect,"


	8. Chapter 8: The One with 'Magic'

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"James?" I asked casually, looking across the table to see what he was reading. I wrinkled my nose when I caught sight of the figures whizzing around on broomsticks.

Quidditch.

Of course.

"Lily," he acknowledged pleasantly but didn't raise his head to look up at me.

I shifted closer, "Are you going to tell me?"  
"Nope,"  
I had asked this question approximately one thousand times in the last few days and he always responded with the same answer.

Nope.

The curiosity was killing me, keeping me up at night and distracting me while I was eating, brushing my teeth and even when I was studying. Studying! Studying was meant to be my zen zone. But he just had to storm through and ruin it all.

But really. How the hell did he know where Mulciber and Lestrange were going to be at that exact moment? Did he have a tracking spell on them?

"Magic," was all he said simply whenever I demanded the question.

Hardy har har. So bloody funny.

I hated him.

"James," I began again but was interrupted by a groan.

"Sh, Lils, I'm trying to concentrate," he finally looked up at me, his eyes dancing in amusement, "Quidditch tactics are very important,"  
I scowled.

That was all Kate and the rest of the House could talk about these days, the upcoming Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Even the first years were taking part in the bets nonsense. First years!

"How hard can it be," I grumbled, settling back into my seat, "Pass the Quaffle, throw it into the hoops, hit the Bludgers and catch the Stitch,"  
"Snitch," he waved a hand dismissively, "It's cute when you try to talk Quidditch,"  
"You prat,"

"Brat," his eyes flickered to meet mine again and he nodded at the textbook in front of me, "Do your homework, Lily. You got question three wrong,"  
"I did _not_ ," I said indignantly, "I have my textbook right in front of me,"  
"You wrote clockwise when it's a counter clockwise twist for trans species transfiguration," he informed me and I frowned, looking down at the sheet.

Oops.

I quickly fixed the answer and glared at him, "It's your fault, you know,"  
"Oh really now?" he asked absently, flicking to the next page of his stupid Quidditch book and he prodded the figures on the map he had of the Quidditch field, forcing them to move. He rubbed his lower lip with his thumb, his brows tight with concentration.

"Yes, I can't sleep or concentrate because I want to know _how_ you knew!" I wailed dramatically, pressing my forehead against the table.

"Good, I'm chuffed that you are constantly thinking about me,"  
Honestly. To think I was losing sleep over _him_.

"Go to hell, Potter,"  
"No thank you," he said mildly, "I quite like it here,"

How did he have an answer to _everything_?  
"I think I hate you," I muttered underneath my breath as I picked up my quill again, turning my attention back to the dratted Transfiguration homework. We had an exam in less than a week and it seemed like I was the only one who was stressing out over it.

"Is that why you can't get me out of your head?" he asked innocently.

Yes.

I definitely hated him. I sniffed, not bothering to reply to his stupid, obnoxious question.

"Prefect meeting this Thursday," I told him, breaking the silence that filled our table and he looked up from his book quickly.

"Thursday?" he repeated slowly, a frown forming.

"Why?" I asked in confusion. Thursday was the day we had all agreed on and I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, "Don't tell me you scheduled in _another_ Quidditch practice,"

James shook his head, grinning, "I wish. Can we have it a little earlier?"

"Why? Got a hot date?" I raised an eyebrow.  
"Again, I _wish_ ," he scoffed, snapping his book shut and stretched his long arms over his head, yawning, "Five o'clock?"  
"That's during dinner!"

"We'll make it quick,"  
"The Prefects will revolt," I informed him as I wrote the time and date onto a piece of parchment and tapped it with my wand. It sank into the paper, disappearing and I knew that it would appear onto the charmed parchment that all the other Prefects had.

"We'll have a rebellion in our hands,"

"Sounds fun,"  
"You've clearly never seen hungry Prefects," I shook my head sadly, "They're rabid,"  
"It'll be _fine,_ Lily, stop stressing," he rumpled his hair sleepily and glanced down at my paper, "How's Transfiguration going?"  
"Horribly," I sighed, showing him my half finished assignment, "Did you start?"  
"Nope,"  
"Of course, Mr. Transfiguration genius," I said sullenly.

Sirius and James were the closest thing McGonagall had to favourites in her class because the two, despite their rambunctiousness, were absolutely brilliant at Transfiguration. By third year, James was already transforming inanimate objects to animate ones and able to cast conjuring spells whilst I struggled with a stupid match box.

He grinned lazily, "You said it, not me,"  
I just ignored him, looking down miserably at my book again as I tried to transform the teapot into an owl for the fifth time.

"I think you struggle with Arithmacy and Transfiguration because both of them are very precise," James leaned over, readjusting my grip on my wand, "One tiny twitch or an accidental movement will ruin the spell. You need to clear your head, Lils,"  
"And Charms and Potions have more leeway with creativity," I muttered, jabbing the wand as I muttered the incantation.

Nothing.  
"Exactly," he glanced up at me from under his lashes, smiling sympathetically, "Don't worry, you'll get there,"  
"This is _fift_ _h_ year stuff," I moaned, attempting the spell again.

"Quit jabbing, Lily," James said in exasperation, taking the wand from me and slowly demonstrated the spell, "It says _twist_ counter clockwise, not jab,"  
The teapot transformed into a lovely grey owl with wide, crystalline eyes. He quickly reversed it back to a teapot before Madame Pince could notice it in her library.

"You make it look so easy," I said miserably, taking the wand from him.

"It is easy. You can do it, Lily. Just clear your head," he told me calmly, "Remember, twist your wand once before flicking,"

I took a deep breath and followed his instructions. Clear you mind, Lily, clear your mind.

I yelped in surprise when an owl appeared in front of me, not as regal as James', in fact, it had ruffled feathers and a vaguely annoyed look on its face, but it was better than a teapot.

"Good," James laughed at the glee in my face, "Now transform it back,"  
I flicked my wand, breaking the spell and grinned widely when the teapot appeared in front of me again.

"I'm _brilliant_ ," I said happily, clutching the wand tightly to my chest.  
"Yes, you're welcome, Lily," James said sarcastically.

"Thank you, thank you," I beamed at him, "You're a much better tutor than Kate,"  
Before James could reply, he was interrupted by a voice from behind me.

"Are you practicing for our Transfiguration exam?"

I turned my head, freezing when I saw Gilderoy Lockheart smiling down at me.

"Yes," I managed, slightly breathlessly as I nodded towards James, "James is helping me,"  
"Hello, Potter," he greeted cheerfully.  
James' expression was curiously blank, "Lockheart,"  
"I heard you were rather good at Transfiguration, you know, for a Gryffindor," he chuckled heartily and James' expression turned, if possible, stonier, "Don't worry, we're not Ravenclaws for a reason,"

"James is top of our grade in Transfiguration, actually," I said, my eyes flickering between them in confusion. He was laughing like an idiot a moment ago, but now he was stiff with hostility, his jaw tight.  
"Really?" he looked shocked, "Are you sure you're not confused with… Say, Defence?"  
"He's top for that too," I realised and glared at him, "And you say _I'm_ a dork,"  
"You are," James assured me but his expression didn't change, "Can we help you with something, Lockheart?"  
"Oh, right," he smiled brightly, "I was wondering if you wanted to go Hogsmeade with me on Halloween, Lily,"  
 _What_?

Before I could reply, James spoke.

"We have rounds," James said flatly.

"We can meet there," Lockheart said, undeterred and he smiled at me again, flashing his perfectly straight teeth, "What time do you finish rounds?"

Merlin, he was gorgeous.  
"Three, but-," I started but he cut me off.

"Great, I'll see you there," he winked at me and I flushed, "Laters, Potter,"  
"Why didn't you say no?" James asked once Gilderoy was out of earshot.

I stared at him, wondering if he was insane. Oh wait, never mind, I already knew the answer to that.

"Because it's Gilderoy _Lockheart_ ,"  
"He's a downright ponce, that's what he is," James shook his head in disgust, "I never knew girls were so shallow,"

"Oh shut up, what's the difference between you boys panting after Charlene Vane?" I snapped in annoyance.

He just _had_ to ruin the moment, didn't he?

Gilderoy Lockheart asked me to Hogsmeade

My life was complete.

"The difference is, I wouldn't say yes to her,"  
"Oh really?" I sneered, 'Didn't you date her back in sixth year?"  
"For _two_ weeks," he said defensively and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, maybe I'll go out with Lockheart for two weeks," I shot back, scowling, "Why does it matter to you anyway?"  
James stared at me for a long moment, his eyes unreadable before he shook his head, visibly deflating.

"You're right. It doesn't," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "Sorry,"  
"He's not that bad," I said, playing with my wand anxiously, "I mean, he's smart and-,"

"I don't want to hear it," James rolled his eyes, "I think he's a prat, you think he's wonderful. We agree to disagree, okay?"  
I bit down on my lip uncertainly, unsure of how to react. How was I meant to react when I didn't even know _why_ he was acting like this?

"Relax, Lily," he face broke out into a small and I smiled back, relieved.

"Are you back to normal now?" I asked warily.

"Yes," he shook his head and then pointed a finger at me, "But you have _horrible_ taste,"

* * *

"Didn't we agree that you'll watch where you're going?" Sirius snapped, steadying himself against the edge of the portrait hole.

I had crashed into him again as I entered the common room and my forehead throbbed from bumping into his.

" _You_ were the one loitering around the stupid entrance this time," I said, wincing as I massaged the bruise that was sure to be forming.

Sirius was in his Quidditch gear, a smudge of dirt on his cheek, his hair tangled from the wind and his pants were smeared with grass.

And he _smelled_ like something foul.

I took a step away from him, covering my nose, "You're a public menace, Sirius Black,"

His lips quirked into a mischievous smile before he lunged for me, grabbing me into a tight, sweaty chokehold, as he buried my face into his sweatiness. Oh for Merlin's sake.

I struggled against him, kicking at his feet to no avail.

That _arse_.

"I see you two are finally getting along," Kate said grumpily, trudging into the common room and I squirmed away from Sirius' grip. Similarly to Sirius, Kate's hair was a windblown mess and her clothes and skin was covered in dirt and grass. She stood there, her broom in her hand scowling as she rubbed the reddened mark on her cheek.

"What happened to your face?" I asked in concern.

"Our damned _Captain_ wasn't paying attention and a Bludger hit me," she glared at her cousin, flipping him off, "No thanks to you, you useless sod of a Beater,"  
"It barely grazed you," Sirius rolled his eyes, "Honestly, Catherine, you can get so dramatic at times,"  
"Hello," Peter popped up from behind us, Remus in tow, "How was practice?"  
"Great, more Marauders," she snarled and grabbed my arm, "I'm sick of you all,"

"What did we do?" Peter asked indignantly and Remus just raised his eyebrows.

"Sod off, Pettigrew," she snapped, "And don't give me that look, Lupin,"  
"This is why I didn't want to marry you," Sirius joked but held up his hands when Kate turned around, fixing him with a withering glare.

"Shut _up_ ,"  
"Okay," he said immediately.

Even Sirius Black seemed to know that messing with Kate right now was not a smart move. I smirked when his eyes flickered to mine helplessly, "I think you should take her upstairs,"

"Yeah, Kate," I said soothingly, "Let's go upstairs and you can take a shower and go to sleep,"  
She grunted at that, "Where's Mary? Why isn't she fawning over my injury?"  
"She's with Jonathan,"  
"Traitor," she muttered furiously as we started up the staircase, "I hate boys,"  
"Then will it be a bad time to tell you that Lockheart asked me to Hogsmeade?"  
Kate's expression cleared, her eyes widening in surprise, "Really? _Holy_ shit, Lily. When did that happen?"  
"Today when I was at the library studying for Transfiguration with James," I skipped up the stairs happily, " _Lockheart_ ,"  
I looked back to see that Kate hadn't moved and she was standing still on the staircase, a hand on her forehead.

"No wonder," she muttered under her breath, shaking her head, "Halloween? Lockheart?"

"Isn't it great?" I asked.  
"Bloody brilliant, I still have practice till your damn date," she stormed up the stairs, "I was wrong. It's not just boys. It's girls too,"

What on earth was this girl saying? She must have been hit a few too many times whilst playing that sport. This is why I encouraged everyone to boycott Quidditch matches. It made you crazy. I mean, look at Siruis Black and James Potter. The lived and breathed Quidditch and just take a look at their mental stability and tell me that they're just fine.  
"Erm, Kate?" I asked, following her into our bedroom, "Are you okay?"  
She whipped around, glowering at me, "Stay away from boys!"

Erm.

Alright.

And then she slammed shut the door to the bathroom, leaving me standing in the middle of our dormitory alone and confused.

What was _her_ problem?

* * *

I was starving.

I glanced at the clock by my bedside table, contemplating whether or not it would be suitable for a Head Girl to be prowling the castle at midnight. My stomach growled.

Okay, that's it.

It felt strange to be out so late at night alone, the castle silent save the whispers from the paintings that adorned the walls and I held up my wand higher, shivering in the chill.

"Good evening, Miss Head Girl," a tiny house elf that barely came up to my waist bowed low, "Is there something Lockie can assist you with?"

"I'm hungry," I said sheepishly, rubbing at my arm, "I know it's kind of late but can I-,"  
"We'll be very pleased to help you!" he squeaked happily, "What does Miss Head Girl like to eat?"  
"Erm, a sandwich would be good," I laughed a little at his enthusiasm.

Merlin, House Elves were adorable.  
"Yes Miss," he bowed again before disappearing into the crowd of House Elves that packed the kitchen. I had never been down to the kitchens alone, in fact, I hadn't even _known_ students could access it directly till James had brought me here after our first rounds, famished.

It amazed me to no end just how well the Marauders knew Hogwarts and I wondered to myself how four grown boys managed to sneak around so successfully.

"Thanks," I said when a plate, filled with a delicious looking sandwich and crisps appeared in front of my nose.

"You're welcome Miss," he squeaked, and pointed a bony finger towards the long, low table at the end of the room, "You can eat there,"  
"Thanks," I repeated gratefully, flashing him a wide smile which he returned before he went back to work.

"Elizabeth?" I asked in wonder as I approached the table. From the distance, I hadn't known it was already occupied but as I grew closer, I could see a familiar, pale blonde head sitting at the very end of the table.

She looked up, her silver eyes meeting mine, "Lily,"  
"Hey," I greeted, sitting across her, "What are you having?"  
"Cereal," she stirred the bowl slowly before taking a spoonful, "I was hungry,"  
"Me too," I said and grinned when I noticed her rumpled night gown and her loose, flowing hair.

At that moment, hunched over the table, sans makeup, Elizabeth Selwyn looked more like a normal, teenage with rather than a… Well, than her usual unflappable self.

"Yes, I wear pyjamas," she rolled her eyes, her cheeks pink when she noticed my stare. I laughed at that and she allowed a small, tiny smile before she pointed at the plate in front of me, "Aren't you going to eat?"  
I nodded enthusiastically, "Just about to get to it,"  
Elizabeth and I had formed what I would best describe as a tentative relationship over the last fortnight or so. We barely interacted when other people were around, Elizabeth was far too withdrawn, not to mention constantly surrounded by other Slytherins, including Lestrange, to talk to me. But during Potions she relaxed a tiny, _tiny_ fraction, letting herself smile and talk quietly to me as we brewed our potion together.

"I heard you ran into Mulciber and Lestrange," she said without looking up from her bowl, "They were very angry,"

"You mean Lestrange was angry and Mulciber was just copying him?" I snorted, taking another bite of the sandwich, "Yeah, I was angry too. Do you know why they had Doxie blood?"  
Elizabeth shook her head slowly, "No, I do not,"  
"Really?" I asked dubiously.

She sighed, "Because it's men's business,"  
"Erm,' I scratched the tip of my nose, "Is that meant to mean something?"  
"It means," she elaborated, her eyes meeting mine again, "That Purebloods are conservative. There is a place for women in our society and to be specific, it is under the men. Which is why I do not know of their plans,"  
I was spluttering in outrage, "This is not… Not the bloody nineteenth century! That's _insane_ , I mean, how… How can they even think that?"

"It's our culture," she shrugged lightly, "I have no opinion on it,"

"The hell you don't," I stabbed at my bread in annoyance, "That's ridiculous,"  
"Maybe so," she was smiling as she added, "I heard you called him an inbred,"

I flushed at that, "Yeah, he kept calling me Mudblood,"  
"And you made fun of his name,"  
"Maybe," I said dismissively and attempted to change the subject, "Did you hear about Diggory and Owens getting caught together in the dungeons bathroom?"  
"And that you say the Dark Lord's name,"

She had completely ignored my prattling which made me think that she and James would get along fantastically since they both only seemed to say what they want to say.  
I scowled, "It's a _name_ , for Merlin's sake,"  
To my complete shock, Elizabeth began to laugh and I just sat there dumbly, staring at her. It was my first time hearing her laugh. Ever.

"Lily," her eyes were warm when she finally spoke again, laughter still in her voice, "You just entered a very, very dangerous game and Merlin help me, but I hope you come out the winner,"  
"Me?" I squeaked, "Over your… Your family?"  
The laughter in her eyes faded as she nodded, her expression sombre and her voice was soft when she spoke.

"Yes," she dropped her spoon, standing up, "Because they are going to destroy the world,"

* * *

"Any questions?" I asked, looking around the room and the Prefects all shook their heads, eager to leave. I didn't blame them for wanting to leave, it was six fifteen, and we were all starving.

"James? Anything to add?"  
"No," he said, his tone clipped and he gathered the paper strewn across the table, "All right, meetings over. Go stuff your faces,"  
The classroom we were using to hold our meeting was filled with the din of chatter and the scrapes of chairs moving back. But I didn't join the crowd of students that were all but running to leave the classroom. Instead, I sat back, watching James with a frown.

"James?"  
"What?"  
"Why are you in such a bad mood recently?" I asked tentatively, looking up at him and his eyes flickered to meet mine for the first time in three days.

"I'm not in a bad mood," he said automatically and made a move to stand but I stopped him, tugging him down.

"Stop lying to me,"  
"I'm not lying," he said, examining his fingers carefully, "Can I go eat dinner now? I'm hungry,"  
" _James_ ,"  
"Lily," he rolled his eyes, _finally_ turning around to look at me, "What do you want from me?"  
"I don't know, I don't like this," I waved a hand between us helplessly, "I don't like being uncomfortable with you,"  
"Why?"  
"Because…," I stammered, taken aback by the force in his question, "Because we're mates,"

It was the truth.

I did not like not having James to talk and to joke around with. It unnerved me, the wall of silence I had received from him in the last few days. I stared at him anxiously, biting down on my lower lip as I waited for him to respond.  
James looked back at me thoughtfully before he sighed, "Okay,"  
"Okay?" I asked uncertainly.  
"Okay, I'll stop being in a bad mood," he stood up, hauling me up with him, "Come on, let's go eat. I could eat a cow,"  
"I bet you wouldn't even know what to do with a cow," I teased, relieved by the fact that the tension in his shoulders was now gone.

"Sure I would, you kill it and eat it,"  
"How do you go about killing a cow?" I raised my eyebrows and laughed when he shook his head in defeat.

"It was a figure of speech, Lils," he threw his arm around my shoulders and bumped his forehead against the side of my head, "Why must you always have the last word?"  
I scoffed at that.

Was he kidding me?

Me?

Last word? Did he seriously _not_ know who he was?

"You're kidding," I said, elbowing him in his stomach and he doubled forward, groaning, "A bit rich coming from you, isn't it?"

"Fuck's sake, woman, use your words," was all he said, rubbing at his stomach whilst wincing.

What a big baby.

"Sometimes, words don't really get the message across," I informed him as we trailed down the stairs together, "So I have to resort to using my body,"  
He just raised his eyebrows at that and I flushed, " _James_ ,"  
"I didn't say anything," he said defensively and burst out into laughter when I huffed in annoyance.

"The moon's beautiful tonight, isn't it?" I asked, staring out the arched window to look at the pearly white orb, a huge disk in the night sky. The stars paled in comparison next to its luminosity.

James glanced up at it in distaste, "Not really,"

"You're such a boy," I rolled my eyes, "No appreciation for beauty,"  
"If by that you mean I'm not a twit, then yes, I am a boy," he said and grinned, dodging my punch, "You've got to be faster than that, Lils,"  
"Shut up," I said, stumbling over the step and he caught me quickly.  
"Come here, butter feet," he said, pulling me so that he had his arm around my neck again. I wasn't sure whether he doing that for my benefit or with the purpose of using me as an armrest.

Probably the latter.

When I asked, he just laughed, mussing my hair.

"I see somebody's in a better mood," Kate noted when we entered the Great Hall together. I slipped out from underneath James' arms, sliding into the seat next to him,

"Yeah, what'd you do, Prongs? Snog her senseless?" Sirius asked through a mouthful of mash. James and I both ignored him, reaching out for food instead.

I eyed him in disgust, "You know, some girls at our school are under the impression you're good looking or something. But you're kind of gross,"  
"You mean _all_ the girls," he flashed me another smile, purposefully revealing the contents of his mouth as he did so.

"Is Remus okay?" I asked Peter, who was sitting across me. He jumped at my question, fidgeting.

"Course, why would you say that?" he asked, his voice rose a fraction and I paused, looking up at him quizzically from the salad bowl.

"Because he wasn't at the meeting?" I frowned, "And he's not at dinner so I was assuming that he's sick,"  
"He's fine," James rolled his eyes and from across me, Peter yelped as if someone, say _Sirius_ , elbowed him from the side. I watched them in suspicion, noting how they all were steadily ignoring me and each other.

"What's going on?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at them, "Don't tell me you guys killed him. He was my favourite, you know,"  
"I thought I was your favourite," James pouted and I rolled my eyes.

" _I'm_ her favourite," Kate cut in, scowling as she pointed her fork at me accusingly, "You've been playing hooky the last few weeks, Evans. You're almost as bad as _Mary_ ,"  
We both glanced down at the table to see Mary sitting with Jonathan, their hands entwined together and we shared grimaces.

"I'm letting you off _only_ because you're ditching me for Head duties," Kate said, "And not for a boy,"

"Love, who needs that?" I asked, reaching for the pitcher of juice and Kate nodded in approval.

"Especially if we're going to turn into back stabbing, friend ditching traitors," she said, raising her voice towards the end as she glared mutinously at Mary.

Mary looked up at the familiar voice and gave us a sheepish wave which we both returned by sticking out our tongues.

"Very mature, I approve," Sirius snorted.

Hm. Sirius' approval in anything wasn't a good sign considering how wacked that boy was in the head.

"Is Remus really your favourite out of us four?" James pressed.

I really had to commend this boy for his persistence.

"Sorry, I have two years of rounds with him on our two weeks," I patted his arm reassuringly, "Give it a couple of years or so and maybe I'll consider tweaking the rankings,"  
"Poor James, he's not Lily's big, special boy," Sirius said, "Tough luck, mate,"

"Don't be jealous because James likes me more than you," I shot back and Sirius laughed at that.

"Prongs and I," Sirius grabbed James into a headlock, all whilst continuing to eat his shepherd's pie, "Cannot be broken apart by a little tart like you,"

Psh.

Tart.

"Oi, get off me, Padfoot," James struggled against Sirius' grip before he gave up, settling to eat his dinner with his head stuck between Sirius' arm. Sirius ruffled his hair affectionately, messing it up even further.

"Then what are Remus and Peter?" I asked questioningly.

"Our children," Sirius grinned and winked as he whispered loudly, "You know which one's our favourite,"  
"Me, right?" Peter said, pointing to himself.

"No, I don't like my children blonde and tubby," Sirius retorted.

"I am _not_ tubby," Peter began hotly and Kate burst into laughter whilst I shook my head at their antics, contently taking a bite of my roast potatoes.

From besides me, Peter was now attempting to shove his fork up Sirius' nose whilst James, seeing his chance to escape, struggled against Sirius' headlock all whilst laughing at Sirius when he got his eyes poked at with the end of the fork. Kate was laughing too as she slapped away Peter's thrashing limbs whilst the other Gryffindors just shifted slightly, without so much of a glance, to give them space. A typical, Gryffindor dinner really. I glanced up automatically to look across the hall where the Slytherins were seated. A pair of black eyes, familiar as my own, stared back at me and I flinched, breaking the gaze.

Don't think about him, Lily, I told myself, staring back down onto my plate. He had chosen his side now and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had my real friends now.

* * *

"You guys are all nuts," I complained from my seat in between Peter and Remus, shivering in the cold, "The game isn't starting for another twenty minutes!"  
"We need to get the best seats," Remus said, peering down at the field with Peter, "Look, there's James,"  
They began to wave madly down at the tiny figures at the edge of the field and I looked over the stands too. I could see that one of them was slightly away from the team, pacing back and forth, his hands behind his back.

James.

I had seen him last night in the common room, pacing, like he was now, in front of the fire.

"Their defence is absolute rubbish," he was saying, "It's their offence we need to be careful about. West is one hell of a chaser, she's fast,"  
"Don't worry, Prongs, I have no qualms knocking a girl off her broom unlike some idiots," Sirius said and yelped when I stepped on his toe, "Bloody hell, Evans! Birds are always talking about equality. I am _all_ for equality. I treat all wizards and witches the same! Like rubbish,"  
And that sod seemed genuinely confused when Kate and I both walloped him over the head with a cushion.

Remus still looked slightly peaky as he talked to Peter, his skin ashen and tiredness lining his young face, but his eyes were bright with excitement for the game. It seemed everybody else, save me, were all but buzzing with anticipation for the first Gryffindor match of the semester. Kate woke me up at the crack of dawn with her mutterings and watching her look out the window whilst talking to herself, further solidified my theory that Quidditch made everyone loony.

"It's cold," I whined, tightening my cloak around me and Remus turned around, reaching beneath him to pull out a thermos from his knapsack.

I greedily poured the hot butterbeer into the cup, taking a long sip, "Did I tell you how much I love you, Remus Lupin?"  
"Not recently," he grinned back at me.

"Well, I love you, you can have my soul," I said, breathing in the warmth from the cup.

"No thanks, I think you're going to need that," he chuckled, settling back into the seat beside me.

"Butterbeer was _my_ idea," Peter complained and I reached out to pet his hair.

"There, there, Peter," I said happily, "I love you too. I'm a very loving person. I have enough love to go around for all,"  
"Even Padfoot and Prongs?" he asked slyly and I scowled.

At breakfast this morning, James and Sirius had taken turns at rubbing my hair claiming it was for good luck. Yes. I know. _Good luck_.

"It's red!" Sirius protested when I swatted his hands away, "Gryffindor colours, Evans. Be of use for once,"  
"I think he's onto something, I'm starting to feel lucky," James said absently as he continued to pet my hair, messing it further and yelped when I smacked him over the head with a rolled up newspaper.

What a bunch of prats.

"Not them," I said and snuggled into Mary, who was looking down anxiously at her boyfriend who was the Keeper for the Gryffindor team, "Mary, give _me_ some attention,"  
"You're so silly," she shook her head, threading her arm through mine, "Jonathan was feeling rather poorly last night. Do you think he's okay?"  
"If he's anything like the rest of them, he'll be fine," I rolled my eyes, "The excitement probably burned away the fever,"  
"I hope so," she said, wringing her gloved hands together.

"You really like him, don't you?" I asked, leaning my head onto her shoulder as I looked up at her.

It wasn't as if Jonathan was her first relationship, but it was _different_ this time round, we all could feel it. Which was why, despite her complaints and pouting, Kate could not genuinely get angry at Mary for spending so much time with him.

Her cheeks warmed but she nodded definitely.

"I do,"  
"Good," I said, pleased for her because it was obvious to anyone that Jonathan adored her and Mary deserved no less than that, "I like him too. Such lovely shoulders on that boy,"  
Mary just hummed in agreement, leaning forward to watch the players again.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked, nudging Remus with my toe and he started, looking back at me.

"Of course," he said breezily, "You know how I get,"  
Ever since first year, Remus was _constantly_ sick, spending more time in the hospital room than anybody else in the entire school. But I supposed it was hereditary because he spent a good chunk of time visiting his sickly mother too.

"Did you hurt yourself?" I asked, lighting touching the angry looking wound above his eyebrow.

"Will you believe me if I told you that Sirius bit me?" he joked and I rolled my eyes.

"Sadly, yes,"

"He's not that bad, Lily,"  
"I know, I know, he's just so moody," I shook my head grumpily, crossing my arms over my stomach, "He gets angry at _me_ for no reason and then the next second, he's fine! He's worse than any girl I've met,"

"He's not angry at you," Remus said kindly, "He's frustrated,"  
"Same thing," I snorted, glaring down at the field broodingly, "I don't know how to deal with him,"  
"You're doing fine, just remember it's probably not going to be your fault," he said, turning back to the field "So don't take it too personally,"  
"Hard not to," I muttered underneath my breath and clapped my hands over my ears when the speakers behind me squawked loudly.

It was rather embarrassing to admit, giving how much shit I gave everyone else for their obsession with the game, but I _might_ have taken apart in the screaming and cheering that annoyed me so much before. I couldn't _help_ it, really. I was in the midst of the biggest, die hard of Quidditch fans at my position in the front row of the boxes, so I couldn't help but feel the excitement and take part in the chants… And the jeering.

I know, you can all judge me now but I don't regret it at all because it was _fun_.

And I am not ashamed at all to say that I stood and clapped and danced, just like the rest of them, when Kate caught the snitch about forty minutes into the game.

Gryffindor won by a landslide, 320 to 70 and we stomp our feet in approval, hugging each other joyously before we poured onto the field.

"You look happy," James was grinning at me as he pulled away from the crowd, his hair damp with sweat, his glasses crooked on his face but his eyes were bright with happiness.

Maybe it was because my emotions were running high from the game but I found myself hugging James tightly.

He stiffened at first, probably from shock, which I don't blame him for, you know, since it's _me,_ but it disappeared in a flash and I felt his arms around me, squeezing me back.

"What was that for?" he asked, his eyebrows high when I pulled back, " _Not_ that I'm complaining but I'm trying to work out what I have to do to get that again,"  
I blushed, smacking his shoulder, "I was wrong. You're completely brilliant at Quidditch, James,"  
He started to laugh at that, "Did you just say you were wrong?"  
"And you were wrong too," I added quickly and he looked at me questioningly, "You were worried for no reason about the match,"  
"I had complete faith in my team," he said smoothly, but the corner of his lips twitched up.  
"You _liar_ ," I elbowed his stomach but he caught it before I could do any damage.  
"You got me," he grinned, his hand coming up to cup the back of my neck as he pulled me closer, his forehead touching mine, "You genuinely enjoyed yourself, didn't you Evans? What happened to Quidditch is for idiots?"  
"It is," I found myself grinning back, "But maybe I'm an idiot myself,"  
"Stop hogging her!" Kate barrelled towards me, jerking me away from James and he let me go, a bemused expression on his face.  
"You did brilliant, Kate, very nice broomwork," I said and she collapsed into giggles.

"Like you even _know_ the difference between the head and the end of a broom," she said through her laughter and I scowled at her.

This girl. Of course I knew where the end of the broom was.

I think.

I mean, I'm _pretty_ sure I knew.

"How was your first match in three years?"  
"Better than I remembered," I replied as we walked back towards the change rooms.

"Because you were sitting with Gryffindors this time," she rolled her eyes, "Back when you dated Davies, I can't believe you sat with the Ravenclaws you treacherous fool,"  
"I don't want to talk about that," I shuddered, remembering the death glares sent my way when Gryffindor had won the match, "Go shower. You smell,"

"I'll see you at the party?" she asked, holding her broom over her shoulder.

"What party?" I asked warily and she rolled her eyes dramatically.

"It's our first _win_ , of course there's going to be a party you silly bird," she flicked my forehead disapprovingly, "Don't be a spoil sport, okay?"  
"Is there going to be alcohol?" I asked apprehensively.  
She started to laugh at that, "Merlin, Lily,"

"What?"

She shook her head, "I forgot how you always holed yourself up in the dorm every time there was a Quidditch party,"  
"Is that a yes or no?"

"You're so naïve sometimes, pet," she smacked my shoulder with her broom.

So… That was a yes?

* * *

Definitely a yes.

And one thing I knew for certain was that I preferred Sirius Black as a drunk.

" _Lily_ ," he cried, throwing his arms around me when I had finally entered the common room. I had been in the library, mainly because I had a feeling the Prefect inside me would fume to see the party start, but also because I needed to finish up my Arithmacy assignment. After an hour or so, I decided to head down, believing that the excitement would have died down by now and it would be safe to enter the common room.

Boy, was I wrong.

"Our little good luck amulet," he planted a sloppy kiss onto my cheek and I rolled my eyes, shoving him off me.

"Is he always this affectionate when he's pissed?" I asked James, scrubbing at my cheek.

"Yeah," James' smile was tight, "Just a bit,"  
"You okay?" I asked questioningly and his expression cleared when he looked down at me with an easy smile.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he held out his arms, "We won the match, my own stench isn't killing me anymore and there's lot of food to go around,"  
"Are you being sarcastic, James Potter?" I narrowed my eyes at him but he just grinned, looping his arm around my neck.

"Nothing to drink for Lily?"  
"No thank you," I leaned against him, settling my head against his shoulder as we surveyed the noisy common room, "Did you drink?"  
"Just butterbeer," he held up the bottle in his other hand.  
"Wow," I said, impressed and he chuckled.  
"Wow," he repeated, "Sirius probably would have a bone to pick with you if he wasn't so smashed,"  
"Because you've matured?"  
"Bingo,"

"How much of that was me anyway?" I asked dubiously, tugging him towards the empty couch, "And how much of that was Head Boy?"  
"Hm," he tilted his head back, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully, "Forty percent you, twenty percent Head Boy, and the rest was good old fashioned growing up,"  
"Forty percent?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise, "Me?"  
"Yeah, if I had anyone else as Head Girl, I probably wouldn't have cared that much about rules and such," he shrugged and glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips, "But I spent so long trying to impress you, Evans, I think it's just ingrained in me now,"  
"If by impressing me, you mean setting fireworks in the Great Hall, you have a lot to learn," I said flatly and he laughed, leaning into the cushions.

"I bet you were impressed that I managed to charm the Great Hall's ceiling anyway,"

I was actually, not that I'd ever admit it to him.

"If only you used that brain of yours for good," I sighed, "The world would be a much brighter place,"  
"Nonsense, Hogwarts would have been boring without the Marauders,"  
"You mean quiet? Peaceful?"  
"Oh drop the act, Lily, you'll miss us when we graduate," he jostled my shoulder with his but his words made me fall silent.

He was right.

Already a month and a half had passed since I had started my seventh and final year at Hogwarts, stepping me closer to graduation. After graduation, where would we all be?

I looked at Kate, who was playing some Exploding Snap shot game with a Jason McKinnon, a sixth year student, and Peter. She was laughing, her dark hair falling out from the messy knot, her cheeks pink and when she caught me staring, she raised her hand to wave. She was so young and so carefree. Where would she be in a year?

And there was Mary and Jonathan, sitting together in a loveseat, his cheek resting against her collarbones as she stroked his hair, whispering something to him. Would they still be in love?

And Sirius. His arms were thrown around Remus' as they waltzed around the common room, bellowing on the top of their lungs some dirty, old poem about a witch named Sally. Both of them had a slight glazed look in their eyes, but they roared with laughter as they stumbled into a footstool. Where would they be in a year? Would their friendship remain in tact despite the horrors of war? Would they still trust each other with their lives?

And James. He was sitting next to me, watching the common room with affectionate eyes, the bottle held loosely in his hands. He had changed so much from when he had started Hogwarts, developing from the noisy, boastful boy into the trustworthy Head Boy beside me. He led the House and school in so many ways; I knew for sure that he would be a key player in the war. Because he was James Potter and he wouldn't be satisfied in letting others fight the war for him. A hard lump formed in my throat as a thought crossed my mind. Would he still be alive next year?

I was suddenly furious at Voldemort for destructing the lives of so many because of his _stupidity_. When was this going to end?

"Hey," James' hands were on my cheeks and I blinked rapidly, unaware and embarrassed by the tears that had formed in my eyes, "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, just being a sentimental idiot," I shook my head, trying to move away from his grasp but his hands were firm.

"Thinking about the future?" he asked quietly, his hazel eyes soft.

I nodded and he carefully, with gentle fingers, wiped at the few stray tears that had escaped without my permission.

"Terrifying, isn't it?"

I nodded and he sighed, dropping his hands but he kept one on my knee, squeezing it lightly.

"It's alright, Lily," he said after a long moment of silence, "Whatever happens, we'll be alright,"  
"Will we?" I asked dubiously, turning my head to look at him, "Will I even know where you are in a year?"  
"Of course," he said roughly, and then he smiled, "I'll send you letters all the time. Heaps. Until you're swimming in them. I'll tell you all about what an idiot Padfoot is and how Moony still fails to reign us in and how Wormtail still worships the ground Padfoot walks on. And I'l stalk you whilst you're training to save the world or something since I'll be a jobless prat. In case you had forgotten, I am _excellent_ at that,"

In fourth and fifth year, I was convinced that James Potter was stalking me because of his ability to virtually appear out of thin air wherever I went at the school. It was maddening and infuriating because I had no idea _how_ he knew I would be at the second floor corridor at nine in the evening. I had confronted him at breakfast in the Great Hall, screaming at him that he was a stalker.

Not my best moment, but I was _fifteen_ ,  
I laughed, "I don't know how the hell you managed to appear _everywhere_ I went,"

"Magic," he shrugged nonchalantly and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Do you have a tracker on everybody at this school?" I asked accusingly, "Like Mulciber and Lestrange?"  
"Must we talk about those bastards on a good day like this, Lily?" he asked, clucking his tongue disapprovingly.

"Fine, but _tomorrow_ ," I grumbled, settling into the seat.

"The answer will be the same, Lils," he said lazily, taking another sip from the bottle and he looked at me from the corner of his eyes, "Stop thinking,"  
"I'm not thinking," I said automatically but he rolled his eyes.

"I know you're worrying and stressing over the future, Lily, but just for today, forget it," he said, "Because we're alive and we're happy and that's all that matters,"

* * *

The week had gone past quietly without much excitement, the seventh years tense due to the piling amount of homework and assignments that our professors so merciless threw at us. It was past midnight when I sat alone, curled up in an old flannel blanket as I carefully read through the Prefect reports, gathering them to send off to Dumbledore and the Head of the Houses. I had meant to finish this earlier this week, but I had been so busy with school work that I had forgotten about them, much to my chagrin. James and I alternated each week with these reports, and he had offered to do them for me, seeing how flustered and stressed I was, but I had refused. Because it was _my_ responsibility and it was unfair to hoist the work on him when he too was all but drowning with assessments. But still, it was nice of him to offer.

I smiled a little, reading the report by a sixth year Hufflepuff prefect. Almost exactly a month ago, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black were caught for kidnapping Mrs. Norris, Filch's feline companion. They held her for ransom at the cost of winning a duel against Peter, clearly poking fun at Filch's Squid status. I sighed as I read that they had been docked ten points each and had been assigned with detention. I remembered James' quick, apology note telling me he couldn't help me with my Arithmacy homework like he had promised because of detention. When I had pressed further, he gave me a vague nonsensical reply about cats and duels. So this was what he was talking about.

These boys.

Where was Remus? I wondered to myself and smiled. He probably was smart enough to run away from the crime scene. Wait, no, he was sick. I wanted Remus to help me with Arithmacy originally, because James was so damn distracting, but he had been away because of illness.

I pursed my lips sympathetically as I tucked the report away.

Poor, poor, Remus. He was sick almost every month.

I yawned, pushing away the notes and stared drowsily out the window, wishing for sleep and missing the comfort of my warm, warm bed. At least there was no Hestia here, snoring the night away. Outside, the moon was waning, a stark brightness in the velvet darkness of the night sky and my thoughts drifted, thinking about Gilderoy and our upcoming date, of Kate and her confusion about telephones for her Muggle Studies essay, of James and his idiot friends, of Remus and his perpetual exhaustion, of Peter and….

Wait.

I snapped awake, jerking up and I picked up the card again.

Remus was away sick exactly thirty one days ago. Two days ago, Remus had been gone sick. I frowned. Why did he get sick every month, at more or less the same time? I fumbled in my brain, trying to remember last year. Yes. He had missed the final prefect meeting last year because he was sick, and before that, again, almost exactly a month agao, he missed the Herbology exam because of his illness. I fished out my diary, a thick, leather bound book I had kept since the beginning of sixth year and flipped to the pages of last year. I bit down on my lip. Yes, he had fallen ill exactly twenty nine days apart last year as well.

What the hell was up with that?

And then I froze.

Twenty nine days…

That was the length of the lunar cycle.

My eyes slowly drifted out the window, fixing onto the barely waning moon. My heart skipped a beat, my stomach dropping and with trembling fingers, I rummaged through my bag, looking for the Astrology chart I had crammed in there and never taken out since the fifth year O.W.L.S. Thank Merlin I never cleaned out my bag.

I smoothed out the chart, glancing back at the date from last year of the Herbology exam.

Full moon.

I checked the date of the final Prefect meeting.

Full moon.

I swallowed, checking the date the Marauders, excluding Remus, had gotten in trouble for being arses to Filch.

Full moon.

Two days ago, when Remus had been sick and missed the Prefect meeting, it had been full moon. " _The moon's beautiful tonight, isn't it?"_

 _He glanced up at it in distaste, "Not really,"_

Oh Merlin.

My hand covered my mouth.

 _Moony_. His nickname wasMoony.

Remus was a werewolf.


	9. Chapter 9: The One where Lily finds out

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

"Lily?" Peter blinked down at me in surprise from the door and light poured out into the darkened hallway from inside his dorm. I had flown upstairs and started knocking on their door furiously before I could even registered my actions.

All I could think was that I needed to see Remus.

Werewolf.

Remus was a werewolf.

And thank Merlin they were all awake.

"Evans, if you came here for a shag, now isn't a good time," Sirius said, joining Peter in the door way. He was wearing a maroon, Gryffindor jersey with grey pants, his hair tousled. He cocked an eyebrow down at me and leered, "Nice dress,"

I pushed past him, ignoring him and stopped for a moment, taking in my surroundings with numb shock. I had never been to the male counterpart to our dormitory and even though the structure was roughly the same… The mess. I could barely see the floor as it was covered, no, _trashed_ with clothes, books, sweet wrappers, shoes, bags, Quidditch equipment, blankets… Oh Merlin. I would have been more disgusted, and probably shot an insult or two at the state of their dormitory if it weren't for the fact something else was pressing into my mind.

Werewolf.

Remus was a werewolf.

"Lily?" James shot up in bed, dropping the thick textbook he was reading, which under normal circumstances, I would have found adorable, "What are you…,"  
He trailed off, perhaps noticing my expression, unlike the other two prats. He was out of his bed in an instant, standing in front of me. I could see the he had just showered, his hair still damp and curling against his scalp and he smelled like a boyish mixture of soap and skin.

"Lily?" he repeated, his hands on my shoulders, "What's wrong?"  
From the reflection in the window behind him, I could see that I was pale faced, my eyes wide, and my hair tumbling out of my bun. I looked slightly frantic, and that was being generous.

I could see that Sirius was watching me with narrowed, calculating eyes whilst Peter just gaped. I shrugged James off, turning towards Remus. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his light brown head cocked to the side as he watched me with confused curiosity.

The confusion grew rapidly when I launched myself at him, tackling him onto his bed.

"Lily?" his voice was strangled as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. I could feel the steady thump of his heart, beating against mine and the familiar, familiar scent of spearmint and laundry I had associated with Remus Lupin.

Remus sat up, a cautious hand on my elbow, another carefully prying me off him so he could look down at me.

"Lily?" he repeated.  
He looked baffled, clearly shocked by my actions and his eyes kept flickering from me to behind him, almost panicked.

"I don't know," he said quickly, shaking his head, "I swear-,"  
"Lily," James was next to me and some part at the back of my head noted with amusement the amount of times they kept repeating my name.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"I am so fucking confused," Sirius declared from behind us, "So you fancy Moony?"

Oh, that idiot.

Though I couldn't really blame him for thinking that. I had, after all, stormed into their room without any explanation at one in the morning looking like I had seen a ghost and then promptly thrown myself into Remus' bed. It wasn't looking too good for me at the moment.

Or my sanity.

"No, I don't think it's Moony, I mean, Lily and Moony are just weird together," Peter was muttering next to him, "One galleon she lost her marbles because of NEWTS,"  
"Five galleons on that," Sirius snorted, and then added after a beat of thoughtful silence, "Or that she got him confused with James. I mean, if you look at him, you know, with your eyes half closed and factor in insanity, I guess they _do_ look alike,"

Oh for God's sake.  
"Shut up," I finally managed, my voice surprisingly steady and all four pairs of eyes, grey, hazel, blue and brown, fixed onto me, waiting.

I took a steady breath, sinking into my knees onto the soft mattress of his bed and looked at Remus. He stared back, his brows knit together in concern.

"Lily, are you okay? Did something happen?" he asked and then his frown deepened, "Your mum or-,"  
"You're Moony,"  
"Definitely crazy," Peter whispered and I fought the urge to throw something at the two idiots chuckling in the back.

James was the only one who remained silent, his eyes fixed onto my face, gauging my expression and I could almost _hear_ his brain whirl wildly as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Yes, I'm Remus," he replied patiently, a touch of amusement entering his eyes as he relaxed, "Lily-,"  
"No, you're _Moony_ ," I repeated, and then pointed out the window, "The moon,"  
The room fell deathly silent and shock froze Remus' features, replaced quickly by fear before melting into resignation.

"How did you know?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Because James kidnapped Mrs. Norris,"  
A small smile curved his lips but it disappeared in a flash, "You noticed I wasn't there,"

"And the Prefect meeting," I nodded, swallowing, "And then… It struck me as odd, how you… How you were sick almost every month. I never really questioned it, but when I looked properly, I could see that you were sick exactly twenty nine days apart,"

"That was all it took?" he asked bitterly, shaking his head, "Merlin, who else-,"  
"No, it's because I'm a freak who keeps her diary from sixth year," I interrupted him, "I remembered how you missed the Herbology final and then the meeting where we were sending away Alice and Frank… And then I checked my astrology chart and-,"  
"Only Evans would carry an astrology chart around," Sirius snorted and I quelled him with a glare.

"Yeah, I checked and…," I twisted my hands together, "Full moon,"  
"You really are a brilliant witch, aren't you?" he asked, leaning his head against the wall, "I always wondered when you'll notice. I knew if it was anyone, it would be you,"  
"It took me seven years," I mumbled.  
"Dumbledore was kind," Remus looked away from me, his eyes glued to his hands, "He accepted me when no one else would… He let me… He let me pretend that I was normal. And James and Sirius and Peter were…,"  
He trailed off, shaking his head.

"I understand, Lily," he said, his head ducked low, "If you… If you view me differently. But I swear on Merlin that I would never hurt anyone willing-,"  
I punched his chest and he stared up at me with startled eyes. I had never hit _Remus_ before, because I never felt the need to. He wasn't an idiot unlike the other two but right now, I was furious at him.

"Pretend to be normal?" I asked in rage and walloped him over the head with his pillow. Remus just stared at me with wide, startled eyes, " _Pretend_? You _are_ normal, Remus. You're more normal than that prat over there,"

I pointed at Sirius who stared back with a dumbfounded expression.

"And view you differently?" I snarled, punching him again but again Remus didn't defend himself, instead, he sat there and just watched me with a dazed expression, "What do you _take_ me for? Don't you think… Don't you think I know you Remus? I know that you would never hurt anyone and I know…,"  
I burst into tears and I heard Sirius suck in a sharp breath before swearing colourfully.

James' arms were around me at once, holding me against him, his hands rubbing against my arm soothingly.

As if it was _me_ who needed comforting.

I struggled out of his arms, reaching out for Remus and he lurched forward as I hugged him fiercely, screwing my eyes tight.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," my voice muffled against his shirt, "I'm so sorry,"  
"It's not your fault," he said gently, "I'm… I'm sorry I assumed like that. I just…,"  
I looked up at him, reaching up to tenderly trace the lines on his face, the lines that should not be there on his young face.

"It must have been so… So _fucking_ difficult," I breathed, blinking back my tears, "But you know, Remus, you're one of the most amazing _humans_ I've ever met. You're kind and caring and smart and… You're more human than anyone else and don't you _dare_ think you're not,"  
"Lily," he whispered, his eyes were startlingly bright now, "I-,"  
"And if anyone ever tells you otherwise," I told him, clutching his face between my hands tightly, "You should hex them. Hell, _I'll_ hex them for you,"  
"Thank you," he lowered his head, "Thank you, Lily,"  
I clasped his hands and mustered as much sincerity as I could into my voice I said, "And you deserve it, Remus. Dumbledore.. James, Peter, Sirius. They… They weren't the generous ones or… Or anomalies, okay? That's how everyone should be treating you but we all know that wizards are stupidly prejudiced,"  
"Lily," he said quietly, "They have a reason to. I.. I'm a _monster_ ,"

"Because they say you are," I said sharply, "Am I filth because I'm Mudblood?"  
"Don't call yourself that," Remus shook his head, "No, but you couldn't help being born like that. It's not your fault and there's nothing _wrong_ with it,"

"But some wizards see me as less because of it," I said, shrugging, "And is it your fault, Remus? Is it really?"

He was silent for a long moment before he let loose a shaky breath.  
"No,"  
"Then don't question it, okay?" I squeezed his hands, "No matter what the other… Other pricks say, remember that you are no less than them. Hell, you probably have ten times more heart than them. And that's what matters. What's inside,"

I tapped his chest at that.

The room fell silent.  
"Lily," he raised his head to meet mine, "You know, you're really amazing, did you know that?"  
"No, I'm not," I said immediately, flushing at his compliment but he shook his head.

"Any bloke would be lucky to have you," he said but his eyes shifted away from mine, fixing onto James for some inane reason as he spoke, "Don't settle for anything less, Lily,"  
"My, aren't you flattering," I joked and scrubbed at my eyes, "Well. Erm, then… Goodnight,"  
Sirius laughed, muttering, " _Typical_ ," as I scrambled off the bed, blushing furiously. I finally had managed to escape my emotional turmoil to realise that I was in the Gryffindor _boy's dormitory_ , dressed in my stupid night dress and tattered night robe.

Could you die from mortification? Because I felt like I was going to.

My eyes widened.

"Have you guys heard of _cleaning_?" I shrieked, finally registering the mess.  
"How long have you been holding that in, Lily?" James hopped off the bed with a grin, "The House Elves learnt to leave it alone because it always ends up like this within a day. And we know where everything is,"  
"This is disgusting," I carefully navigated my way through their floor before glancing apologetically at the four boys, "But still, I'm sorry for barging in like that,"  
"You should be, I was trying to sleep," Sirius said, throwing himself into his bed grouchily before conceding, "But it was interesting so I forgive you,"  
"And all is right in the world again," I rolled my eyes and Peter smiled up at me.

I smiled back gently because of the three, other than Remus, he seemed the most shaken by tonight.

"Goodnight guys," I waved at them and Sirius just grunted whilst Remus waved back, looking thoughtful.

"Good night, Lily," Peter called from his bed.

To my surprise, James followed me out of the dorm, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" I asked uncertainly and glanced at his bare feet, "For Merlin's sake, James, aren't your feet freezing?"  
Without saying a word, he took my hand and led me down the staircase to the common room where all my belongings still were and sat me onto the couch firmly.

And then pulled me into a hug.

I closed my eyes, tears welling up again.

"I know you're holding it in," he was stroking my hair, "I could see you were for Remus' sake,"  
"For Sirius' actually," I sniffled into his shirt, laughing shakily, "I thought he might have a heart attack if I cried anymore,"  
"Probably, he's bad with emotions," James said and we sat there for a long time, me cradled into his arms as I sobbed into his chest.

Mind you, I am definitely _not_ the teary sort of girl, and I wasn't crying out of fear or shock or anything like that.

I was crying because Remus, who I knew, had a heart so soft that he would blame himself for his condition. I knew that he must have spent his entire life, doubting himself, questioning his worth, _fearing_ himself. What sort of hell must that have been?

I cried because I was so grateful for Dumbledore, and for the three Marauders whose kindness and unwavering love and loyalty for Remus touched me. And I cried for Remus who would face discrimination and hate for the rest of his life by others. How they would see _werewolf_ on his papers first before giving him a chance and missing out on the amazing, selfless young man he was. And I cried because Remus was a brilliant, hard working and _honest_ student but he would have to fight tooth and nail to have it recognised by others. I cried because I knew Remus wouldn't let himself love or be loved by another person and would isolate himself, rather than risk hurting anyone else. I cried because in the end, no one was hurting as much he, Remus Lupin, was.

And my heart broke for him.

Little did I know that Remus Lupin was just the first of the four Marauders that were going to end up breaking my heart.

* * *

"That was awful," I groaned, covering my face as I left the Transfiguration classroom. Kate patted my shoulders reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I don't think McGonagall notice the feather on your chair," she said cheerfully, "It was just _one_ feather,"  
We were coming out of our practical Transfiguration exam and everything had been going wonderfully smoothly until I had to transfigure a bird into a chair. It was an easy spell, I _knew_ how to do it fine, but at the last minute, my concentration had slipped ever so slightly when I saw James and Sirius change the colour of their birds from the corner of my eye.

Those two were going to be the death of me.

"How did you find it, Mary?" I turned to my friend on my left.

She was nibbling on her pinkie, a thoughtful expression on her face and I waved my hand in front of her, "Earth to Mary,"  
She started at that and smiled at me apologetically, "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind,"  
"Don't we all," I sighed dramatically, "The theory test was _so_ much better,"  
"You're mad, Lily, that test was _rubbish_ ," Kate shook her head but I just shrugged in response.

"Let's eat lunch outside," Mary suggested and we turned to look at her in surprise. Mary wasn't the most spontaneous of the lot and she had been eating her meals with Jonathan since term had started.

"Uh oh, trouble in paradise?" Kate raised an eyebrow at her, bumping her shoulders against Mary's.

"No," Mary pulled a face before grudgingly admitting, "He has Care for Magical Creatures,"  
"We're sloppy seconds?" I asked, feigning outrage, "Let me inform you, Mary Vance, I, Lily Evans, am _not_ sloppy seconds,"  
"Oh shut up, Lily, I just felt like we haven't spent time together in ages," Mary rolled her eyes, linking her arms with me, "And the weather is so lovely today,"  
I peered out the window, glancing down at the sundrenched grass by the Great Lake. She was right, the weather was a really gorgeous, end of October weather, and probably the last of the sunshine we would see in a while. Outside, everything was basked in a cheery, golden glow, and even the Giant Squid seemed to be in a good mood, its tentacles gliding along the surface as it playfully flicked water at the girls playing by the edge. They shrieked with laughter, squealing as they splashed water back at it.

I smiled.

"Fine," I nodded and held up my heavy bag, "I'm going to go to the dorms. I'll take your bags if you want. You guys go to the kitchen and filch some food,"  
"Thanks, Lils," Kate and Mary tossed their bags at me and I staggered under their weight.

Merlin, have these girls not heard of weightless charms? I thought crossly as I charmed their bags. Much better.

I had expected the dormitory to be empty so I was surprised when I saw Hestia lying on her bed, flipping through a magazine.

She raised her brows at me, "What are you doing here?"  
Um.

This was my _dormitory_ too, had she forgotten that I lived here _with_ her for the last seven years?

I had every right to be in here too!

"I'm just putting our bags here," I said, dropping the bag onto the floor and shucked off my robes, "We're having lunch outside, do you want to come?"  
I had offered only because Hestia looked so bored, lying here in the dark dorms by herself. I knew she finished her exams yesterday and was waiting for all her friends to finish too. Come to think of it, Hestia didn't have any friends in our House.

Her lips curled, "You can drop the good girl act, Evans,"

Excuse me?

See? This was _exactly_ why I didn't talk to her. I was sick to death of all this unwarranted hostility from her. What did I even do? Merlin, I hoped it wasn't because I accidentally wore her tights back in fifth year. How the hell was I meant to know it was _hers_ when it was lying on the floor by my bed?  
I just stared at her for a long, hard moment before I shrugged.

"Whatever, I was just being friendly," I said, peeling off my jumper and tossing it with my robes. It was far too warm to be wearing as many layers as I was.

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'm getting sick of it,"  
"You don't know what my problem is?" she sneered, her lips curling in disgust and I rolled my eyes.

"No," I snapped, grabbing my robes again and jammed my arms into the sleeves, "And I don't _care_ anymore,"  
I slammed the door shut.

"Bloody, sodding, mother fucking _bitch_ always-," I muttered to myself as I stomped down the stairs.

"Whoa, Lily," James laughed, catching me when I stumbled into him on the landing, "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"  
" _No_ ," I scowled, jerking out of his grasp, "I don't kiss anyone,"  
"Maybe that's why she's so uptight," Sirius sniggered from behind him, "You need a good snog,"  
"Shut up, Black," I pointed my wand at him, "Unless you want to be bald, just leave me alone,"

Ha. A bald Siruis Black. Let's see if he could still get girls and _snogs_ without any hair.  
"What's up your arse, today?" Sirius asked, but I was pleased to note that he was staring at my wand in trepidation.

"Lily, come on," James lowered my wand arm, gently tugging me towards him and I shot Sirius a glare, which he returned, as I left the common room,

"So," James said easily, "What's up?"  
"Nothing,"

"You're a terrible liar, Evans,"  
"Who said I was lying, Potter?" I shot back but he just raised his eyebrows, sliding his hands into the pockets of his trousers as he waited.

I sighed.

"Sorry," I mumbled, kicking at the stone floor, "Just… Hestia. She just messes me up,"  
"Hestia?" James asked in surprise, "Why? Hestia's nice,"  
I glared at him nastily, "Of course you think she's nice. You _dated_ her,"  
He coughed, scratching his cheek, "I guess I did,"  
"Well, she hates me," I said, kicking at the floor harder and was pleased to see a scruff mark appear. Filch was going to lay a hen when he saw that.

"I'm sure she doesn't," he said, his voice placating.  
"No, you don't know that James Potter," I snapped, "Don't go siding with her because you used to shag her because she is _horrible_ to me and I didn't even do a thing,"  
James frowned, "I did not _shag_ her, I was fifteen for Merlin's sake! And secondly, I thought you guys got along fine,"

"That was back in fifth year," I sighed gustily, "But when I came back from the summer hols, she was…I don't know. I can't think of anything I did except wear her damn tights but I bought her new ones!"  
James had stopped walking, a funny expression twisting his features.

"End of fifth year?" he repeated faintly.

"Yes," I looked at him, "All right there, Potter?"

James covered his eyes, "Merlin... Surely not,"

"Surely not, _what_?" I asked in exasperation and James looked at me again, grimacing slightly. He coughed again, tugging at his hair anxiously.

"Well, do you know why I broke up with Hestia?" he asked slowly.

"No?"

"I _might_ have, you know, accidentally called her Lily once… Or twice. Or maybe three times. But who's counting?" he winced and I stared at him with wide, shocked eyes.

" _What_?" I gaped at him.  
"It was an accident, I swear, I wasn't even _thinking_ about you," James said quickly, shaking his head, then he paused, looking thoughtful, "Well, maybe I was. But it was an _accident_ ,"  
"Why were you thinking about me?" I asked, my voice rising an octave and James looked up at me sheepishly.

"I got with her just after the OWLS," he shrugged, "Maybe you forgot, Lils, but I used to fancy you something horrid back then,"  
Oh my God.

"Why did you date Hestia then?" I asked, blushing to the roots of my hair.  
"Because she fancied me and I thought she was fit," he replied, his tone matter of fact and I rolled my eyes.

Boys.

"Oh Merlin, is that why she hates me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her, "Because of _you?"  
"_Hey, I didn't know she would dislike you because of that!" he cried, "It was a mistake,"  
"You did it _three_ times, Potter! That's not a mistake anymore,"  
"I didn't think she cared," he insisted, then frowned, raking a hand through his hair, "Well, the first time she just laughed it off and the second time she was just a bit annoyed. And fine, I suppose no bird would like if their bloke said another girl's name while snogging her but-,"  
I just stared at him blankly.

He was thinking of _me_ whilst snogging her?

I was probably beet red by now.

"What?" he asked defensively, "She broke up with _me_ so I thought she was angry at me. I had no idea she'll get pissed at you for something I did,"

"Girls are idiots that way," I shook my head and sighed, "Merlin, James, you're a rubbish boyfriend,"

"No I'm not," he countered immediately, "We just weren't right for each other,"  
"Clearly not," I said flatly.

"Are you cross with me?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, I'm cross at Hestia for being such a prat," I said, continuing to walk down the stairs and yelped when the staircase began to move, clutching onto James' arm.

"Sorry you have to put up with that," he said, petting my shoulder awkwardly and I shrugged, straightening myself up.

"It's not your fault Hestia is an idiot and is taking it out on me when I didn't even do anything," I said and scowled, "It was bloody _two_ years ago,"  
I looked around in confusion, not recognising our surroundings. The staircase had relocated us to the sixth floor where I rarely ever went.

"Where are we?" I asked and James glanced around quickly.

"Sixth floor,"  
"I know that, you idiot," I rolled my eyes, "But how do we get down? I don't recognise this place at all,"  
"Oh, if you go down there it leads to the Astronomy Tower," he pointed to the corridor, "Where are you going?"  
"I'm meant to have lunch at the Great Lawn with Kate and Mary," I replied, staring down the banister anxiously, "Do you reckon the staircase will come back anytime soon?"  
"You're waiting for the staircase? You insult me, Lily Evans. Have you forgotten who you're with?" James grabbed my hand, leading me down the corridor, "I can get you there in five minutes,"  
"Really?" I asked uncertainly. Even from my bedroom in the Gryffindor tower, it took ages getting down to the Entrance.

"Trust me," he winked at me, "Ready to jump through some more walls?"  
"Oh no," I said quickly, "No, no. None of that,"

He laughed, "It'll be fun, Lily. Think of it as an end of exam treat,"  
Even though I complained to James about his irresponsibility and idiocy, I could not help but burst into laughter, clutching at my sides when we leapt out of the walls, scaring the life out of a group of third year Hufflepuff boys who had screamed shrilly. One of them whipped out his wand to fly a hex, aiming blindly. The spell missed us, instead, it hit the back of a girl's head, resulting to tentacles sprouting out of her hair.

" _Quit laughing_ James Potter," I said through my giggles as I calmed the raging girl down. She look fierce, tentacles waving wildly around her head, as she pointed her wand at the red faced boy, screaming obscenities.

Good lord, we were going to start a duel soon.

James was all but rolling on the floor with laughter, slapping the mortified boy's back approvingly.

Tch, that useless prick.

"Keep still," I ordered her, taking out my wand, "And put down your wand, Lucy, it was a mistake,"

She looked up at me in surprise, "You know my name?"  
"Aren't you Richard Abbott's younger sister?" I asked, waving my wand and sure enough, the tentacles disappeared.

"But… But you're _Head Girl_ ," she said, looking up at me with wide eyes as she reached up to touch her hair.

I smiled, embarrassed as I patted her head and reminded, "Don't hex them,"

She nodded.  
"Get up, you oaf," I said, hauling James from the floor and he grinned, wagging his wand at the boys.

"Next time, you might want to actually _look_ at your target instead of flying curses everywhere," James told him and the boy's blush deepened.

"Stop encouraging them!" I admonished but was unable to keep the smile from my face, "You shouldn't be hexing in the corridors anyway,"  
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I was just surprised,"  
"Yeah, Evans! It was self defence!"  
"Shut up, Potter," I snarled, snatching his wand away from him and he grinned, grabbing me into a headlock as he dragged me down the corridor, waving cheerfully at the ogling third years.

He started to laugh again when I poked him in the ribs with his wand.

"What?" I asked crossly, attempting to fix my hair after wrestling myself away from James.

"Lily," he said, his eyes bright with mirth, "We have _got_ to be the worst Heads in the history of Hogwarts,"  
"Oh God, don't remind me of it," I moaned, burying my face into my hands.

He tugged at the end of my ponytail playfully.

"Don't worry, Lils," he said, "That's what makes us brilliant,"

* * *

"Would you still rather date the Giant Squid than James?" Kate asked, twirling her wand in the air and a confetti of flower petals rained down onto us.

I blew a petal off my face, blinking sleepily in the sun.

We had stuffed ourselves with sandwiches, fruit, butterbeer and tarts and were currently dozing in the warm sunlight, full and relaxed for the first time since semester started.

"Giant Squid has the Great Lake to offer me," I yawned, settling into the plaid blanket that I had conjured. I hoped Petunia didn't notice it missing.

"How can James possibly beat that?"  
"Lily, you don't even like to swim," Mary giggled from next to me. Her face was upturned to the sky, petals from Kate's wand clinging onto her lashes as she lay in the sun, drinking in the warmth.

"James is loaded, I'm sure he'll be able to give you something," Kate said, rolling over onto her stomach, "You two seem chummy nowadays,"

James and I had arrived at the lawns half an hour ago, still howling like idiots because of our encounter with the Hufflepuff third years, much to Mary and Kate's bemusement. He had tried to stay, insisting he was one of the "birds" but Kate had threatened to fly his precious broomstick into the Whomping Willow unless he left us alone. So he left, but not without grabbing a sandwich and a few tarts first, laughing when Kate threw her shoe at his head.  
"We're mates," I replied, "Head duties and all. And he's a pretty decent bloke now. Much better than how he was the last few years,"  
"Yeah, well, he _was_ a bit of an idiot around Lily," Mary mumbled drowsily, "But boys get stupid around girls they fancy,"  
"Do you remember when he jumped onto her desk?" Kate snorted and I rolled my eyes, "Smooth fellow, wasn't he?"  
"Or the time he sent those singing trolls on Valentine's Day?" Mary was laughing uncontrollably now, "Oh _Merlin¸_ Lily looked like she was going to explode,"  
"How did the poem go away?" Kate asked and I groaned when she began to recite, "Your hair like fire, lights up my desire-,"  
" _Stop_ ," I begged, covering her mouth, "Please, I omitted that occasion from my memory and I'd rather not go through that painful ordeal again,"  
"You should have thrown the boy a bone," she snickered, pushing my hand away from her face.  
"No," I said flatly, "He was a downright ponce back then,"  
"Would you say yes now?"  
"No," I rubbed my eyes sleepily, "Because we're mates and also, I don't want a relationship,"  
"Why not?" Mary sounded surprised and she propped herself up onto her elbows, "You were the hopeless romantic amongst us three,"

Psh. Hopeless romantic? It's because they never _watched_ any films like I did, the poor deprived souls.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of commitment," Kate said dubiously.

I rolled my eyes, "Firstly, it's not like James _fancies_ me anymore, okay?"

Kate snorted at that and I smacked her.

"He doesn't," I insisted, before continuing, "And secondly, I don't know… I feel like I should concentrate on fighting,"

Instead of being impressed by my decision to be dedicated to the resistance, they exchanged a dubious look.

"Lily…," Mary sighed, reaching over to snuggle into my side, "This is exactly what You-Know-Who wants, Lily. People to be afraid and to take what's dear from them and destroy normalcy from our lives,"  
I pursed my lips.

Everything she said made sense and some part of me knew that she was being logical and it was true and I _did_ believe in it. But deep down, I was afraid, afraid of losing someone in the war, losing them to _him,_ and being unable and helpless to protect them.

Like my parents.

I swallowed the hard lump that had formed in my throat.

Back in fifth year, I was woken up in the middle of the night by McGonagall, her lips pressed into a thin, rigid line as she lead me to the Headmaster's office. I had followed her, struggling to keep the panic from erupting and taking control of my body. There I learnt that my dad had gotten into an accident whilst coming home from work and had passed away at the hospital. I took a Portal back home to Surry, numb with shock, my sobbing mother collapsing into my arms. Petunia was hysterical, screaming at me to do something, to bring him back and I stood still as she clawed at my arms, shaking me. Because I couldn't. Magic couldn't bring the dead back.

I could see what losing someone you love could do to you. It broke my mother and now, she was the ghost of the person she used to be and at times, she couldn't even recognise me.

Petunia had looked at me coldly, her eyes flat with anger as she said, "Don't come back unless you're going to stop going to that _school_ of yours,"

Her lips curled into a sneer at the shock in my face but she continued anyway, "You're never here anyway. You don't look after _her_ and because of _you_ , I'm stuck here and I can't live _my_ life while you… While you go to that _freak_ school and forget about her,"

The bitterness in her voice had stung but I didn't reply. Because I had nothing to say to that.

And right now, when so many people were dying, I couldn't afford to get into a relationship. I couldn't deal with losing someone precious to me again.

"Lily?"

I broke out of my thoughts, blinking at my friends who were both watching me with concern in their eyes.

"Sorry," I smiled a little, "Lost in the head,"  
"I know… I know you're scared," Kate's voice was gentle, "But don't let it stop you from living your life,"  
"I'm not," I insisted.  
"And James might be more perfect for you than you realise," Mary added.

"Why are we talking about James again?" I scowled, "Did you guys forget I'm going on a date with _Gilderoy_ tomorrow?"  
"But you can't talk to him about your parents,"  
I stiffened before I asked in disbelief, "And you think I can talk to _James_ about it?"

"Well, maybe," she shrugged, "I mean, he lost his parents too and-,"  
" _What_?" I stared at them, stunned, "What did you just say?"  
Kate frowned, "Lily, come on, remember last year? James lost his parents and-,"  
"I didn't know," I said numbly, whispering in my shock.

James lost his parents?

Oh Merlin.

How on _earth_ did I not know this? How can I not remember?

I struggled to recall last year, but I couldn't remember anything about James. All I knew was that he was quieter than usual and stopped harassing me at every turn but I barely noticed it. I barely even _talked_ to my friends last year, because I was too busy with NEWTS, too busy grieving for my family, too stressed about my mother, with losing Snape, to even notice James and was just grateful that he stopped being so annoying.

I racked my brain, thinking back to every conversation I had with James this year, but he didn't even make one hint at it.

I had no idea…

Was I that self absorbed?

"Lily?" Mary looked stunned, "Did you… Did you not know?"  
I shook my head and scrambled up onto my feet, "No, I didn't know,"

I was an idiot.

I was such a self absorbed idiot.  
"Lily, where are you going?" Kate grabbed my wrist but I shook her off.

"I have to go," I said, shaking my head, "I have… I need to go,"

* * *

"Whoa, Evans," Sirius steadied me as I crashed into him in the hallway, "Why do we keep doing this?"  
"Where's James?" I asked, looking up at him frantically and he frowned, his lips parting in surprise at the desperation in my tone.

"James?" he repeated and he leaned back into the heels of his feet, his hands were still on my wrists, "Lily, what's wrong?"  
He called me Lily. I don't think he ever called me Lily before. I shook the thought away.

"Where's James?" I repeated, trying to shake his grip away but his hands tightened, refusing to let go.

"He has detention," he said calmly and dragged me away, pulling me into an empty classroom and out of the curious stares we were receiving.

Sirius Black and Lily Evans standing together in the middle of a hallway was primetime entertainment, just in time for dinner.

"What's wrong?" he repeated.

"Sirius," I sucked in my breath, "Did… Did James' parents pass away?"

The effect was immediate. Sirius' eyes shuttered at once, becoming a flat, cold unreadable grey. And suddenly I remembered that Sirius had lived with the Potters since fifth year. They were more like his parents than his own.

"Why are you asking suddenly?" he asked tonelessly.  
My knees buckled underneath me in shock and I sank down onto the floor, burying my face into my hands.  
"I had no idea," I whispered, my words muffled against my skin and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes, "I had _no_ fucking idea,"  
"What do you mean?" Sirius was crouched down next to me, gripping my shoulders, "Fuck, Lily, how could you not _know_?"  
"I don't know!" I cried in frustration, "I just had no idea,"  
"This," Sirius shook his head in disgust, "Is exactly why I don't like you, Lily,"  
I flinched at that.

This conversation was _not_ what I was expecting.

"No, I like you fine as a person," Sirius countered with a small smile, "I always thought you were a shrill, stick in the mud prude. But after getting to know you, I _hate_ to admit it, but you're pretty damn brilliant, Evans, and I might just understand what everyone else sees in you. Especially after how you were with Moony,"  
I stared at him wordlessly.

"But you," the ferocity in his voice startled me, "You're so fucking oblivious, Evans, and watching him dance around in circles trying to get you to bloody notice him. _That_ is what makes me so fucking angry and why I can't stand you at times,"  
"What are you talking about?" I stammered, automatically coiling away from him but he grabbed me closer, his eyes flashing.

"James!" he bellowed and I winced as his fingers dug into my arm, "I'm talking about _James_ _fucking Potter!_ You didn't even know his parents goddamn died! You didn't notice him at _all_ last year? He was a mess, he was _killing_ himself because of it and you didn't even _know?_ ,"

"I'm sorry," I cried and the tears burst out without my permission, "You don't think I feel completely shit because of it?"

"You know what really gets me?" Sirius laughed hollowly, finally letting go of me and he ran a shaky hand through his hair, "When he heard you lost your dad, he wanted to go to you immediately. And he would have if I didn't stop him,"  
"What?" My eyes bugged out slightly, stunned.

I think I'm going to throw up.

I told him that he would have made it worse," he said flatly, "That you wouldn't want him there and that finally managed to calm him down,"  
I fell silent.

I knew James fancied me, the whole bloody school knew, even bloody Dumbledore knew, even the _House Elves_ knew, but I had always thought that I was just a game to him. I was the only one immune to James Potter's charms and the only girl in Hogwarts who had ever rejected him. So I thought that was all I was to him, a chase.

But he wanted to be there for me when my dad passed away? Was… Was he actually sincere?

Oh Merlin.

I could not deal with this at the moment. It was all too much.

"I can't control James," Sirius said quietly, "He's not an animal I can just train. But Evans, you're just going to hurt him,"  
"What are you trying to say?" I whispered.  
"I'm saying that you don't deserve James,"

I sucked in a breath. It was as if he had sucker punched me, leaving me breathless.

"And if you care for him," Sirius stood up, "You should just leave him alone,"  
I shot up, suddenly furious and stepped closer to Sirius, our noses almost touching.

"Don't you _dare_ fucking assume anything about me, Sirius Black," I whispered, and my wand, without me noticing, was now pressed to his chest.

"Sixth year was _hard_ for me, okay?" I continued, my voice rising, "You think I'm that completely self absorbed that I wouldn't have noticed a _thing_ about James for no reason? Well guess what, Sirius fucking _Black_ , you're not the only goddamn student here with a sob story,"  
Sirius took a step back from me cautiously but oh no, he wasn't getting away from this. I wasn't done yet. I yanked him forward, my fingers twisting into the front of his robes.

"My dad passed away last year and guess what, Sirius Black? Not all of us are from families that leave fucking _inheritance,"_ I said, my fingers trembling at his chest. I let go.

I sucked in a deep breath, my voice quiet again, "I almost couldn't return to Hogwarts last year. Because my _mum_ lost her mind and someone had to be with her. And if it wasn't for the fact that my sister got married and her husband was willing to support her, I wouldn't be here. I would be _working_ my ass off so I can look after her. But you think I was able to concentrate at school, knowing my mum was alone in a nursing home?"  
Sirius shook his head wordlessly.

"You think I was _fine_ knowing that she couldn't even recognise me?" I shouted and tears were now streaming freely down my cheeks, "And that she could be already _dead_ by the time I knew? Do you have any idea how useless… How helpless I feel? I have… I have _magic_ , and I can't help her… Like I couldn't help my dad,"

I covered my eyes with a hand, sucking in an unsteady breath.

"I'm sorry I didn't know about James," I said quietly, the anger leaving me and I deflated, suddenly exhausted, "I feel horrible about it, I really do. But I didn't care about James back in fifth year and you can't blame me because he was an _arse_. But that's still no excuse. And I care about him now, so I'm _sorry_ "

I dropped my hand, "So don't assume anything about me, Sirius Black,"

I pushed past him, walking towards the door but he stopped me, moving so that he was blocking my path with his body.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said quietly and I could hear the sincerity in his voice, "I'm sorry I'm such a bloody arsehole. But it's because I'm so protective over James. He's my brother,"

No. I couldn't blame him for caring about James.

I shook my head, and jerked in surprise when he reached out, carefully wiping at the stray tears on my cheeks with his fingers.

"That's because I made you cry," he said gruffly before tugging me into a tight embrace, "And Lily, it's not your fault. You have to know that. Your dad… You couldn't do anything, and that is _not_ your fault,"

I nodded, pressing my lips tightly together as I blinked rapidly, "I know. But I still… I still feel so _guilty_ ,"  
I felt guilty to my dad for not being there for him at his last moment and for spending most of my time away from him. I felt guilty to my mum for being unable to support her, for being too young to help her. And I felt guilty to Petunia for leaving her alone with such a huge responsibility, for being helpless and letting her down the one moment she wanted something

from me.

"It's not your fault, Lily," he said quietly, "If I took blame for everything I couldn't prevent for my family, I wouldn't be able to live with myself,"

I closed my eyes as I leaned into his chest, pressing my cheek into the soft fabric of his robes.

"I don't hate you too, by the way," I mumbled and felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

"Lily Evans," he shook his head, his tone resigned, "You must be one of the most forgiving birds I've ever met,"

"I still think you're a son of a bitch," I looked up at him and he rolled his eyes, dropping his arms away from me.

"And you're an idiot, by the way," he said, walking towards the door.

"Kick me while I'm down, why don't you?" I snorted, following him out and he let out a bark of laughter.

"Because you're just opening yourself into a world of hurt by being so nice," he tutted.  
"I'm not nice," I insisted, swatting at his head but he ducked away easily, lazily pushing away my hand.  
"You are, Lily," he said, "And _that_ will be the death of you,"  
"No," I shook my head, trotting after his long strides, " _You_ will be,"

* * *

 **Hello, stranger. Thank you for reading up to here and thanks for the reviews too. They make me warm and fuzzy in a way that I didn't know was possible. There are probably a few (i.e a lot) of mistakes here and there because I'm usually editing the story late at night after uni and all, so I'll fix them as time goes. And to explain why I upload so fast, it's because I wrote this fanfiction AGES ago and have a lot of the chapters drafted out. Now it's time for some fine tuning, but apparently I'm a horrible editor.**

 **Once again, thank you every one!**


	10. Chapter 10: The One with the Bad Date

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"Are you okay?" Kate asked as soon as I stumbled back into the dormitory, my eyes still rimmed red from tears.

It was just past seven when I had returned back to the Gryffindor tower with Sirius, Kate and Mary, back early from dinner, was waiting for my arrival anxiously.

"Truce?" he asked, stopping me from going up the staircase and I had to laugh at the clear discomfit on his face. I shook his hand.

"Truce,"  
"I'm fine," I said, shucking off my robes and saw the two exchange worried glances.

Honestly, did they not believe a word I said?

"I'm _fine_ ," I repeated, rolling my eyes, "Don't worry,"  
"You didn't talk to James," Mary said tentatively, "We saw him at the Dining Hall,"  
"Yeah, I was with Sirius," I nodded.

I was, in ways, glad I ran into Sirius before James. Because thinking about it now, I wasn't sure what I would have done if I met him. What, it's not like I could just throw my arms around _him_ and ask if his parents passed away. That would be awkward on a whole new level and we both would have left the conversation feeling absolutely terrible. I was too upset and was running on my feet, head first before I even knew what I was doing .

Hm.

It seemed like a habit of mine these days, to act first without thinking. It was recklessly impulsive and very un-Lily like. I must work on fixing that.

"Oh Merlin, that prat was nasty to you, wasn't he?" Kate asked furiously, standing up, "Well, he can shove his moodiness up his arse because he has no idea what you-,"  
"It's okay," I assured her, slightly bemused by the scowl, twisting up her features. Kate was, by nature, a very bright person, and anger did not suit her.

"I talked it out with Sirius,"  
"And nobody was hurt?" she asked dubiously, her expression clearing and I grinned.

"Well, at one point I had my wand out," I mused, picking up my pyjamas, "But it ended well. No one was hexed. Hugs were exchanged,"  
"Uh oh, Sirius must have done something bad to hug you," Kate sat, flopping down on her bed, "He doesn't hug anyone,"  
"Hey, how do you know it wasn't _me_ that was hugging him?" I asked defensively, "Maybe _I_ made him cry,"

"He made you cry?" Mary asked, alarmed and I shook my head.

"No, I… You know what, forget it," I said in exasperation and frowned, "Is that an owl?"

There was a handsome, tawny owl pecking at our window, hooting in annoyance when we just stared at it blankly. We didn't get owls very often in our dormitory.  
"Why yes, yes it is," Kate unlatched the window, letting the bird hop in, "Hey, this is James' owl!"  
I watched as she untied the letter from his leg, peering at the note.

"It's for you," she handed it out to me.  
I took it wordlessly, smoothing out the folded piece of parchment whilst absently handing the owl some snacks. It gave an appreciative hoot, nibbling on the stick.

 _Lily,_

 _Did you fight with Sirius? He's hiding in his bed with a box of chocolate and the last time he did that was when Peter broke his motorcycle. Also, I noticed you two weren't at dinner tonight. And Mary might have mentioned you were looking for me._

 _James_

Sirius with a box of chocolate?

I rolled my eyes. Merlin, he was such a pansy at times but I had to smile at the imagery of Sirius stuffing his face with chocolate. I grabbed a quill from my bag, fishing out a spare scrap of parchment paper.

 _James,_

 _Really? Ha. I hope he gets fat. It'll do wonders to his self esteem._

 _And I'm fine. Really. I'll see you tomorrow for rounds._

 _Lily_

When I came out of the bathroom, freshly showered and clean, I had another letter, except this time, there was a small parcel attached too. I stroked the smooth feathers of his owl and he puffed up happily at the touch. I laughed at him. Much like his owner, he was very easy to please.

 _L,_

 _I hope your 'fine' isn't the passive aggressive bull girls use when they're not fine at all but pretending to be. Birds are bloody insane._

 _I know you didn't have dinner so here are some pasties that Peter and Remus took from the kitchens earlier._

 _Happy Halloween_

 _J_

 _P.S Padfoot doesn't gain weight. He just turns needy_

I unwrapped the small, hastily wrapped package and smiled down at the two, slightly squashed pies that he had sent over. James could be so bloody sweet at times, it was hard to believe he was the same James from two years ago. Though I knew _now_ what might have caused him to mellow and the heaviness to my stomach returned at the thought.

 _James,_

 _Thank you for the pies. I inhaled them._

 _It's not Halloween yet, you dolt._

 _Happy Halloween_ _Eve_ _._

 _Lily_

 _P.S. Send me a wedding invitation. You and Sirius would look adorable in matching suits_

 _L,_

 _You're welcome_

 _And stop raining on my parade_

 _Happy_ _Halloween_

 _J_

 _P.S Fuck off_

* * *

"Yeah, we wore our robes and grabbed our brooms and went trick-o-treating," James was saying as we walked down the main street of Hogsmeade, "The Muggles thought our magic tricks were awfully clever,"  
"Oh Merlin,"

We were sharing stories about our Halloween. I told him about the time when I was six, I dressed as a princess but Tommy Hicks from my kindergarten, laughed at me and told me that no princess had ugly red hair like mine. I was furious and ripped off my tiara in tears, and to the shock of everyone around us, all his pretty, golden curls disappeared, leaving him bald. James burst out into laughter at that, before confessing a story about when a nosy stranger asked him about his perpetually messy hair, he had caused her to swell and float away. His parents had to chase her, casting memory spells at every Muggle in the vicinity as they tried to get her back down.

And now he was recounting Halloween from two years ago where the Marauders snuck out of Hogwarts and rode their brooms over to the nearest Muggle village to partake in the Muggle tradition of trick or treat.

I couldn't help but laugh at the pure absurdity of it all. I sometimes forgot that James lived in the wizarding world and had little to no contact with the human world. And it amused me to no end how the most mundane of things fascinated James.

God, when he heard about television, he wouldn't shut up for almost an entire hour, amazed by the creativity of the non-magic folk.

"Muggle sweets don't move," James shook his head, "Weird,"  
"Neither do our photographs," I informed him and he nodded feverishly and I broke out into another smile at his enthusiasm.

"I knew that," he said proudly, "Remus showed me! Sirius set one on fire, trying to get them to move,"

Typical Sirius Black. He had a destructive streak that ran miles deep.  
"Remus should have dressed as a werewolf," I giggled a little and James joined my laughter.

"That would have been fun," he shook his head and squinted his eyes as he spotted something in the distance.

His jaw dropped open when he recognised the three figures, running in our direction, "Is that… Is that the lads?"  
I gaped at explosion of colour that was torpedoing out from Zonkos towards us, a wild smile breaking through each of their faces. They were dressed as….

"Crayons?" I asked faintly.  
"Yes," Sirius tugged at the bright, red pointed hat on his head, "Crayons,"  
"Shove off, you're embarrassing me," James pushed him away but instead, they held onto him tighter.

I laughed, taking a careful step away from them, "And you say _girls_ are insane,"  
"I think Lily is jealous because we're only giving James attention," Remus said, glancing over at Sirius over James' hair.

James had stopped struggling now and was standing there helplessly as he gazed at me over the three nutcases heads.

"Me thinks so," Sirius said gravely, "What do you think, Wormy?"  
"I think Lily deserves our love too," Peter nodded and before I could flee from their idiocy, they launched themselves at me, draping their limbs across my body.

"Get off," I spat out a mouthful of Peter's hair, "Get _off_ ,"  
"Never," Sirius was clutching me around my stomach and doubled over when I elbowed his head.

"We'll be your date till Gilderoy comes," Peter assured me and I rolled my eyes.

Frankly, after all that happened yesterday, I was barely interested in the date, but it was rude to cancel on the day before, so I decided to just go through with it. Plus, on a drizzly, dreary day like today, I could do with a pretty face.

" _Remus,_ " I whined, looking over at him. He had his arms tight around my neck and he just smirked, not making a move to help me get away from the idiots. Wait, he was a part of the idiots this time.

"Nope," he shook his head.  
"You traitor," I hissed and looked over their heads at James who was watching us in bemusement, "James?"  
"Sorry," he said, holding out his hands helplessly, "I can't fight them all at once,"

"I'm supposed to be on duty!" I whined and he grinned.

"Don't worry, I'm keeping an eye out," he assured me, tapping the side of his nose.  
"Which eye?" I struggled against them but their grips simultaneously tightened around me, "You're looking right at me!"  
"You worry too much," he reached over to ruffle my hair, much to my annoyance, "Live a little, Evans,"  
"I live plenty!" I said and yelped when I felt a sharp sting on my arm and I looked down at Sirius who was grinning wolfishly, "Did you just bite me, Sirius?"  
"Maybe,"

Oh for the love of Merlin.  
"You are so bloody annoying," I spluttered but I couldn't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter at the ridiculousness of this situation.

What the hell was going on? How did I end up in the middle of Hogsmeade with three quarters of the Marauders draped onto me? I blushed when I noticed the strange stares we were receiving by the other students and I tried in vain to shake them off.

"You didn't compliment us on our costumes yet," Remus reminded me, "We spent a lot of time on it,"  
"Oh please, I recognise a colour change charm when I see one," I rolled my eyes, "Really creative. Outstandings all around,"  
"It's a bit hypocritical if you're poking fun at _our_ creativity, don't you think?" Sirius raised his eyebrows at me.

"I am creative," I said, indignant.

These boys clearly have never been on the receiving end of my shrinking charm. Let's see if they'd still be bloody laughing when they're reduced to the size of peas.

And I _stepped_ on them.

"Lily, you named your bloody owl _Owl_ ," James snorted, "I think that says something about your creativity,"

I was _eleven_ when I had gotten her, so I clearly did not know any better. I didn't even know you could have owls as pets! I thought I was being awfully clever back then, but in hindsight, I think my parents were too indulging for my own good.

"I hate you all," I moaned.

"No, you adore us," Remus said.

"Can't live without us," Sirius added.

"Which is why we're here," Peter squeezed tightly.

"Lily?"  
All our heads turned around at the same time to see the very confused face of Gilderoy Lockheart.

* * *

"Gilderoy," I tried to shake the three off desperately but they wouldn't budge, instead, they all stared at him with obvious hostility in their eyes.

"Lily," he said, smiling brightly though his eyes kept darting between the faces that were clamped tightly onto my person and I found myself blushing.

These _gits_.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, "It's past three,"  
"Oh is it?" I struggled to lift my hand and then gave up when Sirius refused to budge, "I'm so sorry, these three are being prats and I couldn't move,"  
"No, its fine, its fine, a bit of a joke with your mates, is it?" Gilderoy ran a hand through his marvellously blonde hair, "All right, Potter?"  
James nodded curtly, "Lockheart,"  
"Erm, so, why don't you let Lily go now, Black?" Gilderoy asked, "It's time for our date,"  
"Make me,"  
Oh for goodness sake.

I elbowed his stomach, "Get _off,_ Sirius. You too, Remus and Peter,"  
"Is it your turn now, Gilderoy?" Remus asked innocently.

What the hell was he doing?

"My turn?" Gilderoy looked baffled, "For what?"  
"To go on a date with Lily," and then he, to my complete utter shock, planted a fat kiss on my cheek, "This little tease. She had me at twelve,"  
"And me at one," Sirius, deciding he cannot be outdone by Remus, also kissed my forehead, "And she gave Peter a pity date at two,"  
Peter, to my horror, kissed my other cheek and in that moment, I felt like dying, I really did. But after I murdered these ponces.

Gilderoy's mouth parted in shock and he spluttered, "What?"  
"They're joking," I said quickly and managed to fish out my wand that was stashed within my robes, "Get off me or I am going to hex you all,"  
"Really, Head Girl?" Sirius asked disapprovingly, "I see Prongs has thoroughly corrupted you,"  
"Get off her," James said quietly and the three shot him a sour glare before they reluctantly let go of me, freeing me of their weight.

Those _arses_ were listening to Potter immediately when they completely ignored my pleas for the last ten minutes.

I straightened my robes, "Shall we go then? I'm starved,"  
"Erm, okay," Gilderoy blinked, in what I noticed meanly, was a rather stupid manner, "Sure thing. Off we go,"  
"Gilboy, I think you might have casted a few too many beauty spells," Sirius said nastily, "Clearly its addling with your brain,"

"It's _Gilderoy,"_ I snapped, knowing full well that he already knew.

"That's what I said," he sneered back.  
I glared at Sirius but he just ignored me, smirking at the confused expression on Gilderoy's face.

"What-," he began but I grabbed his forearm firmly, dragging him away from the idiots.

"Sorry, they're just messing with you," I told him uncomfortably, "I don't know why they're like that,"  
"Because they're the Marauders!" Gilderoy laughed gaily, clearly over his confusion, "You said you were hungry?"  
"Yes," I nodded quickly, "Let's go to the Three Broomsticks. I can do with a butterbeer,"

I've been patrolling since nine in the morning, and besides sharing a bar of chocolate with James, I had not eating anything since breakfast.

"Funny lot, aren't they?" he asked when we slipped into a booth in the packed pub.

"Yeah, they're fairly odd," I managed, cupping the warm mug of butterbeer in my hands.  
That was an understatement. I always thought that James and Sirius were the loony ones in the group, but today just proved that insanity must rub off, because Pete and Remus were _clearly_ just as insane.

"Oh, Lily," Gilderoy pulled someone from the crowd, dragging him into our table, "This is Adam Harley, you know him, right?"  
I stared at the seventh year Ravenclaw with a smile, "Hey, Adam,"  
"Hello, Lily," his brown eyes were widened with surprise, "You on a date with Gilderoy?"  
"Yeah, we're having lunch," Gilderoy smiled widely, gesturing at me, "Isn't she pretty?"  
"Well, everyone knows Evans is gorgeous," Adam rolled his eyes and I reddened at that, uncomfortable, "I thought you were with Potter,"  
"What?" I asked blankly, "James?"  
"No, I got her first," Gilderoy winked, "Won over Potter, didn't I?"  
My mouth dropped open at that, staring at him in confusion.

 _What did he just say?_

"What was that?" I asked flatly once Adam left, "Got to me first?"

"Well, you're here, aren't you?" he asked, shrugging, "Not with Potter. But I suppose it's hard to resist my smile. I was voted the best smile in Hogwarts, did you know that?"  
I could remember the stupidly shallow poll the idiot Hufflepuff seventh years conducted last year that I tried so hard to ban but my scolding were overridden by the protests of the female population of Hogwarts.

"I thought Sirius won," I said, raising an eyebrow.

He had gloated about it for days, covering every inch of the common room wall with posters of him winking cheekily at the other students, and blowing kisses at the girls. I couldn't remove it, much to my annoyance, because Sirius may be pretty, but he was also ridiculously talented at sticking charms. He only took them off when I threatened to tell McGonagall.

The top of Gilderoy's cheekbones turned pink, "Oh, that was for Ravenclaw then! I must have gotten confused because I win so many contests,"  
I just nodded, taking a bite from my burger to prevent me from having to talk.

"Watch did you think of the Quidditch match? Went pretty long, didn't it? If only Quidditch didn't mess up my hair so much, I would have played for the team though I guess it might not be much fun if the game lasted five minutes! I'm an excellent Seeker. And a Chaser. A pretty decent Keeper too," he chattered, pausing only to admire his reflection in the spoon he held. I watched in fascination as he flashed himself a wink.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.  
"Really now,"  
He nodded enthusiastically and his eyes brightened when he noticed something behind me. He waved a hand, "Oi!"  
A group of Hufflepuff seventh years had entered the pub, bringing in a blast of cold air with them. They looked over at his call, shivering in the cold. The last day of October was bitingly cold, a contrast to the warmth of yesterday.

"I'm on a date with Evans," Gilderoy said before they could even speak, "Won her from Potter. Poor fellow, always lagging behind me,"  
 _Oh my god._

Not this again.

"You were dating Potter?" Caitlin gaped at me and I could see her eyes flare up in excitement at the potential of new gossip, "Since when?"  
"I am not dating Potter and I never have," I said through gritted teeth and I could see the obvious disappointment in her eyes when I said that.  
After a few minutes of chatter, they drifted away and I sighed into my mug, unhappy about the fact that I had no buffer to block out Gilderoy now.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Gilderoy asked brightly as we exited the pub. I tightened the scarf around my neck.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging, "I'm really tired, I think I want to go back to the Castle,"

"No, wait," Gilderoy cried, "We should meet more people before we go back up,"  
"So you can tell them you won over Potter again?" I asked flatly and glared up at him in annoyance, "What is _up_ with that, by the way? Do you… Do you have some complex over James or something?"  
"No-," he looked startled but his entire face was flushed.

"And I'm not dating Potter, alright?" I added, "So you didn't win me from anyone and I'm not… Not some bloody _trophy!_ "  
With that, I turned around and stormed up to the castle, leaving Gilderoy and his stupid, golden head, to stare after at me with wide, confused eyes.

Prat.

* * *

"Do not say a word," I held up my hand as I threw myself onto the armchair in front of the fire in the common room that James was currently occupying, squeezing myself into the seat.

He raised his eyebrows, "Excuse me, but I am sitting here, Evans,"  
"Move then," I scowled, kicking off my boots and snuggled deeper into the cushion of the armchair. I loved this armchair, it was my favourite spot to rest in the common room.

James rolled his eyes in exasperation but he shifted slightly, making more room for me and his arm draped around the back of the armchair. And then he continued to read from the Transfiguration textbook that was on his lap.

"Not going to ask?" I asked suspiciously.

I had expected James to rub into my face with a torrent of _I told you so_ as soon as I entered the common room. I must have been more self absorbed than I thought because James hadn't said a word so far.

"I don't need to," James said calmly, turning over to the next page, "I can see it all over your face,"  
"He's a prat," I fumed, glaring into the crackling fire, "A complete, idiotic prat. A dishy one, but _Merlin_ , James,"  
"That bad?" the corner of his lips turned up slightly and I smacked him.

"Don't laugh, Potter," I warned.

"I told you he was a ponce," he said cheerfully, completely disregarding my threats as usual.  
"Three minutes, James," I checked my watch, "How badly did you want to say that?"  
"Like you wouldn't believe," he grinned up at me, tossing the textbook aside and sighed happily, "I love being right,"  
"Oh, shut up," I groaned, pressing my face into the armchair, "It was horrible, James. He just kept talking about himself and how bloody brilliant he is at everything. And do you know what the worst part was?"

"He uses more products in his hair than you?" he suggested.  
"No," I paused, and frowned, "Though that is true,"  
James laughed, "What could possibly be worse? He kept checking his reflection on every surface available?"  
"He did that too," I scowled, glaring at the small hole at the toe of his socks, "The worst part was that he kept… Kept showing me off. Called every bloody person he knew over to our table, and it _might_ have been flattering if he didn't keep saying that he won me from you!"  
"What?" James asked after a moment of silence.

"He kept saying that," I raged, "I won her from Potter. What.. What am I, some _possession?"  
_ James had an odd look in his eyes, "Won you from me?"  
"Yes," I kicked at the footstool in annoyance, watching as it toppled over, "He has some _serious_ complex about you, James,"

"Don't they all?"  
"I'm serious,"  
"Me too, I'm completely brilliant,"  
"I would hit you but I'm too tired to," I said, sagging into the seat, "That had got to be the most insulting date I've been on so far,"  
He hummed in satisfaction, picking up his textbook again, "I told you so,"  
"Shut up," I mumbled, and sighed, resting my head against his shoulder, "Why can't there be any decent blokes at Hogwarts?"  
James snorted, "Maybe you just have ridiculous standards,"  
"Better than having no standards like you," I shot back.  
"Don't insult yourself, Lil, I mean, you're annoying but you're not that bad," he said and grinned when I looked at him, not comprehending his words, "I fancied _you_ didn't I?"

Oh, this git.  
"That was your one redeeming moment," I said, sniffing, "The others were rubbish,"  
"Jealousy stains, Evans,"  
"Jealousy," I rolled my eyes, "Bah,"  
"Someone is in a nasty mood," James noted.  
"Try going on a date with Lockheart and you'll feel my pain," I grumbled and he chuckled, ruffling my hair, "Your friends are such ponces too. What was up with them today?"  
"Nothing, I think they just like you,"

"Of course, I'm absolutely charming," I said, preening a little and laughed at his disgusted expression.  
"And modest too," he rolled his eyes and I rested my chin onto his shoulder, reading the page the book was open to.

"Do you find this fun?" I asked uncertainly after two lines. It sounded horribly complex and I was just _done_ with Transfiguration.  
"Very informative," he nodded before adding absently, "You can pick up a few pointers or two from it, Lily. Maybe next time your chair won't have a feather on it,"  
"That was _your_ fault," I said, blushing furiously.

If James had noticed it, there was no way in hell that McGonagall and her laser beam eyes would have missed it.  
"Yes, always blame James for your misdeeds," James rolled his eyes, "Your obsession with me is slightly unhealthy, Lily,"

 _Obsession._

This idiot thought he was so funny, didn't he?  
"If you and Sirius weren't changing your chicken bright _pink_ then maybe I could have paid attention!"  
"Stop looking at me all the time then, it's getting a bit embarrassing, Evans,"  
"I was looking at Sirius actually," I said, smirking, "Don't flatter yourself,"

"Lies,"

"No, I like my men slightly barmy," I giggled and James laughed too and I flicked his nose, "I'm serious though. Stop changing your chickens,"  
"Lily, there will come a time in life where you'll have to use Transfiguration in less than perfect conditions," he said, a patronizing smile on his face and I fought the urge to punch him, "And you won't always have me to blame,"

"I highly doubt Voldemort will be changing his chickens bright pink, James," I said drily. I had expected to get a laugh from that but he quietened immediately, the humour fading from his eyes.  
James' expression was sombre when he spoke again, "Hopefully, you don't ever have to deal directly with him,"  
"You never know," I shrugged, playing with the end of my scarf and smiled a little, trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood, "And he might really like chickens,"  
James sighed, running a hand through his hair, "You're are, by far, the best witch I have ever met. Probably the best witch in our generation,"  
"James," I fidgeted uncomfortably, my cheeks burning in embarrassment, "That's really not true,"

"You are," he said forcefully, "But remember Lily, this is Voldemort we're talking about. Neither of us stands a chance against him. He's not Lestrange or Mulciber, okay?"  
"I know that, James," I frowned, taken aback by the intensity in his eyes, "And this is all a bit unnecessary, isn't it? Like you said, I probably will never have to face him,"  
He sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly and I reached up to straighten his eschew glasses.

James looked tired, the bone, deep sort of weariness that did not suit his youth and I realised, with a start, that we were growing up far too quickly.

I missed my dad at this moment, I _ached_ for him so much that it physically hurt. I missed his warm smiles, his hugs and how I felt so safe in his arms, blind to the dangers of Voldemort and the wizarding world. I blinked back the tears that had suddenly formed in my eyes, clouding my vision..

I was _not_ going to cry in front of James again.

"I said I _hope_ you don't have to," he shook his head before his eyes met mine again, helpless "But Lily, you're bound to catch the attention of them. It's just a matter of time,"

"Me?" I asked in surprise, "But I'm just a Muggleborn,"  
"Exactly," he sounded unhappy, exhausted as he continued, "A Muggleborn who is Head Girl and managed to disarm the son of a known Death Eater in less than a second,"  
"That was luck," I mumbled, shifting in my seat, "And you were there,"  
"Luck or not, word gets around, Lily," he said quietly, "So be careful,"  
"I'm at Hogwarts," I said, squeezing his hand and offered him a tentative smile, "When Dumbledore is here, what can possibly go wrong? We all know he wouldn't dare touch Hogwarts with Dumbledore here,"

"There are ways to get to you outside Hogwarts, Lily,"  
"James, I think you're a little paranoid," I said, forcing lightness to my tone but he was scaring me with his seriousness, and the hopelessness in his eyes made me feel as if it was true.

But surely not.

Surely Voldemort wouldn't notice a daft witch like me.

"Fine, I _am_ quite brilliant but I really don't think he's going to care about me. He has countries to control, giants to recruit... You know, Dumbledore to worry about,"

"Just be careful, Lily, always," he said and sighed, "I know you tend to run into situations without really thinking,"

I wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that he knew me so well.

"But slow down, alright?" he pushed himself off the armchair and I suddenly felt cold without the warmth of his body, pressing into my side. He looked down at me for a long moment, his eyes almost painfully soft.

I swallowed.

"Because I can't lose you too," James said so quietly I almost missed it.

And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the Common Room, suddenly feeling the urge to burst into tears.

* * *

"Lily Evans, my dear girl,"  
I looked up from the beaker I was drying, smiling up at Professor Slughorn. He beamed back, waving his wand.

"Your Draught of Peace potion is absolutely wonderful," he said, holding up the small vial, filled with the lilac coloured potion, "I am just coming back from handing it to the Hospital Wing,"

That's it. I loved Potions. It stroked my ego liked nothing else.

Well, except Charms. But to be fair, I had been married to Charms ever since I had entered Hogwarts, we were in a _very_ serious relationship. So I guess I could take Potions as a lover. I had plenty of love to go around.  
"Thanks sir, I have an excellent teacher," I smiled and heard Elizabeth snort very quietly behind me. I turned around to glare at her but she was studiously packing up the cauldron, her lips twitching.

Professor Slughorn's face looked like it was going to split in half as he chuckled approvingly.

"Will you come to this week's Slug Club meeting?" he asked hopefully and I had to control my expression as I shook my head.  
"No, sorry Sir," I said, mustering as much remorse in my voice as possible, "I have a Prefect meeting,"  
"Ah, well, that's too bad," he clucked his tongue unhappily, "You and Mr. Potter rarely come to the dinners anymore. I have quite a few people who would love to meet you both,"

James' words from a few nights back flashed through my head.

" _They're bound to notice you_ ,"

I smiled weakly, "Head duties and all,"

I didn't want to draw extra attention to myself from people outsides Hogwarts. I knew Slughorn's game, he picked out the students he saw with potential, or with powerful connections, and blatantly favoured them. He was much like an overgrown, balding spider, creating a powerful web around himself. And I knew amongst the many people he had connections to, there was bound to be someone on Voldemort's side. I had to be careful. We _all_ did.

"Yes, speaking of," he hesitated, glancing around the mostly empty classroom before he spoke again, his voice lowered, "I handled Mulciber and Lestrange. Thank you for reporting them, Lily,"

Slughorn was famous for having a heart as soft as his stomach when it came to punishing his own House.  
I raised my eyebrows dubiously, "A light slap on the wrist perhaps, Professor?"  
He was far too fond of me to be offended by my words, instead, he smiled, "I handed them over to Professor McGonagall. Minerva has more talent in doling out punishment than I do,"  
I couldn't help myself from gloating, "You did an excellent job, Professor. A hundred percent approval from me,"  
"They're not bad boys," he said anxiously, "But it _is_ illegal to carry Doxy blood… And I heard he called you…,"  
He trailed off uncertainly.

"Mudblood," I prompted and he winced at that word.

"Yes, yes," he dabbed at his forehead with a hankerchief, looking very uncomfortable, "That sort of action is intolerable,"  
"Thank you, Professor," I said softly, "That means a lot to me. You were very brave,"  
He flushed at that but nevertheless, seemed pleased as he puffed up proudly, "I also nominated you for the Founder's grant,"  
I blinked up at him in shock, "Sir?"  
"Lily, my girl, you are by far one of the most talented witches I have ever had the pleasure to encounter," he patted my back fondly, "You deserve it and more,"  
"Thank you, Sir," I couldn't help but smile at him, "That's an honour, especially coming from you,"  
"Me?" he asked, puzzled, "Whatever do you mean?"  
"Because you know so many talented students," I reminded him and grinned, "Does that mean I'm special?"  
"Miss Evans, of course you are!" he cried, thumping my back and I lurched against the table, "Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go to a staff meeting now,"  
He waddled out of the classroom with one last wave and I hummed to myself happily, stashing my book back into my bag.

"He adores you,"  
"They all do," I said cheerfully and winked at Elizabeth, "You adore me too,"

She smiled reluctantly, shaking her head at me.  
Founder's Grant. That was worth _four hundred_ Galleons. It was a scholarship they gave to one student in the graduating year and to be nominated for that… Wow.

It wasn't as if my father's death left us in debt or anything, no, he was a scrupulous man, but a lot of money went into my mother's hospital bills, and thank _Merlin_ Vernon was more than willing to pay for my mum's nursery home. Despite his misgivings, Vernon did seem to genuinely love Petunia, and there was nothing more that I could ask for. But there was not much money around for me save the small sum my grandparents had left me which I used to pay for my final year in Hogwarts. And I had no idea how I was going to pay for Auror training after I graduated, so it was a constant concern that played in the back of my mind.

If I received the Founder's Grant, that would change everything.

* * *

"You're in a good mood,"  
I looked up from my novel to see James leaning against the door frame, a small smile on his face. I beamed up at him and he blinked, surprise, "Whoa. you look like you were hit by a rather potent Cheering Charm,"  
"I _am_ in a good mood," I threw down my book and propped up my chin with my hands as I narrowed my eyes playfully at him, "How did you know I was here?"  
I was sitting alone in an empty Charms classroom because Hestia and Kate were engaged in a rather nasty row over shoes back in our dorm room. I had been here since dinner had ended, wanting some peace and quiet to read Wuthering Heights, one of my favourite books, away from the din of the common room.

"Magic," he smiled lazily, closing the door behind him and ducked when I tossed the book at him.

"I don't care anymore," I said defiantly, "I don't want to know,"  
"You're such a liar, Lily," James picked up the book, handing it back to me, "And if that hit me, that would have hurt,"  
"And you'd be a pathetic Quidditch Captain," I told him cheerfully, "Because I have horrid aim,"  
"Now I _have_ to know," he pulled a chair back, straddling it backwards as he watched me curiously, "What happened?"  
"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You looked… Very happy. It's almost blinding," he gestured at me and I smiled again while he just stared at me blankly.

"Because I _am_ happy," I sighed in satisfaction, closing my book dreamily, "Very,"  
"Why? Did Slughorn give you an O in your homework?" he sniggered.  
"Hardy har," I rolled my eyes, "Because Lily's entire life revolves around grades,"  
"Doesn't it?"

That git actually sounded surprised.  
"No, just _mostly_ ," I corrected before I said, the words escaping me in a rush, "Slughorn nominated me for the Founder's grant,"  
James raised his eyebrows, "Congratulations. But that's just Slughorn being in love with you, what's new about that?"  
I hit his arm indignantly, "He's not in love with me. And _Founder's Grant_ , James. That changes everything,"

He was silent for a moment, his forehead burrowed before realisation dawned onto his features.

James grimaced, looking apologetic as he ran a hand through his hair, "Sorry, Lily, I was being insensitive, wasn't I?"  
"It's nothing," I said, waving my hand dismissively and then sat up straighter, leaning closer towards him, "I want you to help me with something though,"

"What?" he asked warily.  
I explained my idea to him and he snorted when I finished.

" _Really_ , Lily?" he asked, shaking his dark head in disbelief, "Is that necessary?"  
"He's my _saviour_ ," I said, then added, "And he handed Mulciber and Lestrange to McGonagall!"

"I see Slughorn isn't alone on this love business," he shook his head, withdrawing his wand, "And you should be able to do this yourself, Lily,"  
"You're better at Transfiguration than me," I said anxiously, watching as he transformed the rock I had prepared to a fish bowl, "I don't want to muck it up,"  
"I think I might be jealous that you like Slughorn more than me," he rolled his eyes, taking the flower I had needled out of Professor Sprout. It was a perfect, white lily and I could smell its soft, sweet fragrance, wafting the air between us.  
"Oh, shut it, you," I said impatiently and tapped the bowl, filling it with a few inches of water and glanced at James expectantly. But he was frowning slightly as he stared down at the flower, his fingers stroking at the silky petals.

"You do it," he handed the flower to me and I stared at him in surprise.

"Are you angry?" I asked warily, confused by the sudden change in demeanour, "Will you feel better if I told you that I like you more than Slughorn?"  
The corners of his lips twitched into the tiniest of smiles as he shook his head, gently pressing the flower into my hand.

"I can't do it," he said simply.

"What do you mean you can't?" I asked, incredulous, "You're the best at Transfiguration!"  
"You said you wanted it to represent you," he said calmly, "I'm not you,"  
"What?" I asked in confusion but he just settled into his seat, unruffled.  
"It needs _you_ to do it, _your_ magic," he elaborated, "Or it'll just be a boring fish,"

I blew at my hair, fiddling with the end of my hair nervously, "I'm not sure if I can,"

"You can, Lily," he said with absolute certainty.

I swallowed, carefully plucking a petal off the lily and held it on my palm. The petal was so delicate, a fragile whisper resting against my skin. I picked up my wand, my eyes flickering up to James who just smiled.

He was right, I could do this.

I took a breath, relaxing my shoulders and I thought of how happy I was when Slughorn informed me of my nomination and held onto the feeling, squeezing my eyes tight. I exhaled and cast the spell, watching as the petal glowed white, drifting off my hand and landed gently onto the water.

"Do you think it worked?" I whispered, leaning closer to observe the petal floating on the water, sending ripples through the surface.

"Yes," he said without an ounce of hesitation and he lifted his wand, tapping the edge of the glass bowl carefully.

"What was that?"  
"Unshatterable charm," he tucked his wand back into his trousers.

"Thank you,"

We both stared down at the bowl in silence, watching the lily his hair brushing against mine.

"Congratulations, Lily," James said quietly, holding my gaze and I suddenly felt as if the classroom was too hot.

"It's just a nomination," I squirmed in my seat, flustered by his stare, "I probably won't-,"  
"You will," he cut me off before giving me a conspiring smile, "I know for a fact that McGonagall recommended you too,"  
I stared at him, my mouth slightly parting in surprise, "How did you know that?"  
"You might have Slughorn wrapped around your pinkie, but _I'm_ McGonagall's favourite," he said smugly and then paused before adding, "And Padfoot,"  
I smiled, fidgeting with the remnants of the flower, "It'll be nice if I can get it,"  
"You have Flitwick eating out of your palm," he rolled his eyes, "You'll be fine,"  
"Teachers love me," I conceded.

Why wouldn't they? I did their homework and actually (kind of) paid attention in class.  
"Everybody loves you," he said casually, plucking the flower from my hand and I blushed at his words.

I watched as he levitated the flower, letting it spin lazily in the air between us.

"What's the book about?" James asked, nodding to the novel I had thrown at him earlier.  
"A bunch of idiots ruining themselves because of love," I said, picking up the battered paperback, "Fun stuff,"  
"Sounds awful. Why do you read it?" he asked, holding out his hand and I passed him the book, watching as he flipped through the pages with his brows creased.

"I don't know," I said honestly, "There's just something very compelling reading about the extent people will go for love,"  
James raised his eyebrows slightly as he whistled low under his breath, "Still sounds awful,"  
"It's strange," I said absently, my eyes fixed on the flower as it began to unfurl then furl its remaining petals, "No matter how destructive it gets, being able to love is the only redeeming quality of humans,"

James was silent as he processed my words, his hazel eyes distant.

"Maybe Voldemort just needs a lot of love," James said darkly, "Maybe we need to smother him with love,"  
I laughed at that and he smiled at the sound as he flicked his wand.

I started when the flower erupted from above our head, showering the table with tiny lilies, some catching onto my hair. James reached out to pick them out carefully, his hand grazing against the skin of my cheek.

"I think you may be onto something there," I said thoughtfully.  
"About him being affection deprived?" James asked dubiously and I smiled.

"Yes," I nodded, carefully gathering the lilies into a small mound, "Voldemort probably never experienced love. It's something he doesn't understand and that's why he works so hard to destroy it,"  
James was silent, his eyes never leaving my face as I spoke. I picked up my wand from the table, gripping it tightly in my fingers.

"So maybe that's his weakness," I shrugged, meeting his gaze steadily and it surprised me, how genuinely fond I was of him now, "It's going to take more than just sheer talent and luck to defeat him, James. It's going to take dedication, patience, trust and love. All the things he doesn't have,"  
I pointed to the scattered lilies, for once, completely confident as I whispered the spell. _  
_The miniature flowers soared up at once and there was a bright flash of light that flared before it disappeared. James blinked dazedly before he looked down at his hands where there lay the lily, perfectly whole again.


	11. Chapter 11: The One with the Firewhiskey

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES**

* * *

I looked up at the sound of the door opening, ready to tease Mary for sneaking in so late but the words died on my lips as soon I took a proper look at her. Mary stood by the door, her cheeks and lips pale and devoid of colour, her eyes wide with shock. She staggered against her bed, swaying slightly on her feet and I scrambled off my bed, catching her before she could collapse.

"Mary?" I asked in alarm.

It was well past curfew and Kate and I had spent the last few hours snickering at our friend's expense, knowing full well her 'talk' with Jonathan had very little to do with conversing.

"What's wrong?" Kate was touching her cheek, her eyebrows furrowed with worry, "Mary Vance-,"  
She shook her head, cutting her off and looked up at us with dazed eyes. Kate and I exchanged worried looks over her head.

What was wrong with her?

And then she began to laugh.

The colour returned to her cheeks as she began to giggle uncontrollably, her eyes bright with mirth.

" _Lily_ ," she clutched us, dragging the two of us into a tight hug and I relaxed a fraction, my fear transforming into bafflement, " _Kate,"_

"Mary?" I asked in confusion but she just continued to laugh, a bright, happy sound, burying her face into my shoulder, her body shaking.

"Jonathan asked me to marry him," she said.  
" _What?"_ Kate shrieked, pulling away from her immediately, " _What_ did you say?"  
I just stared at her, numb with shock.

Jonathan _what_?

"He asked me to marry him!" Mary repeated, pulling away from us and I could see there were tears in her eyes, " _Me_ ,"  
She held up her hand and this time, I joined in Kate's screaming and jumping when I saw the small diamond, winking up at us from her finger.

Holy shit, oh my god, oh Merlin, holy, holy fucking _shit_.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

"I know," she was half laughing, half crying and she sank into her bed, breathless, "I said yes,"  
"No shit," Kate tackled her onto the bed, her limbs tightening around Mary's, "Oh fuck, Mary, _fuck_ ,"  
"I can't believe it," I took her hand again, examining the rock in fascination, " _Merlin_ ,"

"You're not angry?" she asked us, her voice filled with anxiety, "You don't think it's a mistake?"

Mary looked up at me from her bed, her eyes wide and a frown creasing her forehead. But all I could see was that she practically _glowing_ with happiness, her lips swollen from their three hour long 'talk', her eyes sparkling. Serious, quiet Mary had never looked so ruffled, breathless and young.

She never looked so perfect.  
"I think we're too bloody young for this, but maybe that's why it's so perfect," I laughed, joining their hug, "I've never seen you this happy before Mary, so _of course_ I'm not angry,"  
"Jonathan _is_ a brilliant Quidditch player," Kate said approvingly and she rolled over to her side to study the ring, "It's pretty,"  
"Oh yes, because _Quidditch_ is an important quality in men," I said scathingly and Kate shot me a glare.

"You don't understand," she said haughtily, "Quidditch teaches them to be patient, work well as a team and-,"  
"Have you _seen_ Sirius Black?" I snorted and Kate scowled, throwing a pillow at my face.

" _Guys_ ," Mary was laughing, "Do we have to talk about Sirius Black right now? This is _my_ moment!"

Oops.  
"Sorry, Mary," I giggled, kissing her temple as I squeezed her tightly, "I'm so happy for you,"  
Worried, but happy.

It wasn't uncommon for witches and wizards to get married early these days. In fact, Alice and Frank Longbottom were getting married next spring, and they were only a year above us. With the threat of Voldemort, looming over us like a never disappearing cloud, people were desperate for love and security whilst they could still have it. It filled me with hope and fear, hope because people were still choosing love over terror, and fear for the heartbreak they will inevitably face as Voldemort grew more powerful each day.

"Where's Hestia?" Mary asked, finally noticing the empty bed in the corner.  
"Astronomy Tower with Christian Macmillan," Kate snickered.

I smiled, snuggling into Mary's side sleepily and I reached across her stomach to squeeze Kate's hand and she returned the pressure.

I was happy, so _bloody_ happy right now and I closed my eyes, capturing this moment.

"We need to celebrate,"  
"Celebrate?" I asked warily, my eyes flying open and Kate sat up, a wild smile lighting up her pretty features.

Last time Kate went 'celebrated' Gryffindor's first win, she had ended up spending the next morning draped over the toilet bowl.

Her smile widened.

"With alcohol,"  
Oh no.

* * *

My cheeks were on fire and the world was spinning so quick, I had to lie down. I pressed my cheek against the cold, stone floor, not even sure where I was. But I didn't care. I was too happy to care.

I was so, so _stupid_.

Stupid Lily, thinking _Firewhiskey_ was bad. My sincere apologies to all the poor students I have confiscated it from over the last few years, because Firewhiskey was good.

Very good.

I giggled, rolling onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, feeling warm and content.

Where were my two, useless best friends? Why were they not here on the floor with me, admiring the dusty, wooden beams? Kate would have loved that tiny spider there in the corner of the ceiling, spinning its tiny, tiny web. Oh wait, she hated spiders. So maybe Mary would like it. Yes, Mary would like it for sure. She was a kind girl. Well, Kate was kind too, but she was very mean to spiders.

Hm.

I squinted up at it, wondering how I can possibly capture that.

I wanted to show Mary the spider, show her that the itty bitty spider was working very hard to live in a big, big world, so we too, should work hard. I was so clever, wasn't I?

"Evans?"  
I turned my head, narrowing my eyes at the figure that was coming closer and took my wand out, pointing it blindly.

"Who's there?" I slurred.

"Christ, Evans, are you drunk?" he kneeled by my side, a touch of amusement entering his voice.

I recognised that voice and I blinked up at the familiar, grey eyes that were looking down at me.

"Sirius," I sang, laughing in relief, "I was worried you might be Mulciber or something,"  
"Fuck me, I can't believe I actually lived to see this day," he burst into laughter, the sound echoing around the empty classroom.

Yes, now I remembered.

I was in the Charms classroom. I loved Charms. I loved Flitwick. If only he didn't come up to my waist, otherwise I would have fancied him like mad.

I didn't realise I was giggling to myself until I noticed Sirius' slightly worried expression.

"What?" I asked ungraciously.

"Lily, let's get up," he carefully slid an arm around my shoulders, trying to force me to sit but I refused to get up.

"No, it's too _hot_ ," I complained, firmly lying back down onto the cool stone, "I don't want to go,"  
"Evans, the floor is filthy come on, get up,"

"Only if you catch that spider for me," I pointed at the corner and Sirius turned his head, frowning.

"What spider?"  
I smacked his head and he yelped, "Lily!"  
"That one, you idiot! Are you blind?" I asked in annoyance, "Look! I want to show Mary. She'd appreciate it heaps. Can you see it, Black? Look at it _work_. Look. It's a survivor in a world that's run by something _thousand_ times their size. _I'm_ a survivor. _You're_ a survivor! It's our friend,"  
"You're nuts," Sirius said, shaking his long hair and I scowled.  
"You're useless," I pouted, crossing my arms over my stomach and continued to look at the spider in wonder, " _Incy wincy spider-,"  
_ "Prongs," Sirius was talking to a shard of glass, "We're in a bit of a situation here,"  
"Where the hell are you, Padfoot? You're meant to be looking out on the _fourth_ floor, not the Charms classroom,"  
"And you think _I'm_ crazy?" I asked, indignant.

Honestly, all _I_ was doing was lying down on the floor. He was talking to an inanimate object! Now that, by wizarding _and_ Muggle standards, was a tell tale sign of insanity.

"Is… Is that Lily?"

Wait.

Was that James? I tried to grab the mirror from him but my skin caught on the edges of the glass and I winced in pain when the sharp edges cut my skin.

"Charms classroom," Sirius said quickly, overriding James' questions when he noticed the blood that was starting to pool, "Hurry, before she starts to sing again,"  
He jammed the mirror back into his pocket before he grabbed my hand, examining it.

"You're an idiot," he said, sighing loudly as he took out his wand, " _Episkey,"_

I watched in fascination as the cut sealed immediately, the pain disappearing.

"You have your uses," I said approvingly, wiping my bloody hand on his robes and he swore.

"Christ, Lily," he sounded too exasperated to be angry though and he turned his head when the door opened, light from a wand lighting the darkness of the classroom, "Prongs, get here,"  
"Lily?"

I blinked up at James through the brightness of his wand and broke into a wide smile.

Merlin, was I glad to see him.

"James!" I said happily, reaching out for him.  
"Lily, why are you on the floor?" James sounded bewildered as he crouched down next to me. I swatted at his glasses but he pulled away before I could knock it off him.

"She's drunk," Sirius explained.  
"Why are you drunk?" he was laughing at me now, and I frowned, not appreciating his amusement at my very serious situation.

"I'm not moving until I get the spider," I said stubbornly, rolling away from James' hands.

"What is she talking about, Padfoot?" James said through his laughter.  
"This damn spider she's been waxing philosophical _poetry_ about,"  
"James," I whined, " _Spider_ ,"  
"Go get the spider," James ordered Sirius who looked outraged.

"You're _joking_ ,"

"We can't just leave her here," James said, trying to get me to stay put but I was too busy rolling around the cold floor.

The world was spinning so quickly now, it was kind of sickening.

In a funny way.

I giggled.

"Yes we can, _you_ justdon't want to. And we can take her if you must," Sirius sounded cross, "It's two against one. You just can't say no to her,"  
"Sue me, now go get the spider," James said, turning back to me.

Sirius swore again before he got to his feet, stomping over to the corner.

" _Accio spider,"  
_ "Get the right one!" I called and smiled widely when he flipped me off with a scowl.

"Now will you get up?" James asked and I nodded, letting him haul up onto my feet. I stumbled immediately as a wave of dizziness hit me, landing in James' arms.

"All right there, Lily?" he steadied me and I shook my head.  
"No, I think I'm going to throw up," I confessed and then started to laugh at the thought of throwing up on James.

Normal Lily would be mortified but I wasn't normal Lily at the moment. I had the power of Firewhiskey, and I felt better than ever.  
"I think I have a Restorative Potion in my trunk," Sirius said and thrust the jar into my hands, "Here's your damned spider,"  
I admired it for a moment before I shook my head and handed it back to him, "Release it,"

"I will _kill_ you Evans," Sirius snarled but he opened the jar anyway, letting the tiny creature crawl out.

"There, look, it doesn't belong in a jar," I glared at him, "You're cruel, forcing it into the jar,"  
"James, I think I might throttle her," Sirius looked at his friend desperately but James was too busy grinning.

"Lily, sh, quieten down," James whispered, gently leading me to the door, "It's not going to look good if we're caught,"  
"Why?" I asked in confusion.  
"Because we're Head Students yet one of us is plastered and we're both breaking curfew," James explained patiently, "And we're with Padfoot. Padfoot means trouble,"  
"Oi,"  
"Are they going to impeach us?" I asked, my voice quivering.

I blinked quickly against the tears that suddenly formed, clouding my vision and Sirius groaned loudly.

" _Merlin_ ,"

"No, of course not," James said soothingly and glanced at his friend, "Room of Requirement is closer,"  
"Bloody hell, Evans," Sirius said in disgust, "You owe me. _Both_ of you,"

* * *

"Where are we?" I asked stupidly.

James and Sirius led me to the seventh floor and had taken a sharp turn down a corridor I have never once been to and I watched, my headache growing as Sirius started to pace in front of a tapestry. And to my complete shock, a small, ordinary door, much similar to the door to my dormitory, appeared in front of us. Without hesitation, James opened the door, dragging me inside.

"Why… How am I in the boy's dormitory?" I asked, baffled.

We were no where in the Gryffindor Tower.

"Sorry, all I could think of," Sirius shrugged at James, who nodded and led me to a bed by the window, sitting me down.

"Room of Requirement," James said, as if that should explain everything.  
"What?" I asked blankly.

"There's a room here," James explained, his hand pressing against my forehead to check my temperature, "It becomes anything you want,"  
"What?" I repeated.

He was talking as if what he said should be perfectly obvious but my confusion was just growing.

Room of _what?_

"It's complicated," he shrugged casually, "Found it accidentally when I was running away from Filch back in first year, but if you walk past it three times, thinking about what you require, it… Yeah, it just appears,"

Wow.

Just wow.

No wonder magic messed you up, it was all too confusing.

And amazing.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Sirius leapt forward, yanking it open.

Remus peered in, his hair and robes rumpled as he held out a vial.

"Thank Merlin," Sirius snatched it from him immediately and tossed the vial at James who caught it easily.

"Here," he handed it to me but I eyed it suspiciously.

"What's that?"  
"Trust me, you'll feel a lot better," he told me, a lopsided smile on his face and I frowned.

"But I feel _great_ ," I insisted but he firmly placed the cold glass in my hands.  
"Is she really drunk?" Peter asked curiously, slipping in after Remus and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not," I assured him but Sirius snorted loudly, "I'm _not_ ,"  
"Just drink," James ordered and I scowled, raising the glass to my lips. I quickly drank the cold, slightly bitter potion, the liquid coursing down my throat quickly and I grimaced as I swallowed.

"Feeling better?" he asked after a moment of expectant silence.  
The world wasn't spinning anymore and the muted buzz in my ears had disappeared. Along with the inability to feel shame.

Oh no.

"Oh god," I whispered, mortified and James' smile widened.

"Still want your spider?" Sirius asked sarcastically and I groaned, collapsing into the bed. I hid my face into the pillow when I heard James laugh.

"I'm sorry," I said, my cheeks hot with embarrassment, "Oh Merlin, I'm never drinking again,"  
"That's what they all say," Sirius chuckled.

"Your robes," I said sadly, noting the bloodied stain on his leg, "I… I'm so sorry,"  
"You better be," he said, but he was too busy grinning to look angry, "Why were you drinking?"  
"We were meant to be celebrating," I mumbled, looking away from James' eyes, "I don't know how I ended up in the Charms classroom, but oh Merlin,"  
"Celebrating?"  
"Wood proposed to Mary," I explained and the four sported identical looks of shock.

"No way," Peter spluttered, "Jonathan?"  
"He did, that's why we were celebrating," I said glumly, wrapping the blankets around me more securely. The bed was shockingly comfortable and the sheets smelled clean and familiar.

Like James.

Hm.

This must be his bed.

The thought made me blush for some reason.

"He's mad," Sirius shook his head, "He's only what, seventeen?"

I nodded absently.

"Hey," I frowned, realising something, "Why doesn't he share dorms with you? Did you guys kick him out?"

I accompanied the question with an accusing glare at the four boys. They immediately shook their heads.  
"No," James said quickly, "He was in our dorm until last year. But then his younger brother entered Hogwarts and it was just after they lost their dad. And Thomas has problems with nightmares and such so Jonathan moved in with him,"  
"He was an Auror," Sirius said flatly and I closed my eyes.

Another casualty in the war.

"It's getting worse," I shook my head, feeling sick, "People we know…,"  
"I can't wait till I graduate," Sirius was scowling as he kicked mutinously at the floor, "I hate being here doing nothing,"  
"But you might get killed," Peter said softly and squirmed when Sirius shot him a furious glare.

" _Killed_?" he asked angrily, "Guess what, people are already dying, Pete! And we're doing _nothing_ about it. It's our war too,"

"But-," Peter began but Sirius cut him off with a sneer.

"Don't assume that I am a coward like you,"

Peter flinched violently at that, his eyes dropping to his lap and the rest of us stared at Sirius, me in shock, Remus in quiet disappointment and James in anger.

"Sirius, shut the fuck up," James said flatly and turned to Peter, his expression soft, "Ignore him, Wormy, we know all Padfoot is a bitter ratbag. You're not a coward. You're a _Gryffindor_ ,"  
Peter nodded, a tiny movement of his head but still refused to look up. James and Remus glared at Sirius who just shrugged, but I could see the uneasy guilt in his eyes.

"Peter, the fact that you're _here_ and not with them is enough," I said softly, reaching over to squeeze his pale, plump hands, "You don't have to be fighting in the front lines to be brave or to make a difference. Your support is worth more than you know,"  
"I don't want to die," Peter whispered.

"I know," James said, his expression gentle, "And there's nothing wrong with that. _I_ don't want to die either. Not everyone has a death wish, you know,"  
He directed the last sentence at Sirius with a pointed look.

Oh, honestly, they were like bloody children.

"You're _not_ going to die," I said firmly, ignoring the scowls James and Sirius exchanged, "Because you have James, Remus and even that prat Sirius, who will always be by your side, fighting with you, fighting _for_ you. You know that, don't you?"  
He looked up, his face miserable as he nodded and he said helplessly, "I just can't help but feel as if we're climbing an upwards hill,"

"Peter," Remus laughed, but not unkindly, "It's a _war,"_  
"But...," Peter trailed off uncertainly, his eyes flickering between the four of us.

"Better to be on the losing side than Voldemort's," James said, shaking his messy head, "Everything we love and know will come to an end if he takes power. I'd rather die fighting than submit to that foul son of a bitch,"  
"Dying," Peter moaned, covering his eyes, "See? _Dying_ ,"

"Peter," I couldn't help but laugh at his dramatics, "It'll be okay. Just do what your heart tells you to do, and it'll be fine. Because I know you have a good heart,"

"I agree with that," Sirius said gruffly and Peter looked surprised by that statement.

"Do you?" he asked uncertainly and we nodded not a trace of doubt in our reply.

He smiled at that but I don't know why we couldn't see it, why the three boys who were meant to know Peter Pettigrew inside out, could not see the doubt and guilt that shadowed his watery blues eyes.

Maybe if we had noticed it earlier, maybe if we didn't dismiss his nervousness as paranoia…

Then maybe the ending to our stories would have been different.

* * *

 **Hurray for a new chapter! Sorry it's a bit shorter this time round and sorry that I haven't been updating as much as usual. The site was being an idiot and also, I'm crazy busy with assessments and clinic placements at university. But don't worry, I won't abandon this as it's my only creative outlet/stress relief. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me and I'll try answer them asap. Once again, thanks for your support, I appreciate every follower, favourite and review I receive.**

 **Until next time**

 **-G**

 **P.S I like reviews about as much as James fancies Lily (which if you haven't guessed already, is a lot)**


	12. Chapter 12: The One at Hogsmeade

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"Lily Evans, you slag," was what Kate greeted me with when I opened the door to our dormitory the next morning. James had insisted that I stayed in the Room of Requirement to sleep and when I tried to argue against him, he said that I was just going to get caught by Filch and then die from self loathing when I received the first detention of my life.

Which was _not_ true.

I think.

Sirius and the rest of the boys seemed to find my vehement denial rather hilarious.

"How about _you_ guys?" I asked in annoyance, crossing my arms over my stomach, "It's not like you guys can stay here,"  
"Why not? We can have a sleepover," Sirius sat down on the bed next to me and tugged at the end of my hair, "Braid our hair,"

"Paint our nails," Remus added.

"Talk about blokes," Peter was smiling now, having broken out of his funk.

They stared expectantly at James who shrugged helplessly, "Eat?"  
"You're rubbish," Sirius said, slapping him over the head with a pillow, "Such a shame to the Marauders. I put forward the motion that James Potter should be kicked out of our highly esteemed group,"  
"I disagree, James is so much more pleasant than you, Padfoot," Remus said thoughtfully whilst Sirius scowled.

"Shut _up_ ," I said in exasperation when he opened his mouth to argue, "Quit it, you idiots,"  
"We're not going to stay," James rolled his eyes, tossing the pillow back at me, "Don't worry, Lil,"  
"You won't get caught by Filch?" I asked anxiously and then glared at him, "It's bad enough you're receiving detentions-,"  
"Sh, I think I prefer you drunk," James said, clamping a hand over my mouth and I bit him, " _Ow_ ,"  
"You deserved that,"  
"I guess so," he said ruefully, shaking his hand, "But don't worry, you of all people should know that I know the school and its inhabitants _quite_ well,"  
I narrowed my eyes at the glee in his voice, daring me to ask.

"I'm not going to ask,"  
"Because you already know the answer," James said cheerfully, " _Magic_ ,"  
He and the rest of the Marauders were still laughing hysterically as they left the Room of Requirement, leaving me infuriated.

I had fallen asleep soon after that, drowsy from the alcohol I had consumed.

"Slag?" I asked doubtfully, throwing myself into my bed, "I don't think I agree with that,"  
"Where were you last night?" she hopped into my bed, drawing the curtains shut after her to avoid the half curious, half disdainful look Hestia was throwing us. Hestia, for once on a Saturday, had decided to stay in bed rather than go out and do whatever social people did on the weekend.

"Where's Mary?" I asked, ignoring Kate's question.

"With Jonathan," she said, poking my ribs, "Stop evading my question, Lily. Were you with James last night?"  
I spluttered, " _James_? Why would I be with James?"  
"I don't know," Kate said cryptically, "Why wouldn't you be?"  
"I was in the Charms classroom," I muttered, looking away from her, "Talking to a spider,"

"And that is where you spent the night?"

It should worry me that Kate didn't even bat an eye when I told her I had been talking to a spider, but I was too tired to care.

"No, Sirius found me," I said grudgingly, and then frowned, "How did he find me?"  
Oh Merlin, please don't tell me Sirius and James _both_ had that ridiculous ability to know the location of people in Hogwarts. It was bad enough with James lording it over me, but _Sirius_ was a pain in the arse.

"I hope you have better taste than to fancy my barmy cousin," Kate looked disgusted.

" _Ew_ ,"

Please.

Sirius might be good looking and I _supposed_ he was charming in a slightly off the charts way, but I was not the type to fancy blokes who belonged in an asylum, strapped to a chair. Or a bloke who, you know, had the emotional and mental capacity of a child.

"Don't you think he's rather fetching?" Kate asked innocently.  
"Sirius?" I asked in disbelief, "Kate, he's your cousin,"

"No, _James_ ," she smacked me leg.

I eyeballed her from the corner of my eyes, "Do you fancy James?"  
She burst into laughter at that, rolling around my bed whilst hooting like a downright idiot.

"Me? _James?"_ she choked out through her giggles, "No _way_ ,"  
"Why not?" I asked curiously, "You two get along, and like you said, James is decent bloke,"  
"I don't know, it's just weird," Kate shrugged, lifting her hands to examine her nails, "It's like you fancying, I don't know, Remus,"  
"I can see that," I said thoughtfully.

Remus was a nice bloke, he was smart and handsome and kind.

There really was a lack of good men around Hogwarts.

"And everyone knows there no real point in liking James," Kate said, her tone matter of fact as she rolled onto her stomach. Her dark hair tumbled down her shoulders and for the millionth time since I had first met Kate, I was jealous of her perfect, beautiful hair.

Stupid, perpetually tangled red hair.

I frowned, "Why?"

Instead of replying, Kate stared at me with a blank expression on her face, her brows creased.

"Er, Kate?"  
"Sometimes I forget you're stupid," Kate sighed gustily.

"Hey-,"

"Oh be quiet, Lily. Honestly, I don't know how he does it," Kate shook her head, scrambling up, "Merlin, _I_ want to rip my hair out in frustration,"

Was she still drunk?

What the hell was she rambling on about?  
"Kate, what are you talking about?" I asked patiently.

"Just think about it, okay?" she kicked the curtains open, "And Lily, come find me, no, go find _him_ when you finally get it,"

* * *

"Whoa, easy does it, Evans," James was laughing as he steadied me when I had crashed into him on the staircase down to the common room.

"Sorry," I said guiltily, rubbing at my nose before I added with a grin, "I'm surprised it's not Sirius,"  
"Disappointed?" he teased, letting go of me and I rolled my eyes.

"Hardly," I snorted and I sighed, "I would have stayed in bed longer if it weren't for the fact that Kate seems slightly cross with me,"  
"Kate?" he raised his brows, "Since when is Kate ever cross with anyone?"  
"I don't know," I frowned, rubbing at my forehead tiredly.

A headache was forming and I was beginning to really, _really_ regret last night.

"She saying I'm blind and stupid or something," I explained, hopping down the staircase, two at a time and beamed, proud that I didn't trip or fall.

And she keeps mentioning a boy," I added.  
"A boy," he repeated slowly.

I scowled a little at the surprise in his voice.

Yes, even just the _mention_ of a boy and Lily Evans, Gryffindor's resident shrew, was something of surprise.

Hardy har _har._

I really, really needed to work on my social skills.

"I don't know how Kate works," I shrugged.

"Probably some poor bloke fancies you but you can't even tell," he said thoughtfully and I frowned at the pensive expression on his face.

I snorted at that, "Who'll fancy me? I barely even _see_ people these days. Unless you're the Professors or the Prefects,"  
"Probably one of them then," he smiled at me slyly, his eyes twinkling, "I always thought you had some tension with Flitwick,"  
"Lucky he didn't find me last night then," I laughed at the thought, "Probably would have snogged him,"  
"Is that what you like? Short and grumpy?"  
"Don't make fun of my bloke," I said defensively and he let out a surprised laugh.

"Careful there, Evans, I think I may get jealous,"  
"You should, Filius is _brilliant_ ,"

James rolled his eyes at that and I giggled, starting down the Great Staircase.

"How's your hangover?" he asked.  
"No hangover, thanks to you," I nudged his side with my elbow, "Thanks for the potion,"

"Thank Sirius for it, not me," James said as he pushed open the portrait open for me, "He's not happy because it was his last one. He has to nick more from the Hospital Wing and Merlin knows how vicious Pomfrey can get,"  
"Maybe you guys should quit getting roaring drunk then," I shot back and he levelled me with a look.

"That's a bit rich coming from you, isn't it Evans?"

I refused to blush at that.

I had _nothing_ to be ashamed of. Except maybe for wiping blood on Sirius' leg.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Potter," I sniffed and he laughed.

"You should sing more, Lily," he sniggered, "Your song about the spider was spiffing. Utterly wonderful. Sirius is bugging Remus to teach him the lyrics,"

Oh Merlin.  
"You two are such prats,"  
"Ingrate, aren't you?" he asked as we sat down on the Gryffindor bench, "Should have just left you to be caught by Flitwick that night. Probably would have given him a heart attack,"  
"You two were _cheating_ ," I huffed, pulling the plate of mash towards me and heaped a pile onto my plate, "Because you… You have some ability to stalk every bloody person in the castle,"  
"I told you, Lily," he said calmly, inspecting a plate of chicken before he loaded it onto his plate, "It's magic,"  
"Shut it, Potter, or I will dump the juice on you," I threatened, picking up the pitcher.  
He clucked his tongue disapprovingly, snatching it away from me before I could make true to my words "So bloody violent, Lily, does your mother know you're like this?"  
James stiffened as soon as the sentence left his mouth and I bit down on my lower lip when I caught the aghast look on his face. His eyes flickered down to mine immediately.

"Merlin, Lily," he ran a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I was being insensitive-,"  
"James," I smiled at him gently, "You were just playing, I know you weren't trying to be an arse or anything,"

I wasn't angry at all, I was far from that, I was too busy feeling guilty about the fact that _he_ knew about my mother whilst I had no clue about his parents.

"Still," he sighed gustily, stabbing at the meat with his fork gloomily, "How is she?"  
"She's doing well," I said, the words falling out of my mouth easily, much to my surprise.

For some reason, talking to James about my family wasn't as difficult as it was with others. In fact, I never talked about them to anyone. I hated the pity I received, the sympathetic and awkward pats on the back and hugs were unbearable. But James' concern felt more genuine.

"I got a letter from Petunia a couple of days ago," I informed him, nibbling at the asparagus, "Exactly three lines long. _She's doing well. Stay at your school for Christmas. Bye_ ,"

James winced, "Ouch,"  
"You get used to it," I shrugged lightly before I sighed, my appetite suddenly vanishing, "I'm lying. It doesn't get better at all,"  
We sat in silence for a long moment, both staring at our still full plates.

I wish I could mend my relationship with Petunia, I really did. At first, I thought she was simply jealous and slightly frightened of magic, and maybe, at some point when we were younger, it was just that. But now, it was something more, something worse. She wouldn't even look at me in the eye anymore…

And she was my only family now. It was horrible to say this, but I couldn't really count on my mother anymore, she was too fragile now.

"Alright, I need a new plan," James broke the silence, grimacing, "You going to eat?"  
"Nope," I shook my head.

"Come on then," he stood up, dragging me up with him firmly, "Let's go,"

"Where?" I asked in confusion as he led me down the Great Hall, completely immune to the stares we were receiving by the other students.

"James," I was laughing now, mostly in confusion than anything else, "Where are you taking me?"  
"Hogsmeade,"  
" _Hogsmeade?"_ I skidded to a stop

I looked up at him in disbelief but he just nodded impatiently, taking my hand in his again.

"James," I said slowly, enunciating my words carefully in case he had forgotten, "It's not Hogsmeade weekend today,"

"I know that," he was taking me towards the direction of our dormitories again and I struggled to keep up with his brisk pace. Why was this bloke so bloody tall?

Merlin, he really was mad, wasn't he?

"James," I was laughing again at the determination in his face, "Why are we going to Hogsmeade again?"  
"I mucked up our day, so I'm going to fix that. Plenty of hours left in the day and all," he said stubbornly and glanced at the waiting portrait of the Fat Lady, "Acid Pops,"  
"Indeed," she said, smiling down at the two of us with bemusement as she swung back to reveal the portrait hole.  
"At Hogsmeade?" I squeaked, "That means we're going to be breaking the rules! We're Head students, James,"

My hand was still in his when we entered the common room, and it unnerved me just how natural it felt to be holding hands with James. I flushed when Kate looked up from the magazine she was reading from her sprawled position on an armchair, raising her eyebrows at us.

"Something you forgot to tell me, Lily?" she nodded at our hands and my blush deepened as I shook his hand away.

"It's not my fault James is so grabby," I muttered and James just laughed.

"I'll be right back," he said, "Do you need to go get anything? You might need a cloak,"  
"Where are you two going?" she narrowed her eyes at us and I shrugged helplessly.

"It's a mission, Katy," James explained as he made his way towards the staircase, "Because I have committed a great sin against Lily,"  
"Did you finally snog her?" she smirked.

Honestly, as if anyone could doubt that Sirius and she were related.  
Heat pooled into my cheeks immediately and James smiled ruefully but I could see that the tip of his ears were red.

"Nothing as exciting as that, unfortunately," James replied smoothly and looked over his shoulder at me, "Come to the dorm, yeah?"  
"Lily Zoe _Evans_ ," Kate sprang up from her seat as soon as he left, all but tackling me, "What is going on?"  
"I don't know," I said honestly, "I really don't,"  
"Where are you going?" she demanded but I shook my head again.

"I don't know," I repeated, before I added, "Hogsmeade?"  
"Why did he invite you to his dorm?" she asked.  
"Kate, you're really over analyzing this," I said in exasperation, making my way to our dorm and she trailed after me, "He probably has something to show or tell me,"  
"What, his _wand_? Or did he finally get the balls to tell you that he's in love with you?" Kate asked innocently and I hit her arm.  
"Why do you always do this?" I asked in annoyance, throwing the door open and ignored Mary's surprised look, "It's just _James_ ,"

"Oh, bloody hell, Lily!" she cried, throwing up her hands, "What is _wrong_ with you? Where is that brain everyone keeps fucking raving about?"  
I stared at her in stunned silence.

Kate and I rarely argued, we were far too playful for that. It was usually Mary, the quiet, sensible one, who got annoyed at our antics.

"What?" I finally managed.

"Just take your cloak," she said crossly, tossing it at me, "And Merlin hopes you finally manage to open your eyes,"

"You okay, Lily?" James asked carefully.

* * *

I had stormed into their dormitory, throwing myself onto his bed without a single word.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Why is a girl in our dorm?" he pointed a finger at me, and then cocked his head slightly, "Well, I _think_ she's a girl,"  
"Oh, shut up, Black," I said half heartedly, watching as James picked up his knapsack from the floor, "You're really not as funny as you think you are,"  
"That's a lie, I'm hilarious," he prodded me gingerly with his toe, "What's with your face?"  
"He means your expression," Remus said hastily when I started to scowl.

"Kate's being an arse," I said, sitting up and looked at Sirius, "Why is she being an arse?"  
"How the bloody fuck am I meant to know?" Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing a magazine from the floor and settled down next to me, "You birds are insane,"

"What did Kate say?" Remus asked kindly.

Thank god for Remus Lupin.  
"Something about me being stupid and blind," I repeated dully and sighed, "She's being saying that a lot recently,"  
"Well, you are _a bit_ stupid and- _Ouch_ ," Sirius rolled away from me when I hit him over the head with his magazine, " _Prongs_ ,"  
"You sort it out, I'm not getting involved," James shrugged and Sirius looked at him in outrage.

"Well, my dear cousin is onto something," Sirius was still looking at James, a sly smirk curving his lips, "You are rather an unobservant witch, Evans. Not _stupid_ , per say, but just too caught about in your own world,"  
He turned to face me, his head propped onto his hand, "Really not your fault though. Everyone knows you're like that yet the bloke doesn't even make a move!"  
"What _bloke_?" I asked in frustration, "There is no bloke! Unless you count Jeremy Fawkes but he's fifth year,"

The fifth year Gryffindor prefect came to our last meeting with an enormous bouquet of, yes, you guessed it, _lilies_. And then he proceeded to profess his undying love for me before asking me to be his girlfriend. Very loudly too. In a roomful of Prefects. I supposed it wasn't kind of me to start laughing like I did, but I couldn't help it, he was so adorably earnest with his sticking up blonde hair and baby blue eyes.

And he barely came up to my shoulders.

"Nah, Fawkes was at least outright about it," Sirius was smirking, "This fellow is a coward,"  
James rolled his eyes, "Come on, Lil, let's go,"  
"Wait, do you know who it is?" I asked, grabbing Sirius' arm and his smile widened.

"I _think_ I do," he rubbed at his jaw, "Actually, I do know. And I want to punch his face in for being such a pansy,"  
"Can you tell me?" I asked hopefully, "Then maybe I can talk to him and Kate would stop being so annoyed,"  
"Oh no, that's cheating," he said cheerfully, "Isn't that right, Prongs?"  
James, for some reason, was glaring at Sirius mutinously, "Lily, let's go,"  
"Not so fast!" Sirius was up onto his feet, blocking the exit, "You're going to show her the map? Sorry, Mister Prongs, you show it to her in front of _all_ of us,"  
"Wormtail isn't here!" he argued.  
"What map?" I asked blankly and Sirius smiled wolfishly.

"Lily Evans, you are in for a surprise," he said and James rolled his eyes as Sirius reached into James' bag, drawing out a tattered piece of parchment.

"A map?" I asked dubiously, holding the blanket piece of parchment in my hands.

"No, let's see if she can work it out," Remus said, stopping James from doing whatever he was going to do. He gave me an encouraging smile, "Go on, Lily,"

I took out my wand uncertainly, " _Revelio,"  
_ Sirius snickered at that, "Please, Evans, what do you take us for?"  
I glared at him before biting down on my lip, trying to think. A map? A map of _what_?

Wait.

No… No way.

That wasn't possible.

I glanced up at the three boys who were all smiling and chuckling, clearly enjoying my confusion. Was it possible though? The Marauders, sans Peter (sorry Pete), were all brilliant and capable wizards… But this map couldn't _possibly_ be what I am thinking of. Though it would explain a lot. I could still remember the night, now almost two months ago, with vivid clarity. James had asked me to turn around and had _definitely_ taking something out of his pocket and said…

I cleared my throat.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I said quietly, tapping the parchment with my wand and heard Remus and Sirius suck in a quick, shocked breath. But I was too transfixed onto the transforming parchment as furls of ink started to spread across its surface.

"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, purveyors of aids to magical mischief makers are proud to present," I read quietly, "The Maurader's map,"  
And then the writing faded, revealing an intricate map, filled with corridors, staircases and hallways and classrooms…

And moving, labelled dots. In the Gryffindor tower, there were four dots, _L. Evans, J. Potter, S. Black and R. Lupin_.

I closed my eyes.

Oh Merlin.

"You guys," I said, opening my eyes again, "Are completely, fucking _brilliant_ ,"  
"How did you know?" Sirius looked put out and scowled, "James told you?"  
"No," James was grinning proudly, "You forgot that Lily is also a completely, fucking brilliant witch,"  
My cheeks warmed at that and I looked back down onto the parchment in amazed silence.

"You figured it out by hearing him say it once?" Remus asked, laughing a little, "Admit it, Padfoot, you're impressed,"

"Fine," Sirius peered over my shoulder, "So, what do you think, Evans?"  
"The Prefect inside me is dying," I informed him, "Throwing a big old tantrum because we had no _chance_ with you having this.., How did you make it? A Homonculous Charm? But that's _really_ complicated and-,"

"You're such a dork, Lil," James said cheerfully, "Is that the first thing you think about? The theory behind the map? You don't look at it and see all the _possibilities_?"

"Of you four wrecking havoc?" I sneered, shrugging his arm away.

My eyes were fixed onto the parchment and I tapped James' arm in excitement, "I didn't know Malcolm was with Dorothy! I thought she was dating Quinton!"

The two dots were almost on top of each other in the Astronomy Tower.

The three rolled their eyes in unison.

"And it's Professor Dumbledore!" I giggled gleefully, pointing at the map, "He's in the bathroom!"  
"Christ, Lily," James was laughing too, "I haven't corrupted you enough yet, eh?"  
"What do you mean?" I pouted when he gently extracted the map from my hands.

"Mischief managed," James said and I watched in wonder as the map wiped clean. He folded it, placing it into the pocket of his robes.

"What James means is that you don't see the _endless_ naughtiness you can get up to thanks to this map," Sirius said, tickling my cheek with the end of my hair, "Frankly, I'm quite disappointed too,"  
"I'm Head Girl," I reminded them, "A shrill, prudish shrew, remember?"  
"Yes, I remember, I'm just shocked that you knew," Sirius said and I scowled.

"Unlike you, Black, I am self aware," I said.  
"I don't know what you could possibly mean, I know I'm dashingly handsome and charming,"  
I snorted at that and turned to James, "So… Hogsmeade?"  
"Hogsmeade," James grinned, "I'm surprised you're going along with it,"

"Well, it _is_ the weekend and we don't have classes," I shrugged, "And I'm curious to see how you can leave the castle, undetected,"  
"Oh, Evans," Sirius said happily, throwing an arm around my shoulder, "Get ready to open your eyes to a whole new, _fantastic_ world,"  
"He's being dramatic," Remus assured me but he was grinning, "Have fun, Lily. Buy me a Sugar Quill, will you?"

"Come on, let's go, it gets dark pretty quickly now," James ordered, pushing my back towards the door but Sirius didn't budge.

"No,"

"Padfoot," James said in exasperation, "Move it, you sod,"  
"I need to teach a lesson to the two of you," Sirius puffed out his chest, "One, our dormitory is _not_ Madam Puddifoot's where you can charge in whenever you want to see lover boy,"

I opened my mouth to protest against ' _lover boy'_ but he clamped his hand over my mouth before I could speak. I considered biting him too, like I did with James before I remembered that Sirius was nowhere near as polite as James was. He would most probably bite me back.

"And two, because you both need a kick in the arse to get going, because Merlin, you're driving me nuts," Sirius finished, removing his hand from my mouth, "Alright, Lily?"  
"I have absolutely no idea what you just said," I told him honestly and he chuckled indulgently.

I wasn't sure if I liked Sirius in a good mood. He seemed more dangerous, if that was even possible.

"Course you don't you daft bird," he tapped my nose playfully, "If you want to leave, Lily, you need to kiss one of the blokes here,"  
I stared at him in disbelief, " _What_?"  
"You heard me," he was clearly enjoying himself and he winked at someone behind me, "Do you feel the kick yet?"  
What the _fuck_.

"I am not kissing any of you!" I spluttered.

"Oh, stop being a prude, Evans, it's just a kiss, surely you've done it before," he drawled, leaning lazily against the door, "And we're all fine looking men, even if Remus does transform into a wolf each month,"  
Remus sighed, "Padfoot,"

"Lily, ignore him," James shook his head, "Move, Sirius,"

But Sirius just ignored him, grinning down at me challengingly. I could see it in his eyes that he didn't really expect me to go through with it, that he thought it was so bloody hilarious watching me squirm, red faced and embarrassed.  
To hell with that.

I raised myself onto my toes, yanking Sirius down by the front of his uniform and kissed him quickly before I pulled away.

He stared at me, his expression frozen with complete shock and I shoved his still body out of the way, unable to keep the triumphant grin from my face.

Suck on that, Sirius Black.

"You're insane," I informed him, opening the door, "Really, really insane,"

* * *

"You didn't have to do that, you know,"

"You're speaking to me now?" I asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

Ever since we had left their dormitory, James had not spoken a single word, no matter how hard I tried to coax him into conversation, replying with only a few curt nods and grunts.

"You didn't have to snog him," James shook his head, "Sirius was just being a prat,"  
"I know," I said slowly, fighting to keep the frustration from overflowing, "But I wanted to prove to him that I'm _not_ just some stupid prude he can mess around with,"  
"He wasn't messing with you," James said quietly, turning down the corridor and I stay rooted in my spot, staring after him in growing confusion and anger.

Really, at this rate, I was cross at all the seventh years in our entire _House_ , save Mary and Peter.

"Why don't you guys just tell me what's going on?" I asked, running after him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to a stop when he didn't turn around. Merlin, this boy was so bloody strong.

"James," I pleaded.

Why was he being like this for?  
"What?" he asked, his eyes still away from mine and I sighed.  
"I don't want to go to Hogsmeade if you're going to be like this," I shook my head and looked up at him pleadingly, "Weren't we going so we could feel _better_?"  
James was silent.

I closed my eyes in resignation and was just about to turn around and walk away when James sighed.

He finally tore his eyes from the floor, looking back at me as he nodded.

"You're right," he said, running his fingers through his dark hair, "You're right, Lily,"

"I'm always right," I said, relieved when I saw him relax, the warmth in his eyes returning, "And Merlin, Potter, you're almost as moody as Sirius,"

He smiled reluctantly at that, "I guess I am a little, aren't I?"

"No wonder you two are best mates," I shook my head at that and looped my arm with his, "Lead the way, Potter,"

"James," he corrected, starting to walk again, "I'm sick of Potter,"  
"That's your name though," I said in confusion, "What is your obsession about me calling you James? Kate calls you Potter all the time,"

"After six straight years of hearing it said with such scathing loath, you really begin to dislike your own name," James smiled ruefully at that and I blushed.

"Why did you have to be such an arse then?" I asked teasingly, pinching his arm.  
"Please, you wouldn't have given me the time of the day whether I was an arse or not," he rolled his eyes.

"That's not true," I argued immediately.  
"Because of Snape," James shrugged carelessly, "He was your friend. You would have chosen him over me,"

I was silent at that. James was right. Severus _hated_ James for reasons that even to this day I was unsure of. And it didn't help that the Marauders, save Remus who honestly wasn't much better than the rest, bullied the hell out of Severus. They were _both_ unnecessarily cruel to each other, and I remembered the crushing disappointment I had felt when I saw Severus use _Sectumsempra_ against James. It was one thing to use _Levicorpus_ or to jinx them, but I knew what that spell could do. If James hadn't dodged in time, it could have killed him. But that disappointment disappeared when James sprang forward, ploughing his fist into Snape's face, throwing him to the ground.

James was, if nothing, a creative bloke and seemed to appreciate the fine arts of fisticuffs more than the average wizard did. In fact, I had thought with amusement as I had fixed Snape's broken nose, I hadn't ever met a wizard or a witch who resorted to actually _beating_ someone up rather than using magic. The result of being mates with Black, that was for sure.

"Well, he's not my friend anymore," I said softly, "You are though,"  
"I feel ridiculously pleased about that for some reason," James laughed, "Embarrassing really, since he's Snivellus,"  
I sighed, "He was a decent bloke,"  
"If you say so," James said dubiously before he tugged me towards the clock tower.

"Er, James?" I asked, "Don't tell me you're going to jump out of the clock tower,"  
"Lily, your imagination never cease to amaze me," he chuckled, "Do I look like I have a death wish?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked.

Some of the stunts and pranks James and the rest of the Marauders made me really question if their lifelong ambition was to _die_ before they reached twenty. I remembered back in third year, James had levitated Sirius off the Astronomy Tower, carefully floating him down to the Quidditch pitch. Even though he had landed quite hard on his head, Sirius had bounded up immediately, keen for another go.

Mad bunch of loons.  
"Sh," he took out the map, muttering the words quickly and frowned, rubbing at his jaw as he examined it.

"Alright, looks like Filch is in the Entrance Hall, probably telling off some juniors for breathing," James muttered absently to himself, "Dammit, why are there so many people in the study area?"  
"Because exams?" I peeked over his shoulder and he sighed.

"Always an answer," he said and I swatted at his hair.

"Our exit is here," he pointed to the end of the fourth floor corridor, "But a few students keep going in and out. They'll see us,"  
"No other exit out?"

"There are seven, actually," James replied and smiled crookedly when my mouth fell open, "This one leads us exactly where I want to go,"  
"Which is?"  
"A surprise," he closed the map, shoving it in his pockets, "Alright, Lily. Since you made a leap of faith by trusting me enough to follow me out of Hogwarts, when for all you know, I might kill you and then bury you in the Forbidden Forest-,"  
"What?" I laughed at the absurdity of it all, "Kill _me?_ What makes you think you can take me on?"  
"I don't know, want to find out?" he asked, spinning his wand between his fingers lazily, his smile insouciant.  
"Silly James, we can't lose a Head Boy," I said condescendingly, "Dumbledore will have to go through the trouble to find a new one,"  
"Cocky little thing, aren't you?" he rolled his eyes, " _As_ I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, Lily Evans, I have decided that I too, can trust you,"  
"Um. Okay?"  
"Prepare to be blown away," James said dramatically and reached into his bag to take out a silvery cloak.

"Um, nice cloak, Potter. Really goes well with your eyes," I said uncertainly, squinting at the cloak. It was made of a strange, flowing material, seeming to ripple like water at every touch.

"Sarcasm, Lily Evans, is the lowest form of wit," James grinned widely before he swung the cloak over himself, disappearing.

I could hear him laugh when my mouth fell open, my eyes bugging out in shock, even though I couldn't see him.

"What the _fuck_ , James," I breathed when he appeared again, his head floating in the air eerily, "Is that an Invisibility Cloak?"  
"Is there anything you _don't_ know?" James grumbled, shucking the cloak off and handed it to my eagerly outstretched hands.

The cloak felt exactly as it looked, smooth, almost slippery in my fingers and feather light.

"I read a lot," I said as an explanation, "Like, a _lot_ ,"

It was actually quite embarrassing, really, the amount of books I had stacked in my room, both at home and at my dorm room. Hestia and Kate were forever stumbling over them, stubbing their toes on the large, heavy tomes of books I had scattered around our room. I had received a fair share of threats and swears over the few years because of them.  
"I believe you," James chuckled, "Now, quit gawking at it. We should make a move on,"  
"Where in Merlin did you find this, James?" I asked in wonder, letting him draw me close as he threw the cloak over the two of us, "These are incredibly rare, aren't they?"  
"Family heirloom," he gently guided me, "You might want to shuffle your feet a bit, Lily, rather than stomp around. There really is no point in being invisible if the whole bloody castle can hear you,"

I immediately quietened my footfalls guilty

Hm. I had forgotten momentarily how filthy rich James' family was. Honestly, what sort of families had _heirlooms_?

"What are we doing here?" I whispered to James.

We were standing in front of large mirror that rested inconspicuously against the wall at the end of the corridor, hanging in between several tapestries. In fact, I wouldn't have noticed it and would have dismissed it as one of Hogwarts' many decorations, if James hadn't stopped in front of it.

I watched as James glanced over his shoulder, making sure that no one was in the corridor with us, before he reached out, tapping the surface of the mirror with his wand. My lips parted when the mirror's surface disappeared, changing into a door.

"James," I breathed in wonder and he just flashed me a quick grin before twisting open the handle.

"How did you find this place?" I asked curiously, watching as the entrance disappeared, "Lumos,"  
The light that we were standing in a large room with high ceilings, devoid of any windows.

"Better half of our second and first years was dedicated to exploring the castle back to front," James explained and started to walk towards the back of the room, "We spent nights just sneaking around, testing everything,"  
"You guys are awful,"  
"No, we're wonderful," he corrected.

"I hate you, I really do," I moaned, "All the years I spent scolding you four... I had no idea at _all_ what you guys were really up to, didn't I?"  
"Nope, not even half," he laughed when I covered my eyes with my hands.

"Don't be too harsh on yourself, Evans," James said in faux sympathy, "We're more than just looks you know,"  
"Even Peter?" I asked, dropping my hands and felt immediately guilty for asking. But I couldn't _help_ it. James, Remus and Sirius were all perfectly brilliant wizards but Peter…  
"Wormy just lacks the confidence," James shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets, "He's a good wizard when he has enough conviction,"  
"Really," I said uncertainly.

I had once watched Peter set fire to his own eyebrows. Unfortunately, this was not back in first year where such accidents were quite common amongst our peers.

This happened last week.

"Yes," James laughed a little, "You're making a grave mistake underestimating, Pete. Ask Sirius. I bet you never though little Wormtail could knock Padfoot out,"  
"He _what_?" I asked in disbelief.  
"His spell _might_ have accidentally backfired, but it's the end result that matters, isn't it?" he asked cheerfully,

I hummed.

James tapped the bricks of the wall twice and I watched, fascinated as always, as the bricks folded away to form a small, passageway. I peered into the dark dubiously, glancing at James wide smile. His eyes were positively _sparkling_ with excitement.

"Come along, Evans," he took my hand, "We have a lot to do,"

* * *

"Would you rather be born a Squib or a Muggle?"

I hesitated, thinking through the question carefully before replying.

"A Muggle,"

We had spent the last ten minutes or so, asking questions back and forth as we walked in the dark tunnels, the only light coming from the ends of our wands. James had asked quite a few ridiculous questions which really made me question his sanity, but he redeemed himself by asking a few decent ones.  
James looked thoughtful, "Yeah?"  
"Being a Squib must be awful," I said, shivering slightly.

We had been travelling inside the tunnel for a good ten minutes and it was deathly cold and damp inside the darkness and I had slipped on the rocks at least twenty times.

"Being part of all the magic yet being unable to take part in it," I explained to him, "No wonder Filch is so bitter,"  
"I've met plenty of perfectly pleasant Squibs in my life," James snorted dismissively, "Filch just has a stick rammed high up his arse,"

I laughed, nudging his side, "You guys should cut him some slack, I think he aged twenty times over the last seven years because of you four,"  
"He'll miss us when we're gone," James shrugged easily, "So you'd rather be a Muggle?"  
"Because being a Muggle can be fun, I mean if you don't know about the magic world," I said and grabbed onto his arm as I tripped over a loose rock, "Sorry. Anyway, I suppose it might be horrible because I'm going to be missing out on the _incredible_ things about magic… But I'll also not know about Voldemort. Ignorance is bliss, you know?"  
"I know what you mean," James sighed, running a hand through his hair, messing it up further and I fought the urge to smooth it down.

"How about you?"  
"I'd rather be a Squib," James grinned, "Maybe I'll still have my Quidditch skills. That has nothing to do with magical ability,"  
" _Quidditch_ ," I scoffed, "Is that _all_ you care about?"  
"Quidditch, good food, good mates," he threw an arm around my shoulder, bringing me close, "What more do I need?"  
" _I_ need to get out of this tunnel," I told him, "How much longer?"  
"Don't worry, just a little longer," he assured me.  
"You said that _ten_ minutes ago," I whined and he laughed.

"Merlin, Lily, I had no idea you would be so impatient," he shook his head, "I had this whole image built up of you in the last seven years and you broke it down in all but a day,"

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect," I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be Lily, this is so much better than I ever imagined," he was still chuckling, "But I had no idea you would be so damn clumsy or so loony,"  
" _Hey_ ," I started but he just shook his head before I could complain.

"It's a good thing," he insisted, "Perfect is boring,"  
"So you thought I was boring?" I teased and he rolled his eyes.

"I thought you would be different," he smiled down at me, his eyes warm, "But I should have known. You're Lily Evans,"

"What's the supposed to mean?"  
"That you're pretty damn special," he said.

Heat flooded immediately to my cheeks at that, and even in the cold, the back of my neck was hot.

Did he really think that?

I always thought I was fairly ordinary, in fact, I _was_ pretty plain, inside out. I mean, come on, the most excitement I got this week was when I found an extra quill at the bottom of my bag. But the way James looked at me, his eyes bright, a crooked smile quirking his lips, made me wonder if maybe there was more to myself than I had realised.

"Okay, Lils," James said, apparently not noticing my embarrassment, "We're here,"  
"Where's here?" I asked suspiciously and he grinned, taking my hand before leading me to a small trapdoor.

"Patience is a virtue, Lily Evans," James chided, pushing open the trapdoor, "Should b more virtuous, don't you reckon?"  
"Sod off, Potter," I said and he laughed, hauling me up through the door.

I looked around, my lips parting in surprise as I took in our surroundings. We were on top of a hill, the view of Hogsmeade village sprawled beneath us, a beautiful patchwork of cobbled stones and cottages.

The trapdoor was all but invisible against the pile of rocks around it, camouflaging it from an unknowing eye.

"Wow," I breathed, and I turned to face him, a smile breaking through my features, "This place is _brilliant_ ,"  
"I know," James threw himself down on the grass, grinning up at me, "Thought we could use a breather,"  
I took a deep breath, the sharp scent of pine leaves and grass filling my nose, almost unbelievably fresh in the cold air.

"I love it here," I said happily, settling down on the grass next to him, "It's peaceful,"  
"Isn't it?" James asked, he was lying down, his eyes closed, "The lads don't like it here. Thinks it's boring,"

"I suppose it does lack the explosions that Black is so partial to," I said drily and poked his stomach, "Hand it over,"  
"What?" he asked in surprise.  
"Whatever food is in your bag," I said, reaching over him to grab at the knapsack, "I know you brought food,'

"Nothing ever slips by you, does it Evans?" he laughed, cracking open an eyelid as he watched me dig through his bag.

"Nope," I said cheerfully, "Merlin, where did you get all this?"

The bag was crammed with sweets, flasks of pumpkin juice, a few fruits and pies. He hadn't even left to the kitchens, so when did he get these?  
"We have a _lot_ of food in our dorm," he admitted, propping himself onto an elbow, his glasses sliding down his nose, "Remus has an appetite like you wouldn't believe,"  
"Really?" I unwrapped the chocolate, popping a piece into his waiting mouth, "How is he?"  
"Moony?" James frowned a little, pursing his lips, "He's starting to feel a little shitty. Time of the month, you know,"  
"He hates himself because of it, doesn't he?" I asked quietly and James sighed, nodding broodingly.

"Yeah," he said, straightening his glasses, "Thinks it makes him less than human. Rubbish really, but I don't blame him with how awful other wizards get about it,"

"The wizarding population are a bigoted lot, aren't they?" I mused as I took the apple out of his bag and spliced it with my wand, "Werewolves, squibs, house elves, half bloods, centaurs, giants Muggles, goblins. They view anything other than purebloods as something less than them, don't they?"  
"Not all of us," James said firmly, "The idiots do. Hell knows we all would be a dead race without them. And pureblood doesn't mean shit to me, Lily, you know that, don't you?"  
"Of course," I smiled at him, handing him a piece of the apple, "You might have been an annoying prat, but you were never a bigoted prat,"  
"As long as you know that," James said, and he sighed, looking up at the clouds again, "That's the problem though. There are people who believe in him, believe that they are genuinely _superior_ to the others which is the only reason why he's even got as far as he did. Which honestly baffles me because just how all the greatest wizards and witches are rarely ever pureblooded. Voldemort himself is half blood,"

Wait, _what_?  
"What?" I gaped at him, the apple slipping from my hands and he snagged it before it could fall to the ground, "That filthy _hypocrite_ ,"

I had always assumed Voldemort was from an old pureblood family, because otherwise, his entire propaganda made no sense at all.  
"I know," James said grimly, "But you have to admit, despite what a crazy bastard he is, Voldemort is an incredible wizard,"

I nodded, taking a bite of the apple and savoured the tangy sweetness that exploded in my mouth. Autumn apples always tasted the best.

"I don't think anyone except Dumbledore is equal to him in terms of power," he continued, "And we both know Dumbledore is too good to do anything that Voldemort does,"  
"Do you think it'll ever end?" I asked softly, lying down with my head resting on his stomach.

"Yes," James said with complete conviction, no room for doubt in his voice, "Of course,"  
"But he's supporters are growing," I said, sighing as I closed my eyes, "I think half of the Slytherins from last year are Death Eaters now,"  
"Lucius and Bellatrix are for sure," he said, his lips curling with distaste, "Remember what Dumbledore said about people who are weak? That's them. They want that sort of power, they _want_ to believe they're better,"  
"Snape," I said softly, my fingers curling into fists and I hated the tears that sprung to my eyes at that, "I know for _sure_ he's going to be there. I'm going to be fighting him,"

James stroked my hair gently, "I'm sorry,"  
"He was my best friend, James," I said, biting down on my lower lip, "He was the one that… He was the one that introduced me to _magic_ and he helped learn who I am. He told me about Hogwarts. And when my sister, when Petunia began to hate me, it was him who was with me. It was always us against her, against _everyone_ and now it's gone. He's gone. What am I supposed to do, James?"  
"You tried, Lily," he said softly, "I know you did. There are just some things you can't control Lily and you can't blame yourself for that,"  
"I hate that I lost him," I confessed, "And it's just the beginning. I don't want to admit this, I _hate_ to admit this, James, but half of us are going to be dead by the end of the war. I know it,"  
"Yeah," he sighed, "That's why I want to this bloody war to end. I don't want my children to live like we had to. Being afraid to leave the house, unable to trust your friends and reading about the deaths of people you knew and cared for in the papers. I want _them_ to be able to run around and make friends with everyone and not have to live with this… This damn hate,"  
"Do you think that's possible?"  
"One day, don't you think?" he asked and I turned my head around to look at him, "Isn't that what you said, Lils? We need a lot of love and patience and such?"  
"I'm not sure if I'm just an optimistic or an idiot, or worse, _both_ ," I rolled my eyes, sitting up.

"You're not an idiot, Lily, that's the amazing thing about you," he sat up with me, dusting the grass from his hair, "That you are able to see the best in people,"

"That's not true,"

"It's true, some people might think it's stupidity that you give people as much chances as they need," James shrugged, "But I think that's bloody perfect. And that trust you have, Lily? It's going to help someone,"

It was possibly the nicest thing someone had ever said to me and I felt my insides warm in pleasure at hearing his words. I knew that I was naïve in a way, Kate and even Mary made endless fun of the fact that I was too trusting. My friendship with Elizabeth put both of them on edge, despite my assurances that she wasn't going to harm me they scoffed and reminded me about Severus. But Elizabeth wasn't Severus. She was a Slytherin, through and through, in the way she was proud and regal, but she was kinder than anyone realised. I could see it in the way she treated others with courteous respect, regardless of their House. And she didn't share that twisted obsession of the Dark Arts as many in her House did. She just wanted to learn, which something we both had in common.  
"Thank you," I said, pulling at the grass with my fingers, "That's really nice of you,"  
"I call it as I see it,"

We sat in peaceful silence, staring out at the village.

"James?" I asked, breaking the silence.

I had made up my mind.  
"Yeah?" he asked absently.  
"I'm sorry about your parents," I said quietly, "I didn't know,"

The words were incredibly hard to get out, but I needed to say it.

"I know," James said simply, "Sirius told me. But I always knew that, Lily. I realised you didn't because you were the only person last year who didn't tip toe around me. You know what you said to me last year?"  
Uh oh.

"No?"

"I just came back from the funeral and I was furious," James chuckled, "I didn't want to talk to anyone because I hated how everyone just kept _staring_ and the stilted apologies. So I was going to my room to get some privacy when I bumped into you in the staircase. Didn't know back then how pathetically clumsy you were, of course. I expected you to say the bull everyone else was saying, but instead, you said _shove off, Potter_ ,"  
I closed my eyes in mortification, "I'm so sorry,"  
"No, don't be, it's what woke me up," he was laughing, "And I was so desperate to talk to you. I thought you might understand, you know? But you didn't even spare me a glance,"  
"I was busy last year," I babbled, my embarrassment and guilt growing exponentially each growing second, "I was going through a lot,"  
"I know," he nodded and grinned as he bounded up to his feet, "Come on, let's go back to the village. I'm starved,"

* * *

"Hot butterbeer or cold?" James asked over his shoulder and I shrugged.

"I don't know, what do you think, James?" I asked and he frowned, thinking.  
"Cold?" he guessed and I wrinkled my nose.

"On a weather like this, blasphemy!" I pushed past him, smiling at the always pretty Rosmerta, "Two hot butterbeers, please,"  
"Damn, I thought you were meant to be an odd bird," James grumbled, ignoring my protests as he handed over the coins.

"I'm not _that_ weird," I told him, picking up the two mugs filled with frothy butterbeer and took it to a table by the windows.

Because it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend, the village was not teeming to the top with students. I sat down, watching the empty streets in fascination. I forgot people actually _lived_ in Hogsmeade, and it was just a quiet, small town without the students, clogging up the students. In fact, it reminded me of my home back in Surry.

"What are your plans for this hols?"  
"Probably going back to the house with Sirius," he shrugged, taking a long drink from his mug, "The house elves will be upset if we leave them alone too long,"  
"You have house elves?"  
James paused, an embarrassed look coming over his expression as he scratched his cheek self consciously, "Yeah… Old family, you know,"  
"Does Sirius still live with you?"  
"Yeah," he seemed relieved that I had changed the subject, "He's been with us since fifth year,"

"Tough at home?" I guessed, raising my brows and he nodded, looking exhausted.

"You have no idea," he grimaced.

"Are his parents… You know, Death Eaters?" I asked carefully and he shook his head at that,

"No, but they believe in blood purity as much as Voldemort does," James sighed, "They're a sick bunch, really. Chops off the head of old house elves and tack it on the wall. Gave me a bloody heart attack when I first saw them,"

Oh Merlin.

Even the mere thought of it made me sick.  
"Poor Sirius," I murmured, looking back down at the table, "He's my kindred soul, isn't he?"  
"Padfoot?" he asked blankly.

"Yeah, we both have siblings who shun us," I said, tracing the dark patterns on the wooden tabletop, "And someone close to us who is on the other side. We both want to mend the relationship, we want to save them but we can't and the guilt kills us a little bit more each day,"

"You noticed?" James sounded surprised.  
"How Sirius looks at Regulus?" I asked, laughing bitterly, "Yes. I noticed it was _exactly_ the same way I look at Severus,"

"They're wrong," James was shaking his head, "You're shockingly observant, Evans,"  
"Black and Kate beg to differ," I rolled my eyes, "I don't know what's wrong with them. Do you?"  
"I think I do," he was smiling, an odd look in his eyes, "But I don't think I can tell you,"  
"Why _not_?"  
"Because it's cheating,"  
Bloody hell.

"I hate you all,"  
"You are such a liar, Lily," he hummed and I scowled across the table at him, "Are you really going to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas?"  
"What else can I do?" I shrugged awkwardly, "Not like I can go home,"  
"Why don't you visit your mother?"  
"Oh, I'm going to visit her, of course I will," I blinked rapidly, "I just meant… Well, I don't really have a home to go to anymore. Petunia and her husband live at our house now, and I have a feeling they don't want me there,"  
If the icy silences and visible shudders from Vernon were any indication.

"Then we'll stay at Hogwarts too,"  
"We?"  
"Padfoot and I," James elaborated, and cocked his head, "I think I can get Moony to stay too. And of course Peter will if we all do,"

That was incredibly sweet of him to offer that, and I was tempted to take it. I was worried about how I was going to spend Christmas this year because it would be my first year ever staying at Hogwarts. Mary was going home to meet Jonathan's family, and Kate _had_ to go because of her mother's annual Christmas party. As much as I loved Hogwarts, I wasn't sure how I felt about spending Christmas and the New Years alone in the Castle. I supposed I could study… But even _I_ didn't want to study during the break. Well, fine, I did at times, but a whole month? No thank you.  
"You don't have to do that," I said quickly.

"Nah, we do," he grinned, his hazel eyes glowing wickedly, "It'll be fun. We'll pull our very last Marauder's Christmas prank, don't look at me like that Lily, it's practically Hogwarts tradition,"  
"I'm just letting you know, I will be very unhappy if you guys explode glitter balloons in the hall again," I warned him, "I don't want glitter in my turkey,"  
"What's your opinion on paint?" he asked innocently and I tossed a wadded napkin at his face, "I'm _joking_ ,"

"You might be joking but Sirius probably isn't," I muttered, shaking my head in disgust.

"You're right," he laughed and I joined him, feeling the warmth from the butterbeer spread through my body.

"Thanks, James," I told him as we walked back to the castle, the sky darkening rapidly. Our robes bulged with sweets from Honeydukes and bottles of butterbeer.

"For what?" he asked in surprise and I smiled, linking my arm with his.

"Just everything,"

* * *

"I'm sorry,"  
I looked up at Kate in surprise, the towel hanging limply in my hand. I had returned from Hogsmeade half an hour ago and had entered the shower to clean up. The dorm had been empty when I first entered the room as it was dinner time, but now, Mary and Kate were waiting for me.

"For what?" I asked warily, tossing the towel into the hamper.

Kate sighed gustily, "For being an impatient cow with you. Mary told me that I shouldn't get mad at you for you know, being you. But sometimes you're infuriating as hell, you know that Lily?"

"Kate," Mary said in exasperation, "Didn't I tell you to leave that part out?"  
"Oh, oops,"  
I fought the urge to smile.

Kate, as confusing as she got, was too difficult to stay mad at.  
"Okay?" I said, raising my eyebrows.  
"But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you,"

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," I said, sitting on my bed and stared at her evenly, "If you're that damn frustrated about it, why don't you just _tell_ me instead of going around in bloody circles about it?"  
"Because it's not my place to," Kate said simply and then sat down next to me, snuggling against my side, "I'm _sorry_ Lily Evans, please find it in your very generous heart to forgive me,"  
I laughed at that, "Fine, now get off me. I want to sleep,"  
"How was Hogsmeade?" Mary asked, "How on earth did you get out of the Castle?"  
"The Marauders are a bunch of geniuses, that's why," I sighed a little, stretching out onto my warm bed, "We prefects had no hope going against them,"  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked curiously but I shrugged.

The Marauders map and the Invisibility cloak wasn't my story to share.

"They just know Hogwarts really, really well," I said, shoving Kate away so I could go underneath my sheets, "Is your dad still mad about the engagement?"

Mary's father was _not_ happy to hear that his only daughter was engaged at seventeen. In fact, he had sent a Howler to scream his displeasure at the couple _very_ loudly during breakfast, much to the embarrassment of Jonathan and Mary.

I didn't blame him, really. If my dad had been alive, I knew he wouldn't be pleased at all that Petunia had gotten married so early. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

I missed my dad. If he was alive, I wouldn't have to spend Christmas here, I would be able to go home with my family.

And maybe I would have someone I could snigger about Vernon behind his back.

"Daddy's… You know, getting used to the idea," Mary shrugged hopelessly, her fair hair slipping out if its braid, "I'm sure he'll remember how much he liked John when I bring him over again,"  
"I'll hide his wand if I were you," I joked, "Might blast Jonathan to pieces,"  
"Don't say that, I'm worried enough," Mary moaned, collapsing into her pillows, "It's not like I'm getting married to him _now_. We promised we won't until graduation,"  
"Because six months is a world of difference?" Kate asked.

"Well, yes, because in six months, we won't be in Hogwarts anymore," Mary said softly, "We'll… We'll actually have to _work_ ,"  
"Don't remind me," Kate sighed, "I started to send letters to the newspapers and so far, I haven't received a single reply back,"  
Kate aspired to be a journalist, something, I thought, suit her very well. I sincerely hoped she didn't become one of those rubbish, attention hungry journalist like Rita Skeeter, or whatever that hag's name was. Just last week she had published an article in the Daily Prophet about how Hogwarts was 'falling apart' under the weak jurisdiction of 'barmy' Dumbledore. I mean, called Dumbledore loony in my head all the time, but I didn't like hearing her say it. The difference was, I meant it as a _joke_ , because I knew that he was a powerful wizard and I respected him for his many contribution to the wizarding world. But the derisive way Skeeter had written it… It worried me, because I knew full well how gullible so many of the wizarding population were.

"Mary, you promise you won't forget about us when you're juggling two kids next year?" Kate joked.

"Of course not," Mary said, blushing furiously but she looked happy at the thought, "You two are my best friends,"  
"You too, Lily Evans," Kate pointed her finger at me, "Don't you dare forget to write to us, even if you're busy saving the world,"  
"I'm not going to be saving the world," I rolled my eyes but couldn't keep the smile off my face, "I'll write a letter a month if you're good,"  
"Rubbish, you'll miss me so much you'll write to me every day," Kate retorted and I laughed.

She was right.

I was going to miss her, I was going to miss Mary, and I was going to miss Hogwarts. But I was growing older, the war was growing fiercer and the resistance needed more soldiers to fight the seemingly never ending terror Voldemort had brought.

I hated how he so effectively managed to cut through ties and bonds, how he aroused suspicious and distrust between old friends and destroyed families. It was an uphill battle, just as Peter had said, and it wasn't getting any easier as time passed.

But what other choice did I have?

James was right. This war had to end with our generation. I couldn't bear the thought of passing a ruined, ravaged world to my children, where hate and bigotry ran thick and there was no tolerance for the different.

No, they will have better than what we did.

I was going to make sure of it.

* * *

 **Here it is, in all it's 10,500 words of unedited glory.**

 **I uploaded it at 3 am with just quick skim so forgive me for any typos and mistakes, I'll go edit it later on. I just wanted to upload up to Chapter 12 before the week's out.**

 **Anyway, once again, thanks for reading!**

 **-G.**


	13. Chapter 13: The One with the Animagi

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES.**

* * *

"Lily, are you okay?" Mary asked in concern and I nodded, brushing away the attention.

I was sitting in my favourite armchair in the common room, feeling chilly despite the blazing fire in front of me. All around me were stacks of books and loose parchment as I struggled to finish my ever increasing pile of homework. I really must be as mad as they other claimed to be taking so much subjects at once, and as the end of the year drew closer, I was beginning to regret my idiotic competiveness.

"I'm fine," I insisted, wrapping the scarf more securely around my neck, "Just a bit of a cold,"  
"Lily, you're at like, forty degrees?" Kate shook her head, tossing a blanket over my face, "And you must be wearing fifty layers,"

"Four actually, but who's counting" I asked, rummaging through my pile of papers, "Have you seen my Arithmacy chart?"  
"Which nasty looking one is that?" Kate muttered under her breath and I ignored her, growing increasing flustered when I couldn't find it. This wasn't good, I needed to finish this damn assignment by tomorrow. Though honestly, I couldn't blame anyone but myself for procrastinating. But I had been so damn busy this past week, trying to balance homework with Head duties was a nightmare.

"Lily, relax," Mary looked alarmed, "It'll be here somewhere,"  
"Well, I can't find it," I snapped, my cheeks flushed and I felt my headache increase, my temple pounding painfully.

I took a deep breath, rubbing at my eyes as I smiled at her weakly, "Sorry, Mary. I'm just stressed,"  
"I know," she said sympathetically.

"Is this what you're looking for?" Remus asked from behind me, handing me a piece of paper and I sighed in relief when I recognised the familiar chart, snatching it from him.

"Thank you," I beamed up at him, "I could kiss you right now,"  
"Really working through our group, aren't you now?" Sirius asked, folding himself on the floor by my feet and gave me a lazy grin, "Who's next? Peter?"  
"Shut up," I told him half heartedly, too busy filling in the table to pay attention any serious attention to him.

"Don't worry, Evans," he smirked up at me, "I forgot about it too. Not really the best kiss, was it?"

I sighed gustily, throwing a crumpled piece of parchment at his face, "I don't know what you're talking about,"  
"I'm talking about the even that happened _three_ days ago," Sirius propped himself up onto his elbow, his dark hair falling onto his face.

"It seems as if you didn't really forget," I told him drily and noticed that two people were missing from the usual four, "Where's James and Peter?"  
"Peter is in the dorm because he's sick," Remus leaned over my shoulder, picking up my quill as he corrected a mistake I made, "And James is at the pitch,"  
I glanced out the window, noting the darkness outside, "Now? But aren't you and Kate also on the team?"  
"Because Prongs is crazy," Sirius said in disgust and I snorted at the irony of his sentence, "He's driving the team to the ground. He's been holding practices just for the chasers and keepers all week,"  
Their last Quidditch match was against Ravenclaw, and though Gryffindor had won, James was not very happy about the result. In fact, he was furious, raging at the entire team a lecture that rivalled McGonagall's, which was impressive really. Her lectures were _legendary._

There was no party this time round.

I didn't really understand what the problem was, since they _won_ but Remus had absently explained to me something about formation and communication, which just flew over my head. I didn't know why I even bothered to ask.

"He's uptight about it," Sirius said, looking disgruntled, "He's driving himself to the ground because he is desperate to win the cup,"  
"Because it's his last year," I guessed and Remus nodded.

"And because what happened last year," he added, sitting next to Sirius. Sirius, without looking up, handed him a bar of chocolate from his robes. I smiled a little at that.

Their friendship was too adorable at times.

"We lost?" I asked uncertainly and was met by withering glares from the rest of the Gryffindors.

I flushed, turning my attention back to my books. This was why I didn't try get involved in Quidditch.

Kate snorted.

"We were _slaughtered_ by Ravenclaw last year," she shook her head, grimacing at the memory, "The entire team was totally rubbish. Jonathan fractured his wrist two days before so we had to train with the replacement who didn't know _anything_ , and Matthews had the stomach flu. Threw up twice on the broom. James was hit by a bludger and it was _pouring_ ,"  
I winced, "Yikes,"  
"Yeah, so James is stressed, to say the least," Sirius looked tired, " _And_ he has Head duties on top of everything else. He's at his breaking point,"

Just like me.

A lovely pair of Head Students we were.  
"And it's the anniversary soon, isn't it?" Mary asked quietly, speaking for the first time since the boys' arrival. Sirius looked up sharply at her.

"Yes," he nodded curtly, his eyes flickering to mine and I stared back blankly.

Anniversary?

"His parents," he elaborated and I nodded silently, my mouth dry.

Poor James.

I glanced down at the envelope I had tucked in between the pages of my Potions textbook. I had received a letter from my mother today at breakfast. Despite my mother being ill, at least I had someone who wrote to me. I wondered how it would be like, how hopelessly alone I would feel, if I lost her too.

My stomach clenched.

"Remus, are you okay?" Kate asked suddenly and our heads snapped simultaneously to look at the thin boy by my feet.

Remus smiled up at us weakly, pushing his light hair from his eyes, "I'm just feeling unwell. I must have gotten something from Peter,"

"Yeah, you look terrible," Kate clucked her tongue sympathetically, "Reckon you should go visit the Hospital Wing,"

"Yeah, Remus," Mary looked at him anxiously, "You should,"  
Remus smiled affectionately at their concern, "I'll be okay,"  
The three of us exchanged disbelieving glances, though mine was more uncomfortable than anything else. But Remus _did_ look terrible. His skin was pale, almost greyish in the firelight, his cheekbones prominent against his skin, and you could see the dark, tired circles that bruised the skin beneath his eyes. My eyes shifted involuntarily to the window, noting the fullness of the moon. I had memorised the dates for the full moon for the next few months on one of my many sleepless nights so I knew he didn't have very long.

I wondered if it was painful, the transformation. Of course it would be, why was I even asking such an obvious question? My heartstrings tugged for Remus, who looked so worn and exhausted already, and pitied him for his pain and loneliness.

I swallowed.  
"You should go and rest, Moony," Sirius said, his tone bored, "Don't get the rest of us sick, you selfish prick,"

Sirius was sprawled in front of the fireplace, his hair ruffled, tie loose around his neck, his shirttails hanging out of his trousers. He looked like the picture of insolent youth, not a care in the world. But I knew it was an act by the way his shoulders were slightly stiff, and he had not flipped the page of the magazine since Kate's question.

"Yeah, I think I will," Remus slowly stood up.

He clapped hand with Sirius, offered Kate and Mary a small smile before he squeezed my shoulder as he passed me, ambling towards the staircase.

"Where are you going?" Mary asked when I started to pack my bag.

"Library," I lied easily, "I need a few books,"  
"As if you don't have enough," Sirius snorted, looking at my bulging bag in distaste, "Sod off, Evans. Take your bookishness elsewhere. We're going to play Gobstones,"  
"I just washed my hair!" Kate protested but Sirius waved her off, producing a bagful of Gobstones from his pocket.

I watched him in bemusement.

Chocolate, Gobstones, magical maps… What else did Sirius Black have in there?  
"I'll give you five galleons if you win," Sirius coaxed at Kate's eyes flared in excitement.

"I could do with new shoes," she said happily and Mary and I laughed, shaking our heads.

Trust Kate, with her gambling streak to be unable to stay away from a bet, clean hair or not.

"Bye," I called as I left the portrait hole but the three just waved at me without even turning back, already too absorbed in their game.

I sighed in relief. I wasn't the best at lying and normally, Kate and Mary could smell a lie a mile away, but luckily, they were too distracted by Sirius Black to notice.

I wasn't going to the library, no, I had all the books I needed in my weightless bag.

I was going to find James.

* * *

"Lily?"

I looked up in surprise at the sound and smiled when I recognised the silvery eyes that were looking up at me.  
"Elizabeth," I said in pleasant surprise, waving to her.

She was coming up from next to the Grand Staircase, her pale head glowing in the light from the lanterns that were floating overhead.

"Where are you going?" she asked, shrugging her bag higher up shoulder.

"Quidditch Pitch," I said, pointing towards the exit, "How about you?"  
"Library," she grimaced a little, "The Transfiguration essay is killing me. And I can't concentrate in the common room,"  
"Playing Gobstones too?" I asked and she looked at me in confusion.

"No, they're having an argument," Elizabeth said delicately, a wry smile tugging her lips, "About blood purity. It's not my favourite post dinner discussion to have,"  
Oh.

Blood purity. I tried to remember the last time there had been an argument in the Gryffindor common room… It was two days ago, Sirius and Peter duking it out about who had the best 'rack' at Hogwarts. I tried to end it, telling them to have their sexist conversation elsewhere but Sirius had given me a dismissive once over and said, "Don't be jealous you're not on the list,"

I blushed furiously, reaching for my wand before James hastily intervened, all but shoving his friends up the staircase.

I supposed this was just another difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin.

I smiled a little, "Doesn't help with digestion at all, does it?"  
"No, it's more of a breakfast table thing," she said lightly.

I had to laugh at that, "I can't believe Elizabeth Selwyn is making a joke,"

"Don't tell others," she said flatly, rolling her eyes, "Might give people a heart attack,"

"Have fun at the library," I waved at her as she continued up the stairs, "I heard Madame Pince is on the warpath,"  
Because earlier tonight, the Marauders (they were _everywhere)_ , convinced a group of first years to set off waterproof fireworks in the library, and I had watched with mouth open shock as the firecrackers bounded across the large room, ricocheting off the walls, sending sparks flying dangerously close to parchment. I knew first years were gullible, but had they not _heard_ Madame Pince and did they really not see that setting fire in a library was a very, very bad idea?

And honestly, what were James and Remus _doing_? Bloody useless wankers.

It was freezing outside and I clutched my scarf closer as I quickly walked towards the Quidditch field in the darkness. When I finally reached the edge of the field, I was out of breath, my ears ringing and painful in the frigid air. I watched the figure riding in circles around the pitch, pulling into a sharp dive before pulling himself up in the last second. My breath, coming out in short puffs, eased a little as I watched him fly, twisting and turning easily on the broomstick.

He really was an excellent flyer.

After my breathing had evened and was back to normal, I raised my wand and shot sparks into the air. I saw him halt, stopping mid air in surprise before he raced towards me.

"Lily," he was smiling, "Didn't expect to see you here. In fact, this is the _last_ place I expected to see you,"

"I know," I moaned, "What have you done to me?"  
James laughed, a boyish carefree sound, as he hopped off his broom in front of me.

"What brings you here?" he asked, running a hand through his messy hair.

"To talk," I said, carefully reaching out to fix his crooked glasses. His cheeks were flushed from the cold air, his eyes sparkling with adrenaline and I had to smile a little at his dishevelled self.

"Uh oh," James said, sitting down on the seats, "What did I do this time? Is it because the fireworks? Or the dungeons because I swear that was Padfoot's idea, not mine,"  
I stared at him.

" _Fine_ , the dungeons may have been my idea," James said quickly, raising his hands defensively, "But I had no idea it was going to flood so quickly,"  
"I didn't know about the dungeons,"

"Oh," James blinked rapidly, "Shit,"  
" _James_ ," I groaned, sitting down next to him, "You're Head Boy!"  
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," James said, sighing, "I'm a rubbish Head Boy,"  
"No, you have rubbish friends," I corrected, "You're a decent Head Boy. You were just unlucky to meet a rubbish Head Girl who _obviously_ has zero control over you,"  
"Au contraire, Lily Evans, he is limiting himself _quite_ a bit on your behalf,"  
"I'll believe it when I see it,"  
James rolled his eyes, "Enough with this. Why are you here? You wouldn't have come out at this hour just to talk about Head Duties,"  
I smiled a little, "You're right,"  
"And aren't you sick?" James asked in alarm, reaching out to touch my forehead, " _Merlin_ , Lily, you're burning up. Come on, let's go-,"  
"I'm fine," I brushed his hand away and he sighed, shaking his head as he took off his Quidditch robe while he muttered something about crazy, contradictory birds. I seriously hoped he was not talking about me.

"Thank you," I said when he carefully put the robes around me. The Quidditch robes were still warm from his body and I could smell the scent of grass and James coming from it.

"It's freshly laundered," he added hastily, "And I don't think I sweated _that_ much,"  
"No, it's fine," I huddled into its warmth, "Aren't you cold though?"  
He waved his hand dismissively, "I'm fine,"  
"If you say so,"  
We sat in silence, staring out into the Quidditch field. I remembered the first time I had heard about Quidditch. Severus' lips had curled up in disgust as he explained the game to me, claiming only meatheads played the sport. I was inclined to agree with him, but looking back on it, I wondered if Severus was as jealous as Sirius had claimed.

I shook the thought away.

I had to stop thinking about Severus.

"What are you thinking about?" James asked curiously, looking at me and I shrugged.

"Nothing much," I said evasively, "I just came down here to give you company,"  
James looked surprised, "Company?"  
"Heard you were stressed because of Head duties along with everything else," I explained, "It must be exhausting, Potter, I don't know how you do it. Juggling Quiddich captain, Head Boy, school work and pranks with the lads,"  
James smiled a little, leaning forward onto his hands as he let loose a long sigh, "Yeah, it is,"  
"Don't worry," I patted his shoulder, "I am right here with you, suffering through it all,"  
"I know," he shrugged lazily, "That's the only reason I survive,"

"Knowing I'm dying too?" I asked sceptically and he laughed, a bright, happy sound that warmed me more than the layers of clothes did.

"No, I'm not a sadist," he shook his messy head and threw an arm around me, drawing me close, "I survive _for_ you. Because I know I have to hold it together or I'll just be making it more difficult for you,"  
"When did you grow up, James?" I asked in wonder, touched by his words and he chuckled, the sound vibrating through his body.

"I was already maturing, little by little," James said as I leaned my head into his shoulder, "But I losing my parents made me realise how short life is. Made me appreciate things more and realise that I can't be a fifteen year old forever,"  
"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"Yeah, me too," James sighed, rubbing at his temples, "They were old, you know? Had me pretty late compared to most folks. But still… They were my parents, I thought they were _invincible_. That was my first mistake,"

He let out a long breath.

"My second was taking them for granted and realising it only after they were gone," he said tonelessly, "Which was far too late,"  
I nodded, pressing my lips together, not trusting myself to speak.

"Which was what made me determined not to ever make those two mistakes again," James finished, "Never take someone or something for granted, and never underestimate or overestimate a person. Because in the end, we're all the same human,"  
We sat in still silence, the only sound between us was the sound of our breathing, the slow inhale and exhale of air.

"They were aurors," James said suddenly, "Fell into a trap. Killed by Death Eaters,"  
"I'm sorry," I whispered and his fingers wrapped around mine tightly.

This was the first time someone I personally knew was directly affected by the war. My heart tugged for James.

"Which is why I'm so determined to fight," James said fiercely, "I'm not losing to them again,"  
"You'll make a difference, James," I said softly, "I know you would,"

I meant every word of it. James was extraordinary, he always had been and I don't know why I took so long to see this, but now that I did, it was _all_ I could see.  
"Thank you," he said simply and stood up, "Come on, let's go for a ride,"  
"Er, what?" I blinked rapidly, surprised by his change in demeanour. He was beaming now, a smile cracking open his face wide.

What was _wrong_ with him? He really was as emotionally fickle as Sirius Black.

That was slightly worrisome.

"Around the pitch," he said impatiently, hauling me up, "You can't come down here without riding a broom,"  
"Yes I can," I said immediately, digging my heels to the ground when he tried to lead me to the grass, "I don't fly. Ever,"  
"Evans, are you scared?" he teased, cocking one eyebrow up challenging

Psh.

As if I was going to fall for that.  
"Yes," I had no qualms admitting to this, not caring at all about the gleeful expression on his face, "I prefer to have my feet on the ground, thank you very much,"  
"Don't you trust me?" he coaxed and I shook my head.

"This has _nothing_ to do with trust,"  
"Come on, it'll be fun," his eyes were sparkling as he grinned slyly, "I promise to be gentle,"  
He doubled over in laughter when I punched his stomach, though judging by how rock hard it was, I doubt it even hurt.

I huffed, giving up, "I hate you,"  
"No, you love me," he corrected and then paused before adding, "Well, you will one day,"  
"Don't hold your breath, Potter," I said uneasily as he swung onto the broomstick. I clambered on after him, squeezing my eyes tightly shut, my fingers digging into his waistband. I could feel his body vibrate as he chuckled.

"Lucky I'm excellent at holding my breath, in fact, a true champion at it really," he looked back at me, "Ready Lily?"  
"No," I squeaked but he just laughed again and I clutched onto him tighter when he kicked off the ground, soaring into the sky. The wind was cold as it rushed past us and I felt my stomach drop as we reached higher and higher.

"Open your eyes, Lily!" he shouted over the wind and I cracked open one eye lid carefully, peeking down. We were tremendously high up, in fact, I felt queasy just looking down, but it was beautiful from here. As we looped higher and higher up, the benches now a small dot from where we were looking down, I could see the silvery glow of the Great Lake, the beautiful, turrets and towers of the castle, looming majestically in the moonlight and the acres of trees and grass, sprawling far and wide. I laughed giddily, letting go of his stomach to raise my arms up into the air, the cold air whipping around me. James looked back at me, grinning playfully before he dived suddenly. I screamed as we hurtled through the air, my arms going around his stomach immediately as I clutched on for dear life but I couldn't help but break into laughter with him.

No wonder he loved to fly.

It was exhilarating. It was also completely and utterly terrifying but it was breath taking… No, it was breath _giving_.

I felt more alive than I had ever felt before.

* * *

"Lily?"  
"Sh," I mumbled, my eyes still closed, "Flitwick is talking,"  
"Lily," Mary said, her voice soft with concern, "Class ended,"  
I shot up at that, blinking blearily as I stared around the empty classroom in surprise. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I _swear_ I had been awake when Flitwick was talking about non verbal spells, which really, I knew more than I had to about. But still, I was appalled at myself for sleeping through my favourite class. But I had a headache, a mother of all headaches, to be precise, and I felt as if my body was burning up.

"I think you should go to the Hospital Wing," she was nibbling on her pinkie, a sign of nervousness, when I swayed against the table.

"I'm fine," I insisted, picking up my bag and she stopped me.

"Lily," she said slowly, guiding me towards the door, "You look like shit,"  
I looked at her in surprised, half offended, half impressed by her swear word. Merlin, I must look absolutely terrible if Mary was swearing about it. I had returned to the dorm after our little flying session, my cheeks bright red from the wind, my hair a tangle of mess and even though I was chilled to the bone, I thought I was okay after my shower. Clearly not. I had woken up, shivering and feverish but no matter what Kate or Mary said, I hauled myself out of bed and went to class.

I was beginning to regret it, I really was, which was so, very Lily of me. Always regretting her actions.

"Do I?" I asked mildly, touching my forehead.

It was hot against my cold hands.

Hm.

"Maybe I should," I conceded, and then looked at her anxiously, "But I have to hand in my Arithmacy assignment! And I know that McGonagall is going to pile us with homework and-,"  
"Lily?"

I trailed off at the familiar voice and we turned around to see Sirius, James and Kate, watching us in bafflement.

"Why are you guys still here?" Kate demanded, coming over to us, "We thought you already went to Transfiguration- Oh my god, Lily, are you okay?"  
"I'm _fine_ ," I said defensively.

"Definitely not fine then," she declared, "Oi, come here you dolts and be useful,"  
Sirius let out a small, surprised _oof_ when Kate tossed my bag at him, "Merlin, Lily, what do you have in here?"  
"Sorry, forgot to charm it," I managed, taking out a wand but he already cast the spell, rolling his eyes.

"Give me some credit, Evans," he said crossly, tucking his wand back into his robes, "I know how to do a bloody weightless charm,"  
"I know, sorry," I closed my eyes, swallowing.

The world was beginning to spin around me. That was surely a bad sign.

"James, hold her," Kate ordered and he grinned, moving forward towards me.  
"My _assignment_ ," I stressed and Kate groaned, grabbing my bag from Sirius.

"I'll hand it to him, okay?" she said, "Now _go_. You look like you're going to faint any moment now,"  
"I'm not going to faint," I informed James, who was propping me up carefully.

He smirked down at me, "I bloody hope not,"  
"Miss Evans, you should be in bed, not out and about!" Madame Pomfrey said shrilly as soon as she caught a glance at me, "There's a rather nasty flu going around. Do you want to be sick till Christmas?"  
"No, sorry ma'am," I said meekly and she tutted, leading me to an empty cot.

"Out!" she ordered Sirius who looked outraged.

"I'm just holding her bag!" he said, shaking my knapsack at her, " _This_ is why I don't do favours for anyone. Bloody sort of thanks I get,"  
"Thanks, Sirius," I said weakly and his stare cut to mine, softening a fraction. Wow, I really must look horrible for Sirius to be looking at me like that.

"Get better, Evans," he said gruffly, "Or I'll have to deal with _his_ fretting,"  
James rolled his eyes, "I don't fret. I'm too manly to fret,"  
Sirius sneered, "Oh really now,"  
"I'm not the one that cried whilst reading-," James began but Sirius clamped his hand over his mouth, the tops of his cheekbones pink. I smiled a little at that as I curled into the cool sheets of the Hospital Wing bed.

"Prongs, I really don't think you should be testing me right now," Sirius said through gritted teeth, "Not when _I_ know of your-,"

"Okay, okay," James said quickly, struggling out of his grip and I watched them in curiosity.

"Why are you two boys still _here_?" Madame Pomfrey cried when she returned with a steaming vial of potion, "Miss Evans need to sleep! She most definitely does not need your tomfoolery. This place is for the _sick_ , Mr Potter, Mr Black, need I remind you of that?"  
"I am sick," Sirius insisted, clutching at his chest dramatically like the great loon he was, "Sick in the heart,"  
"More like sick in the head," I muttered under my breath and he shot me a nasty glare whilst James laughed.

I smiled angelically up at him.

"Sirius and James, take your tomfoolery elsewhere," I requested, taking the vial from she left by my beside gratefully. I could smell the familiar, spicy scent of the Pepper Up potion.

I took a careful sip, and immediately, a sleepy warmth spread through me. I sighed happily, settling into my pillow drowsily.

"Ingrate," Sirius muttered, grabbing a chocolate frog from the bowl of sweets by my bed and James chuckled.

"We'll see you later, Lily," he ruffled my hair affectionately, tangling it even further but I was too sleepy to protest, "Get some rest, will you? I need you to be alive or I'll be working with Malfoy, instead,"  
"Lucinda loves you," I muttered, my eyes fluttering shut, " _Everybody_ loves you,"

It was true. I had caught the seventh year Slytherin Prefect peek up at James through her lashes during our Prefect meeting, Honestly, he wasn't even _that_ good looking.

Okay, maybe he was, but still.  
"Except you," he said cheerfully whilst Sirius snorted in disdain.

"Hmph," was all I managed to say before I was pulled into the arms of sleep, the world blackening around me.

* * *

"Madame Pomfrey, I am _fine_ ," I said in exasperation and the older witch made a noncommittal sound as she checked my temperature for the _fifth_ time in a row.

I had woken up a hour ago and it was already elevenin the evening now. I had slept almost twelve hours. And Hospital Wing food was rubbish, honestly, it came from the same kitchens as the Dining Hall, so what the hell was with the tasteless porridge I was forced to eat?

"Miss Evans, it's past curfew anyway," she said, looking down reluctantly at the chart and I scowled, knowing full well my temperature was back to normal.

I felt fine, in fact, I felt _great_. After sleeping almost the entire day under the care of Madame Pomfrey, I felt better than I had in weeks.

"I'm Head Girl," I reminded her, "I won't get in trouble. _Please_ , Madame Pomfrey! I cannot possibly sleep anymore. Due to your _excellent_ care, Madame, I am feeling fine. I feel _perfect_ , refreshed! And I can't stay here. I'll disturb your patients with my wailing,"  
She looked at me oddly, seemingly surprised by my outburst. I couldn't help but smile a little, still obviously affected by the medication she had given me when I had woken up. I felt giddy and restless, my fingers drumming against my leg.

But I didn't care.

I did _not_ want to stay in the Hospital Wing.

Whether it was in the magical world, or the muggle world, I was not a huge fan of hospitals. I could still remember the deathly white of the emergency room, the sharp scent of disinfectant stinging my nose as I stumbled through the corridors, until I came upon my dad's prone body.

I closed my eyes briefly. When I opened my eyes again, I saw the resigned expression on the nurse's face and I beamed.

"I'm fine," I assured her, hopping off the bed and grabbed at my backpack, "Don't you trust me? Don't you trust yourself?"  
"Alright, Miss Evans," she said, rolling her eyes, "You may go. But I trust you not to wonder the corridors alone?"  
"Madame Pomfrey!" I cried and she looked taken aback by my outburst, "I am _Head Girl_!"  
Before she could reply, I bounded out of the Hospital Wing cheerfully. What on earth was in the potion she gave me? I should take it more often. I felt energized, my vision and head startlingly clear. The night was so beautiful, the full moon hanging low in the sky and I could see its reflection in the Great Lake. I paused, peering out the window.

I wasn't sleepy at _all_ , and really, it was such a beautiful, lovely night. It would be a complete waste to stay locked up in the Tower when there was so much potential in the air, wasn't it?

And plus, I wasn't wondering the _corridors_ , like I promised with Madame Promfrey. I'll be on the grounds!

And I was Head Girl. Who would I get in trouble from? Merlin, I loved being Head Girl at times. I loved being sick. I loved the potion. I loved Madame Pomfrey.

I skipped happily down the Grand Staircase, waving cheerfully at the portraits I passed. They waved back in bemusement. I chuckled. Hogwarts was such a lovely place, I don't know what I was going to do when I left. I was going to miss it all. I saluted at the suit of armours that lined the hallway before I pushed open the door, stepping outside.

I was met by a blast of cold, fresh air that felt incredibly refreshing against the hot, burning skin of my face. I took in a deep breath as I scurried towards the lake.

I wanted to splash in the water for a little bit before it froze over, maybe chat with the Giant Squid or practice my Mermish a bit.

When was the last time I even played in the Great Lake?

Oh, I remember.

Fifth year after OWLs. James and the rest of the stupid Marauders were taunting Severus as usual. I was furious when I approached them, but regretted it immediately. I left the conversation, my face aflame in embarrassment and hurt from Snape's words, our friendship once and for all, broken.

Merlin, was that already two years ago? Time really flew by, didn't it? It was almost December now… So… Hm. In two months, I was going to be eighteen.

That meant I was going to be an adult in both the wizarding world _and_ the Muggled. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. I was an adult now but why did I feel like I needed my parents more than ever?

I shook the thought away, refusing to spoil my mood. It was so beautiful tonight, I wasn't going to let anything ruin it. I stared up at the silvery moon, almost hypnotised by its blinding brightness and I felt a stab of resentment towards it. Poor, poor Remus. He was probably suffering somewhere, alone.

Hm.

Speaking of which, where did he even go during full moon? He probably left the school grounds, wouldn't he? No matter how trusting Dumbledore was, there was no way he'll risk the safety of the rest of the school by letting him stay during his transformation. I hated to admit it, but I knew werewolves were dangerous when they were in their form. The humaneness in them was stripped away, replaced by the urge to bite and kill.

After finding out about Remus' condition, I had grabbed every book I could find on werewolves, spending nights as I read through them all. I wanted to understand him to the best of my ability. I didn't want him to feel alone.

No matter what happened, I was _never_ going to hate Remus or fear him.

Remus Lupin was my friend.

I stared at the whispering trees of the Forbidden Forest, shivering slightly. I had heard tales of the monsters that dwelled within the forest, though it couldn't be half as bad as they claimed if unicorns also resided there. Before I could think further about it, a pair of hands clamped around my arms. I screamed, spinning around immediately, my wand in my hand and stared up at James, my eyes wide.

"What the _hell_ , James," I gasped, staggering away from him, "What are you…,"  
I trailed off, noticing the panicked, desperate expression on his face, his hazel eyes wild with worry.

"Lily, what are you doing here?" he demanded, his fingers digging into my arms painfully as he started to drag me back up the hill towards the gates.

"Ow, let me go, James!" I struggled from his grasp, "I can _walk_ you know,"  
"You shouldn't be out here!" he shouted, the sound cracking against the deathly cold. I flinched at the sound but I was too busy looking at him to feel hurt.

I could see the fear, blowing his irises wide. Why was he so scared?

"Lily, don't you know what time of the month it is? It's full moon," he asked, running his fingers through his hair.  
"I know," I stopped struggling against his grip, tripping over the knots and roots in grass as he all but ran back towards the castle, "I know, but-,"  
I stopped, sucking in a deep breath and I whispered, "He's here?"  
"Yes!" James said furiously, " _Fuck_ , Lily, I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw you name on the map. What are you even doing out? You're breaking at least fifty rules right now,"  
"I… I just came out of the Hospital Wing," I stammered, taken aback by his anger and my mind was numb.

Remus was _here?_

"And I was restless-,"  
"So you decided to roam the school grounds? Nice Lily, really rich coming from you," he spat, "Always giving me shit about being Head Boy and breaking the rules. Hypocritical, isn't it?"  
It was as if he slapped me.

I shook his hand away, "I'll go in by myself,"  
"No, you don't understand," he whispered, and the terror returned to his eyes, "Lily, Remus will be here any _second_ now,"  
"Why is he here?" I asked, a stab of fear finally entering my thoughts. I don't know why I couldn't register the severity of the situation any earlier, maybe it was the potion addling with my brain, or maybe I was too distracted by James' anger.

"Because we're fucking _idiots_ ," he shook his head, his fingers tightening around my wrist, "Come on, let's go,"  
I ran after him, stumbling over the rocks and grass but the Castle seemed so far away. _Why_ did I come down so far?

James froze suddenly, his body stiffening immediately and his head shot up, like a hound that caught the scent of its pray.

He closed his eyes.

"He's here,"

* * *

"James-," I started but he pushed me back behind him and I covered my mouth as two shadows appeared from the edge of the Forbidden Forest. One was a massive, pitch black dog that blended in with the trees…. And next to it was a silvery wolf, eyes gleaming even from the distance. Its lips curled up into a snarl as it spotted me.

Short snout, human eyes and tufted tail. I read enough books to recognise it immediately, even if I hadn't know who it was.

A werewolf.

James was running immediately as the werewolf bounded towards me and I watched, frozen in shock to scream.

James he leapt into the air, his body rippling, _transforming_ before landing on four feet.

I stared at him.

A… A _stag_?

The massive antlers of the stag crashed into the charging werewolf, throwing it into the air and the dog ran forward, snarling, its sharp fangs snapping at the werewolf. The dog threw back its head and let out a long howl that was cut off short when the werewolf lunged at him. I saw a spray of blood arc through the air.

Prongs.

Oh Merlin.

James was an Animagus.

I stared at the dog, my mind whirring as all the clues finally snapped into place.

Padfoot.

Sirius was the dog. He was an Animagus. They all were, holy mother of Merlin. Holy, fucking _shit_ , there was a werewolf in front of me.

I ran without looking back. The wind snapped against my robes and hair and for once, I didn't stumble on my own feet as I fled towards the castle, my legs pumping beneath me.

Something grabbed the edge of my cloak, jerking me back and I threw an arm out to break the fall, landing painfully on my side.

The werewolf, _Remus,_ looked down at me, his fangs dripping and I withdrew my wand immediately, shouting, " _Protego!"  
_ He bounced off when he tried to run at me, landing on the grass with a thump but I didn't pause, sending another spell at him.

" _Flipendo_ ,"

Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and I knew that this werewolf at this moment was _not_ Remus. I couldn't let my guard down, I couldn't let myself hesitate because he wouldn't hesitate the kill me.

The werewolf jerked back again, thrown a few meters back and he snarled in anger. But the stag and the dog was back, locking the werewolf into place, forcibly dragging it back towards the forest. I could see that both of them were bleeding, two, ragged lines running down that stag's back and the dog's side was bleeding profusely.

The stag looked back at me and I could read its familiar, hazel eyes.

Run.

I turned around and ran.

Why was Hogwarts so _big_?

My lungs were screaming in protest, my breathing ragged and my legs strained painfully from beneath me but I willed myself not to fall, not to give up.

I stumbled into the barracks of the castle, breathing heavily as I collapsed against the cold walls, safe.

I peeked out, and from the distance, I could see that at the bottom of the hill, there was a pack of wolves, devastatingly beautiful in the moonlight, something I noticed despite the distance and darkness, surrounding Remus, driving him back towards the Forbidden Forest. What _were_ they?

Where were James and Sirius?

I stumbled back when two figures suddenly leapt into the courtyard, the dog and the stag staggering unsteadily to a stop in front of me. I watched, my eyes wide open in shock, as they transformed back into humans, falling to their knees.

"Fuck, Evans," Sirius said immediately, his fingers trembling as he raked them through his hair and I saw that the side of his shirt was bloody as he struggled to stand.

"Lily," James crushed me into a hug, his arms tight around mine, his face burying into my hair, "Thank _Merlin_ ,"

I could feel his heart hammering against mine, the rhythm jerky.  
"Are you okay?" I asked, pushing him back and forced him to turn around.

The back of his grey Hogwarts jumper was soaked with blood.

"James," I pulled at the edge of his jumper, tugging it over his head and he stumbled back slightly.

"Whoa, Evans," he smiled crookedly, catching my hands, "Time and place,"  
"Shut up, Potter," I snarled and his smile fell from his face and he let me lift off his jumper. I gasped when I saw the deep, claw marks, gouging the tanned skin of his back, but what shocked me more were the myriad of scars that marred the skin of his back, his arms.

" _Vulnera Sanentur,"_ I whispered, running my wand down the gash and watched as the skin knit together. I turned to Sirius, who staggered back in shock when I yanked his shirt up.

"Evans," he said unsteadily, watching me with wide eyes as I healed his side.

"We need silver powder and dittany," I said, ignoring their expressions as I pushed my hair away from my face, "The wounds won't fully heal otherwise,"

Already their wounds were beginning to leak with blood, the gashes reopening.  
"We know," James nodded, fumbling into the pockets of his robes and withdraw a small bottle. I took it from him, shaking the silvery liquid onto his back. He grit his teeth, hissing in pain as the liquid touched the wound, his skin smoking upon contact. Without hesitating, I moved onto Sirius, who stayed immobile, his fingers clenched to his side, eyes closed as the viscous liquid trailed down his side.

"Ever thought about becoming a Healer?" Sirius asked when I was finished.

" _Tergeo_ ," I waved my wand, cleaning up the dried blood from his wound, "And to answer your question, no. I am not a fan of blood,"  
"Could have fooled me," he was smiling grimly, before he shook his head, "Evans, what were you _doing_ out there? You of all people should have known how fucking dangerous it is at full moon,"  
"How was I supposed to know Remus would be _here_?" I demanded and narrowed my eyes at them, "Does Dumbledore know?"  
They hesitated, but the guilty look on their face said everything.

"What were you guys _thinking_?" I cried, "You can't have him roam around here!"

"It's dangerous, we know," James said tiredly, "But trust me, Lily, you were the… The first time someone came this close. We usually have it under control,"

Under control?

They had a werewolf under control?

They have _got_ to be kidding me.  
"And you two," I smacked them over the heads with my wand, "Unregistered Animagus? What were you _thinking_?"  
"We wanted to help Moony," Sirius said flatly, "He's our friend. He shouldn't have to go through that shitty hell alone,"

Oh bloody _hell,_ these gits and their unwavering loyalty to their mates.

How could I hold it against them for that?  
I deflated a little and I ran a hand down my face ruefully, "I can't believe it… You guys are bloody geniuses. What am I even _doing_ at Hogwarts?"  
It was true. I knew how deathly complicated, not to mention arduously _long_ the spell was. I mean, for Merlin's sake, you needed to hold a mandrake leaf in your mouth for a _whole_ month! Not to mention how disastrous the consequences were if you made even the smallest mistake. There was a reason why Animagi were so tightly regulated by the Ministry. And there were only _four_ known Animagi in history… Six now, counting these two.

Merlin, these boys…

"Don't be too harsh on yourself, Lily," Sirius patted my head comfortingly, "You're fast. Really fast. You knocked Moony off his feet without even hesitating,"  
"I had to," I looked up at them pleadingly, "I didn't want to hurt him but-,"  
"No, Lily, you did the right thing," James said firmly and then sighed, his fingers lacing together with mine, "Come on, let's go back to the Tower,"  
"But Remus-," I began and Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter.

"You're worried about _Remus_ right now?" he asked, incredulous, "Remus, who you just saw as a _werewolf_? The Remus that tried to attack you?"  
"That's not really Remus," I said, uncomfortable by his stare, "That's… His alter ego,"  
He hooted with laughter at that and when he finally managed to quieten down, he slung an arm around my neck, "You're really something, Lily, did you know that?"  
I just shrugged.

"No, really, you're fucking incredible," Sirius was chuckling, "Can kind of understand what the coward sees in you,"  
"Coward?" I asked in confusion but he was too busy sniggering to himself to reply and James just rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"Are you hurt anywhere Lily?" James asked, brushing the dirt from my cheek and I shook my head.

"I'm fine," I hesitated before asking, "What were they? The wolves around Remus?"  
"Saw that, did we?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, "They're the lupine werewolves' offspring,"  
"The _what_?"

The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't place a finger on where I had heard it before.  
"Haven't you ever heard of the rumour about the werewolves in the Forest?" James asked and I nodded dumbly, "When two werewolves mate at full moon, that's what happens. Wolves with the intelligence of humans,"

Yes. I had read about that, a very small section in a whole book dedicated to the extermination of werewolves. I felt sick after reading the book and came to the conclusion that some of the wizarding folk were truly, twisted bastards.  
"No… Not a werewolf?"  
"Nope," James shook his head, "Sirius called for them,"  
I remembered him howling and he grinned at my stare. He really was very dog like, wasn't he? From his sharp smile, his barking laughter to his steadfast loyalty. I knew that you couldn't choose what animal you transformed into when you became an Animagus. I wondered why James was a stag.

"Goodnight, Lily," James said softly from the bottom of the staircase. We had reached the Gryffindor tower in silence, all three of us exhausted by the night's adventures.

I nodded, lifting my hand into a half hearted wave, "Night,"  
I really, really should have stayed in the hospital wing.


	14. Chapter 14: The One with Snape

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CREDITS GO TO J.K ROWLING FOR THE INVENTION OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD AND CHARACTERS THAT I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LOVE WITH. ALL CHARACTERS ARE THE WORK OF FICTION AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL PEOPLE, REAL EVENTS OR REAL PLACES**

* * *

I unfolded the piece of parchment, reading the elegant, sloped cursive again for the millionth time since I had received the note earlier this evening. I had come back from classes to find the stiff piece of parchment on my bed, and my stomach had dropped as soon as I read it.

 _Please come to my office at 7:00pm- Albus Dumbledore_

The last time I had been called to his office alone was when my dad passed away. I had stayed in bed for the past hour and a half, skipping dinner to anxiously waiting for the clock to reach 6:45 so I could start making my way to his office. What could he possibly want from me?

What did I do?

My stomach was a flutter of nerves as I relayed all the possible reasons he called me there. He found out about my happening with Remus last week. My grades were slipping. Mulciber and Lestranges' parents insisted on my impeachment. My mother was getting worse.

I would gladly take anything else other than the last one. Please, please, _please_ don't let her be worse. She was lucid less than half the day. How can she _possibly_ get worse?

She could die.

I closed my eyes.

No, she wouldn't be dead or Dumbledore wouldn't have made me wait two hours to tell me that. I sighed, picking nervously at my fingernails. I still had five minutes left.

"Lily?" Kate stared down at me from next to my bed and I sat up in surprise. I hadn't heard her come in. In fact, I didn't realise till now that I wasn't alone in our dorm anymore. Hestia watched me with her curious, blue eyes and I dropped her gaze, staring into my lap.

I was not in the mood to deal with her at the moment.

"What's wrong?" Kate sat down on the edge of my bed, a frown furrowing her brows and I wordlessly handed her the note.

She blinked in surprise before she opened the note, reading the phrase I had read and reread a thousand times over the last few hours.

"What did you do?" she asked blankly and I shook my head.

"I don't know," I said, my mouth dry from disuse, "I have no idea,"  
"Oh, Lily," she hugged me, "Don't worry, it can't be something bad or he would have called you immediately,"

It felt good to hear someone else say that and the knot in my stomach eased a fraction.  
"I know," I said tiredly, "But Dumbledore doesn't call people to his office for no reason. If it wasn't something serious, he would have had McGonagall deal with me,"  
"I'm sure it's nothing," Kate said soothingly but I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. I didn't blame her for that when even I had no idea what the hell I did wrong.

"I should get going," I laughed a little, wiping my sweaty palms on my robes, "I'll see you later, okay?"  
"Yeah, alright," Kate was watching me with a worried expression as I slipped out of the room, walking mutely down the stairs and out the common room.

Around me, everybody was chattering and laughing in their Friday night, post dinner high but I was too distracted to take part of it, their voices blurring into a muted buzz in my ear.

"Lemon sherbet," I said automatically and the gargoyle swung aside, revealing the twisting staircase to the Headmaster's room. I took a deep breath before I started up the stairs slowly.

"Come in," the voice called when I knocked on the door.

Okay, this was it.  
I twisted open the door, stepping into the cool room. The Headmaster looked up from the letter he was reading, a gentle smile on his features.

"Good evening, Miss Evans," he said pleasantly and gestured towards the chair, "Please, take a seat,"  
I sat down without a word, my hands twisting into my lap.

"Lemon sherbet?" he offered me the bowl and I managed a weak smile, shaking my head.

"No thank you, Sir," I said and he chuckled, easing back into his seat as he unwrapped the candy with his long fingers.

He really, really liked his sweets, didn't he?

"There is no need to look so worried, Miss Evans," he said after a moment of silence, "This is good news,"  
I blinked at him.

Good news?

What good news could _he_ possibly tell me?

But I relaxed anyway.

There was nothing wrong with my mother.

Thank Merlin.

 _And_ I was still Head Girl.

"I trust that you are aware of the Founders Grant?"

I froze.

The Founders Grant?

The coldness that froze my insides since classes had ended started to melt, my heart beating erratically in my chest as I nodded, a tiny motion.

Oh Merlin.

He smiled, his blue eyes twinkling, "Congratulations, Miss Evans, you must be the first person in Hogwarts History to be nominated by all four Head of Houses,"

 _What_?

I gaped at him, not caring that I must look like a complete and utter degenerate right now.

"Excuse me?" I finally managed to croak out and his smile widened, "All _four_? Even… Even Professor Sprout?"  
I knew that Slughorn and Flitwick were both fond of me and McGonagall liked me about as much as she could favour a student, but I thought the Herbology professor would surely nominated a Hufflepuff.

"Yes, even Professor Sprout," he said in bemusement.

Wow.  
"Thank you," I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I beamed at him, " _Thank_ you, Professor,"  
"There is no need to thank me, you have worked very hard at Hogwarts," he said softly, peering at me over his half moon glasses, "You excelled not just in academics but showed outstanding kindness, bravery and loyalty during your years at Hogwarts. You possess the qualities that were admired by all four of the Founders, Lily, which is why you deserve this award,"  
He called me Lily.

That was a first.

I blushed in pleasure at hearing his words.

"The prize money will be deposited into your Gringotts account by Christmas," he continued and I nodded, suppressing the smile that wanted to split my face in half.

"Thank you, Professor," I said, mustering as much sincerity as I could as I spoke.  
"It is my pleasure, Miss Evans," he paused before adding quietly, "I hope you don't lose yourself to the war, Lily. Your heart and perseverance is a brand of magic that our wizarding world sorely needs,"  
I wondered if it was possible to die from over blushing as I nodded wordlessly.

I treasured his words more than he could possibly ever realise. I had always wondered why I was made Head Girl and what sort of role such a hapless witch like me could take in this war. I wasn't a born leader like James was, I wasn't as gentle as Mary nor as vivacious as Kate. I didn't possess the sort of steely sharpness that Sirius had, or the resilience of Remus or the loyalty Peter possessed. I was an odd mixture of all, but not outstanding in any of those. But, Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of our generation had confirmed it for me. That it was enough just being _me_. That James, Kate, Mary, Elizabeth, Remus and hell, even Sirius were right about me and it wasn't a weakness, my ability to care and love and trust.

"Thank you, Professor," I said, blinking at the suddenly tears that rapidly pooled in my eyes, "I'll remember what you told me tonight, Sir, even when things get difficult. And I'll always fight, I'll fight until it ends,"

The words hung heavily in the air between us and I cleared my throat.

"As will I," Dumbledore murmured and then gave me another of his gentle, half smiles, "You should go now, Miss Evans. A very anxious Mr Potter is waiting for you outside my office,"

I started at that.

James?

And how did _he_ know that? Don't tell me he had a Marauder Map too. Wait, I was such a nitwit. This was _Dumbeldore_ I was talking to. Of course he was going to know what was going on in his office.

I thanked him again profusely as I stood up and gave him a hasty good bye before I left the office, giving Fawkes, who looked rather worse for wear tonight, a quick stroke of his ravaged plumage before I all but skipped out of the office.

"Lily," James said immediately, coming to a stop from his pacing when the gargoyle spun around again, "What-,"

I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Lily?" he asked in a strangled voice and I laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls of the empty corridor.

"Founders Award," I beamed up at him, his face so close I could see the faint smattering of freckles across his cheekbones, "I _got_ it,"  
He looked down at me blankly for a second before a massive smile spread through his lips, his eyes dancing.

"I told you so," he spun me around once as he laughed and I squealed, "Didn't I, Lily?"  
"I know but, Merlin," I laughed, squeezing my arms around him giddily, "I didn't think I'd actually get it,"  
"Who else would?" he asked, rolling his eyes as he set me back down on the floor, his arms still around mine, "You're perfect for it, Evans. I never doubted it,"

"Not even for a second?" I teased.

"Maybe a minute," he grinned and laughed when I swatted playfully at his head.

"I'm guessing this was good news, not bad?" Kate's voiced asked from down the hallway. I sprang apart away from James' arms, launching myself at Kate.

" _Catherine_ ," I sang and Sirius, who was next to Kate, rolled his eyes.

"Dammit, I got a handkerchief ready and all," he muttered and I grinned, clambering off Kate to hugged him too.

Yes, I was even happy to see Sirius Black today. Nothing could possibly ruin my mood tonight.

Sirius looked surprised but not displeased as he grumbled, "Control yourself, woman,"  
They were all here.

The Marauders, Kate and Mary, my best friends. I don't know how or when the four young men had become people that mattered so much to me, but I was glad that they were a part of my life. They may all be a pain in the arse and a downright bunch of bleeding wankers at times, but they were brilliant, loyal and they were my _friends._

They were here for _me_ , worried that I would have gotten bad news and would need their support. My heart expanded, filling with so much love and affection for the six that it was a wonder that it didn't explode.

This was what I was fighting for and I knew with such conviction it shocked me, that I would die to protect them all.

Every last six of them.

"I don't know, I always thought Auror training sounded fun," I said thoughtfully and from next to me, James snorted in disbelief.  
"Trust you, Evans, to think that is _fun_ ," James scoffed, running his fingers through his hair and I watched as the already tousled tufts became even more disarrayed.

We were doing rounds, our final one for the year, and it was late in the night now, the castle deathly quiet and the only light coming from our wands and the torches that lit the corridors in intermittent spaces.

"I considered becoming a Healer too," I continued, ignoring his sarcastic remark, "Because of my mum, you know? But then I learnt that sometimes, Muggles can't handle magical remedies and it can kill them instead,"  
"I think you'd make a brilliant Healer," James said thoughtfully, "Sirius and I got _a lot_ of wounds over the last few years dealing with Moony, but they never cleaned up as nicely as yours did,"  
"Because I have patience?" I asked teasingly and he rolled his eyes.

It took me three days to convince Remus that I was fine and that I didn't blame him at all for what happened. He had stumbled into the empty common room at midnight the next day, his face ashen as he collapsed into me. I squeaked in surprise because Remus was not the most touchy person, in fact, the closest we've ever gotten physically was when _I_ hugged him the night I found out about his lycanthropy.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, clutching at me tightly, his eyes wild with regret, red rimmed, "I could have _killed_ you,"  
"It's okay," I said soothingly, patting his head and he groaned, burying his face into my shoulder.

"No, Lily, no, don't say that," he was shaking his head, "It's my fault. I'm so sorry,"  
We continued like that for almost one hour before he finally nodded, reluctantly accepting the fact that I did not, a hundred percent, blame him at _all_.

It hurt me that Remus suffered from such self loathing that it was near impossible for him to see or believe that someone could genuinely _care_ about him, that he was _worth_ my affections, regardless of his condition.

"I guess Padfoot and I might be a little hasty," James admitted grudgingly and I grinned, nudging him in the side.

A little?

Psh.

That was like saying Voldemort was a _little_ messed up. Both James and Sirius had the patience of a toddler.

"So, explain to me the process again," I ordered as we turned the corner, "How you guys managed to become Animagi,"

It took me _ages_ getting James to explain the theory behind the Marauders Map, not because he didn't want to share the knowledge with me, but because he couldn't remember. Seriously. He couldn't _remember_.

He couldn't remember probably the greatest achievement in human animal transfiguration in Wizarding history.

Blasphemy.  
"Took us years," James shrugged, "We've been researching on it since second year, but we _finally_ managed in fifth. Gave up around a million times before we finally did it,"

"How though?" I pressed.

"Lots of research," James said dismissively, "We even hauled Wormy into reading,"

That was probably the most information I was going to get from him so I gave up.

For now.  
"I can't believe he's a rat," I giggled.

I was sorry to say that it suited Peter incredibly well.

"Rats have their uses," he informed me disapprovingly but his lips kept twitching into a smile.

"The Animagus is meant to reflect the caster's true self. I suppose that means Peter is a bit of a rodent and Sirius has obvious dog like qualities in him," I said thoughtfully, looking up at him, "Do you reckon you have anything in common with a stag?"  
"I have no clue," James scratched his head with his wand, "Confused the hell out of me too, but the size comes handy when dealing with Moony. He's so bloody vicious when he changes,"

I had taken it upon myself to research about stags after that night and learnt that they represented independence, purification and pride. And that they were known as the King of the forest and the protector of its creatures. I thought that it suited James perfectly, not that I was going to admit it to him. That would just be embarrassing.

"I would think so," I nibbled on my thumbnail before I asked, "Why doesn't he take Wolfsbane potion?"  
"Because it's downright impossible to brew," James said, "He can't ask Slughorn for it because he doesn't know about Remus' little problem. And none of us are good enough at potions for that,"

"But you guys even managed the Animagus spell!" I argued but he shook his head.  
"Padfoot and I are brill at Transfiguration and Remus' specialty has always been Charms," James said, rubbing at his jaw and he smiled reluctantly as he added, "Peter is pretty rubbish at Potions,"

Hm.  
"Maybe I can try," I said, finally voicing the idea that I had been tossing around for ages now.

Ever since I had heard about Remus' condition, I wondered why he didn't resort to Wolfsbane potion. I knew it was incredibly difficult and because it was a fairly new invention, there wasn't many known records of it, but I had found the recipe in one of the textbooks in the library. And yes, it looked _ridiculously_ complicated and there were many, precise steps required but it didn't seem _impossible_.

James stopped walking. I turned around questioningly to see that he was looking down at me with blank eyes, "You?"

"I'm pretty decent at potions, you know," I mumbled, embarrassed by his stare and he shook his head at that.

"Decent," he said, quickly catching up to me, "You're _brilliant_ at it. You're probably the only person who can beat Snape in that damn subject,"  
I flushed, "That's not true. He's better,"  
"I don't think so," James said dubiously, "I'd say you're pretty much the same,"  
"Snape will hate to hear that," I laughed a little and James grinned.

"Who cares what Snivellus says," James shrugged, "Would you really try, Lily?"  
"Of course," I said, my tone matter of fact, "Slughorn loves me. I'll ask him if I can use the dungeons during the holidays. I'll agree to go to a Slug Club meeting or what not and then he'll say yes,"  
"Thanks, Lily," James said quietly, "You really don't have to do this, Remus doesn't expect anything from you but time and time again, Evans, you surprise us,"  
"Of course I have to do it," I fidgeted with the end of my hair, my cheeks burning by the intensity in his eyes, "I have to try _something_. I can't guarantee it will be perfect first time round, but I can always keep trying, can't I? I mean, you and the lads tried for _three_ years,"  
"But we're… He's our brother,"

"And he's my friend," I said, shrugging casually, "Of course I would do that for him. Though, he'll have to say yes first,"  
"I'm pretty sure he'd say yes," James laughed a little, "We can ask him now, if you want to,"  
"What?" I asked in confusion and James just chuckled, turning around.

"You can come out now," he called.

I watched as the heads of Sirius and Remus appeared as they slipped off the Invisibility Cloak over their bodies.

"Traitor," Sirius said sourly, tossing the cloak back to James.

"You've been here the whole time?" I asked, incredulous and yelped when Peter appeared out of nowhere, his robes slightly rumpled.

"Lo, Lily," he greeted cheerfully and I looked at him, my eyes bugging.

"Were you… Were you following us as a _rat_?"  
"Uh huh," he nodded, "We can't all fit under the cloak anymore,"  
"And Wormy's been packing on the pounds recently," Sirius sniggered while dodging Peter's punch.

"Thanks, Lily, by the way," Remus hugged me briefly before he let go.

"It might not work," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"Doesn't matter, it's the thought that counts," Remus shrugged and Sirius rolled his eyes from behind us, charging forward to flick my forehead.

"Dog like qualities?" he demanded, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"That you're loyal and smell," I shot back and then narrowed my eyes at the three, "What are you guys even doing here?"  
"Had nothing better to do," Peter piped up, fixing his tie, "Thought we might as well crash your rounds instead of breaking rules,"  
"You guys _are_ breaking rules," I pointed out and the four boys sniggered.

"Exactly," Remus nodded and I scowled at him.

"You are a rubbish prefect," I informed him disapprovingly and he grinned widely.

"I am a hundred percent aware of that," he held out his palms, "But what can I do, I'm the lesser of evils out of this lot,"  
"Dumbledore should have given it to Jonathan," I huffed, crossing my arms over my stomach and Sirius laughed.

"Wood is a great bloke but he wouldn't have a clue on how to deal with us," he smirked and I rolled my eyes.

He was right. Jonathan would have just hemmed and hawed and let them off for all their mischief. Though it might be better than taking _part_ of it like Remus.

"Are you disappointed because we disturbed your private time with Jamsie here?" Sirius cooed and I elbowed him in the stomach, forcing him off my shoulder.

"Yes, that's exactly why," I said, storming ahead of them, "Try not to break anything, will you?"  
"Lily, you're the one with two left feet, not us," James reminded drily.  
"Shut _up_ ," I scowled when the four broke out into laughter, "I pity the girls who have to _marry_ any of you four, because they'll be marrying into the entire group,"  
"Might be you, Evans," Sirius winked, "I mean, look at the statistics! How many graduates of Hogwarts end up with another Hogwarts graduate? Around ninety five percent, I'd say,"  
"Kill me if I end up with you," I retorted and Sirius feigned a look of hurt.

"My, my, Evans," he clucked his tongue disapprovingly, "Is that the way you talk to your future husband,"  
"Sod off,"  
"We even kissed!"  
"Don't remind me," I rolled my eyes but the four were too busy laughing to take me serious and I scowled.

Bunch of prats.

I paused.

"Did you hear that?" I asked, turning around to face the four boys and they looked at me blankly.

"Hear what, Lily?" James asked and I shook my head.

"I swear I heard something…," I trailed off when I heard the distinct sound of footsteps again, echoing down the corridor.

I started to run towards the sound and from the distance, I heard James swear as he started after me. But I didn't make it very far, skidding to a stop when I crashed into a tall figure with black hair and all too familiar black eyes.

Severus Snape.

"Severus?" I asked in surprise, jumping out of his grasp, "What are you doing here?"  
"Lily," he said, his expression echoing mine and my throat tightened at the familiarity in his voice, "Why… Potter,"  
James had caught up to me and he watched the two of us with impassive eyes, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"You're breaking curfew," he said curtly, "All four of you,"  
My eyes drifted over Snape's shoulder, noticing for the first time that we were not alone in the corridor. Behind him stood Regulus Black, Evan Rosier and, baring his teeth at me, Rodolphus Lestrange. My wand was out immediately, my eyes fixed onto the four.

"What are you doing out?" I asked flatly.

Rosier rolled his eyes, "Put down your wand, Mudblood, it's four against two,"  
"Five actually," Sirius said coolly, appearing out of the shadows with his wand withdrawn with Remus and Peter flanking him.

He offered Regulus a cold smile, "What are you doing out of bed, dear brother?"

They both had the same eyes.  
"They're breaking the rules too," Rosier scowled and I realised that all of us, save Severus, had our wands out and pointed to each other.

This was not good.

"Yes, you guys can all fight about it in detention," I said patiently, "In fact, I don't care why you guys are out of bed. Slughorn can deal with you four,"  
"Not so fast, Mudblood," Lestrange snarled, "I have something to settle with you,"  
"Rodolphus," Snape said quietly, "Let's just go,"  
"No," Lestrange said through gritted teeth and he took a step closer to me, "Do you know how much trouble I got because of you _Mudblood_ bitch,"  
"Quit calling her that," James snapped, "And put down your fucking wand,"  
"Aw, did daddy get angry at little Roddy for getting beat by a girl?" Sirius cooed and Lestranges' face turned bright red, "A tiny, _muggleborn_ to boot,"  
"Shut the fuck up, Black,"

"Is that how you talk to family?"Sirius asked disapprovingly, "Heard you're marrying Bella and honestly, I have to say you have _shit_ taste because that girl is as barmy as a coot,"  
There was a loud bang as Lestrange let off a hex but I was faster, throwing up a shield between us before the spell could hit Sirius.

"Now you've broken another rule," I said calmly, staring into his ruddy face, "Drop it, or I'm calling Dumbledore,"  
"You think I'm scared of that old man?" he sneered and stared at me in disgust, "He's ruined this school by letting _trash_ in, but I had no idea he would stoop so low to use our money for _charity cases_ ,"  
He was obviously talking to me.

Charity Case?

Pft. Last year, Edgar Bones had received the Founders Grant and everybody in the school knew he was from a wealthy family. Charity case my _arse_.

I chose not to react to that, instead, I gave him a bland smile, "Of course you should be scared of him, considering Voldemort is,"  
The four sucked in a quick intake of breath, and from my periphery, I saw Snape close his eyes for the briefest moment.

"You dare say his name," Rosier stepped forward, his face livid with fury, "Your filthy Mudblood lips dare utter his-,"  
 _"Silencio,"_ Sirius said flatly, pointing his wand at Rosier, "Reg, really, you should make new mates. Rubbish sort of company you hang with. You're better off running to mummy. Even that hag is better than them,"  
"Shut up, Sirius," Regulus' cheekbones were pink, "Just stay out of this,"  
"Rich coming from you, isn't it Black?" Snape finally spoke, his eyes flickering to Remus, "Considering the type of… _People_ you choose to associate with,"  
He knew about Remus?

I knew, from the simultaneous tightening of all four boys' faces, that Snape did indeed know about Remus' condition.

But _how?_

James ordered, " Peter, go get McGonagall,"  
Peter nodded silently, his eyes flickering rapidly between us as he carefully began to retreat.

"Don't you move, Pettigrew," Snape said softly and Peter froze.

"Remus, go with Peter," I said flatly, my wand trained on Snape and he stared at me with unreadable eyes.

I heard Remus take a step back, pulling at Peter's still arm as they walked down the corridor. McGonagall's office was a good five minutes away, even if they hurried.

"And you dare make fun of Bellatrix?" Lestrange raged, "Her blood is _noble-,"  
"_Her blood is that same as mine!" Sirius laughed in derision and Lestrange growled, a guttural sound that chilled me to my bone.

"At least I don't play with rubbish," he pointed at me, "Thought she was yours, Potter. Is that how you Gryffindors do it? Share?"  
Oh, _ew_.

"Shut up, I'm not _any_ of theirs," I snapped, "I'm not a bloody _thing_ someone can have,"

"I don't want her," Sirius said, disgruntled, "Imagine our kids. Her hair will clash horribly with my eyes,"  
Oh for Merlin's sake.

"Potter, Black," Lestrange spat out lividly, his body shaking with rage, "You're a disgrace to your family name. Both of you are as bad as the Mudblood, you blood traitors,"

They rolled their eyes at that.

"Kind of sick of hearing that, aren't you, Prongs?" Sirius mused, glancing at his best friend/  
"I am, Padfoot," James said calmly.

"It's like they don't have anything else to say,"  
"Right again, Padfoot," James said, his tone infuriatingly cheerful, "Probably don't have much room in their heads,"

I saw a muscle in Rosier's jaw twitch and I wondered how he managed to keep himself from strangling the two.

Even _I_ wanted to strangle James and Sirius at times. The two really put a new meaning behind infuriating.

"Slytherins aren't known for their brains, are they?" Sirius asked thoughtfully, "What are they known for again?"  
"For being ugly gits?" James offered and I smothered a snicker.

Honestly, these two were beyond ridiculous.  
"Right you are, Prongs!" Sirius said gleefully, "I think Lestrange is jealous you're the better cousin,"

They were _cousins?_  
"He always was," James nodded in agreement, "He was the runt of the family,"

Lestrange's mouth parted, his eyes glistening in fury but Snape held him back with a raised hand.

"A motley old crew, aren't they?" James observed, "The runt, the idiot, the sheep and the grease ball. How are your underpants these days, Snivellus?"  
Snape's eyes flashed and I knew what he was going to do before he even raised his wand.

 _"Protego Maxima!"_

The spell collided against the shield in a burst of sparks.

He glared at me, his fingers visibly trembling with rage. I knew Severus and I knew that he was the master of controlling him emotions. Years of living with his father taught him that. And I also knew that no one, _no one,_ got under his skin like James Potter.

Which was why I had to stop this before it escalated into something beyond my control.

Something a lot more dangerous than silencing spells.

"Stop it, stop it _now,"_ I ordered, "All of you. No duelling in the corridors,"

"Shut up, Mudblood," Snape snarled and I flinched.

Even after two years, it still hurt hearing that from him. From anyone else, I could brush it off, but from Severus…

"Stop calling her that," Sirius' voice was dangerously low.

"Sirius, enough," I said, shaking my head, "McGonagall will be here any moment-,"  
"You chose the wrong side, all of you," Rosier said slowly, a small, insane smile curving his thin lips, "When the Dark Lord rises-,"  
"I said _enough!"_ I shouted, pointing my wand at him, "I am sick to _death_ of hearing about him. _When_ he rises? _If_ he rises? What are you going to say? That we're all dead? Guess what, _Evan Rosier,_ we are all dead once we leave Hogwarts and do you know why?"  
He looked at me with wide shocked eyes, his eyes fixed onto my wand.

"Because Voldemort is already _here!"_ my fingers tightened around my wand to keep it from trembling, "And he's killing and destroying and if you support that, then you guys are fucking _fools_. And you're right. We chose the side against you. And that means once we leave Hogwarts, we _will_ fight. So hold it off until then because I am Head Girl and I will _not_ have you fighting under my watch. That goes for all of you!"  
The corridor was silent, the boys staring at me in stunned silence as I fumed. Didn't they know that you shouldn't mess with a red head? We had awful tempers, the lot of us.

"Do _not_ test me, Rodolphus," I spat when I saw his mouth open to say something, "Or I _will_ hex you like I did last time, except this time, you'll be missing an appendage and I dare you to guess which one it'll be,"  
He closed his mouth.  
"Fiery one, isn't she?" Rosier smirked a little, "I see why you like her so much, Potter. Reminds me of your mum. My dad told me how much she _screamed_ -,"  
There was a loud bang and a blinding flash of light as the three of us hexed him at the same time. Evan Rosier went flying back into the wall but James was on top of him immediately, ploughing his fists into his jaw.

"Don't you _fucking_ dare talk about my mother," he was shouting and Sirius was busy disarming his brother and Rodolphus to pry James off.

I stared at Snape, our wands pointed at each other.

My best friend, Severus Snape.

He was once a boy with the ill fitting clothes and uneven hair who laughed so hard at me when I slipped into the muddy creek behind my house. A boy whose eyes gleamed with excitement as he introduced to me the wonders of magic, painting a picture of marvel and beauty. A boy who once stood outside my common room, begging for my forgiveness.

I could see no traces of that boy in the young man that stood in front of me, his eyes and wand fixed unwaveringly onto me.

That boy, my _Severus_ , would have never hurt me.

But now he did, like he had done time and time again now.

But I knew I was guilty too. I had hurt him too with my choices.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I shook my head and I whispered, "How did we become like this, Sev?"  
He was silent, his black eyes closing as he lowered his arm.

"I don't know,"

"Have you forgotten you are Head Boy and Head Girl!" McGonagall was seething as she paced back and forth, her back ramrod straight, "I expected better from you, Miss Evans!"  
I looked away from her.

For a witch in a tartan nightgown, she was awfully intimidating.

"And Mr. Lupin! Mr Pettigrew and Mr _Black!"_ she rounded on the three, "What were you _doing_ out that late?"  
"Keeping them company," Sirius grunted and recoiled under her livid glare, "Sorry,"  
I would have laughed at the meekness in his voice if it weren't for the fact that I too, was getting in trouble.

"And Mr. Potter!" she glared at James "We are not _barbarians!_ We do not use our fists!"  
"I know, I should have hexed him more," James said petulantly, completely unrepentant as he sat on the chair with his arms crossed, "Pity I forgot about my wand. He would have made a fine pincushion,"  
"WE DO NOT ABUSE TRANSFIGURATION!" she roared and James flinched at the sound, his eyes widening in alarm. McGonagall looked slightly unstable at the moment, a lock of her escaping her normally perfect bun and her glasses sat crookedly on her nose.

James probably shouldn't have brought in Transfiguration to this.

Transfiguration was McGonagall's baby.

I grimaced.

By the time Remus and Peter had returned with Professor McGonagall, Evan Rosier had lost consciousness and was bleeding profusely from his nose, his lip swollen and cut, his face swollen with bruises. I heard Madame Pomfrey stiffly inform Professor McGonagall that his nose and three of his ribs were also broken.

James and Sirius knocked fists at that whilst I groaned, burying my face into my hands.

"I have _never_ been more ashamed of Gryffindor!" she continued, "Our Head students _and_ a Prefect? In the middle of a _brawl_ at midnight during their rounds?"  
"I'm sorry, Professor," I managed and Sirius snorted at that.

I shot him a glare, "I _am_. I did try to stop them, it's just they wouldn't _listen_ ,"  
"Miss Evans, if I remember correctly, you hexed Mr. Rosier with a _Engorgio_ hex," she said drily and I flushed.

"Did I?" I asked innocently, "He always _did_ have a big head,"  
Her lips twitched the tiniest bit and I relaxed a fraction as I mumbled, "I'm sorry, Professor,"  
"You five should be ashamed of yourself," she spoke more quietly now, "Do you care to explain what happened?"

She was met by silence.  
"We ran into them in the corridor whilst we were making rounds," I finally spoke when the four just stared at me expectantly, "And… Well, it kind of spiralled out of control really quickly, Professor,"  
That was an understatement.

"We weren't the only perpetrators, Professor," Sirius was scowling, "They all called her Mudblood,"  
She let out a sigh at, sitting down on the seat behind her desk, "Go on,"  
"And Rosier kept talking about how when Voldemort rises," I continued and she flinched violently at the name but I ignored it, "That we were going to die. And… And I kind of exploded at that,"  
Sirius snickered, "She went _nuts_ ,"  
I blushed as he tittered, "Anyway… And it would… It would have maybe been okay if…,"  
I trailed off, looking at James, unsure if he wanted me to say the part about Rosier.

"Rosier mentioned my mum," James fingers clenched onto the arms of the chair, his eyes flashing as he looked up at McGonagall, "And how they _tortured_ her before they killed her,"  
The Professor was silent, a stricken look on her face, her hand covering her mouth.

"The Headmaster is right, he always is, but I had hoped he would be wrong this time," Professor McGonagall said quietly, shaking her head, "Hogwarts is falling apart. And it is history retold all over again. Slytherin and Gryffindor were always antagonistic to each other,"

Hm. _Antagonistic_ was too weak of a word to capture the relationship the two Houses had.

Absolute, pure loathing seemed more suitable.

Then Elizabeth flashed through my mind. I didn't hate Elizabeth, no, I liked her quite a bit actually.

I wasn't to let them taint the entire house.  
"He knows exactly who _killed_ my parents," James hissed, "And he's proud of it!"  
"James," her voice was soft, her eyes pitying, "Did breaking Evan Rosier's nose make you feel better?"  
"Yes," he said defiantly and she sighed at that, though I didn't know what sort of answer she was expecting to a question like that.

"You parents death was a tragedy," she said slowly and she looked more tired and older than I have ever seen her, "A great loss to the wizarding world for they were both kind and respected people,"  
James' back was stiff and Sirius bowed his head, looking into his lap.

"Don't tarnish their names by acting impulsively," she said gently, "If you're going to fight, fight in the way that will make them proud,"  
"I don't know what that is!" James exploded.  
I never seen James lose control like this before, not in a long time. His eyes were gleaming with unshed tears, his jaw tight and his fingers clenched into fists in his lap, his cheeks red with fury.

"Like Gryffindors fight," she said calmly, "Courageously, protecting the people that matter to us. James, you care for everyone in this room, don't you?"  
He nodded curtly.

"Then protect them, fight for them," McGonagall said, "Like your parents fought for you," 

* * *

**Huzzah! Another update!**

 **My plan is to update 3 times a week, and hopefully, I can keep to it.**

 **As usual, many, _many, many_ thanks for reading and please leave reviews as they encourage me to write when I don't want to, and help me get through when suffering from a creative block.**

 **From**

 **-G**

 **(P.S. I think this story will finish at 30 Chapters. Maybe less.)**

 **(P.P.S I have almost 300 views but 8 reviews?!)**


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